Sister in law very different parenting style - adjust or hold the line?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Shirley Temples are a gateway drug. Consider yourself forewarned OP.

Ha ha, juice and a fun soda drink in a restaurant...choose your battles, this is not one to stress about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 17 & 14. We have always held firm with no juice in the house, including orange juice. Definitely no soda. The choices at meals have always been milk or water.

That said, what they have outside of the house is up for grabs. Sometimes we've gone to a restaurant and had a splash of juice in the water. When they went to soccer games, someone would bring juice boxes. Or when they've gone to their grandparents' house, they have juice. We just went out to dinner last night, and they asked for water. Sometimes they'll ask for lemonade. It's just not a big deal.

We also don't do cereal other than plain Cheerios or Go Lean Kashi. It's always a big treat when they go to my parents where they were introduced to "rainbow Cheerios" aka Fruit Loops.

Never have my kids "freaked out." They've never begged or whined for these foods at home. The adults do the shopping and make those decisions. There is always a rich selection of fruits. Yes, we've always had ice cream, but it's something after dinner. When they're out, they have other options.

Keep your rules at home. Don't judge others, including your SIL. We're all just doing the best we can.

My mother is like you. It made me fat.

Same. It took me decades to unlearn the beliefs around food she instilled in me. I developed a binge eating disorder and ate in secret because my food at home was so controlled.

Same...

"Go lean Kashi" mom, you are a complete control freak.

You may see it as a positive, but I guarantee the people around you feel the negative affects of your uncontrollable anxiety.

No, my friends and I are all like Kashi Mom, and our children have grown up to be healthy, reasonable teens. I'm from Europe and don't have this extreme junk food habit that some Americans have, so for us there is no debate. Food is supposed to be healthy, not too fatty, not too salty, not too sugary. It's a no-brainer. I have friends from Europe, Asia and Central America, and we all have the same opinions on food. Only one of my American friends eats like we do us - the rest are overweight and don't eat well.

As for this "control/anxiety issue", please recognize it for what it is: a red herring. It's easy as an independent adult to fall into junk-eating ways in the USA, since many people around you eat that way. You need greater willpower to eat well here than in other parts of the world. That doesn't mean that parents teaching their kids to eat right are at fault, quite the opposite. And if you want tips on how to eat right, start with not snacking all the time. Eating happens three times a day at the table, with maybe a mid-afternoon snack for kids, and in between your body needs to recognize signs of hunger. No need to bring water bottles everywhere either, another American habit that really doesn't make you healthier.

Ah..the “I’m European” argument. Europe is a big place, not all of them healthy, and not all without their own health issues.

Depending on where you’re from, not only is the food culture different, but so is the infrastructure that leads to healthier lifestyles in general. Better work hours, better community structure. A bakery and a butcher within walking distance of your house, both open at 5am. Education that doesn’t necessarily put some jobs ahead of others. All kinds of things that make LIFE a happier place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 17 & 14. We have always held firm with no juice in the house, including orange juice. Definitely no soda. The choices at meals have always been milk or water.

That said, what they have outside of the house is up for grabs. Sometimes we've gone to a restaurant and had a splash of juice in the water. When they went to soccer games, someone would bring juice boxes. Or when they've gone to their grandparents' house, they have juice. We just went out to dinner last night, and they asked for water. Sometimes they'll ask for lemonade. It's just not a big deal.

We also don't do cereal other than plain Cheerios or Go Lean Kashi. It's always a big treat when they go to my parents where they were introduced to "rainbow Cheerios" aka Fruit Loops.

Never have my kids "freaked out." They've never begged or whined for these foods at home. The adults do the shopping and make those decisions. There is always a rich selection of fruits. Yes, we've always had ice cream, but it's something after dinner. When they're out, they have other options.

Keep your rules at home. Don't judge others, including your SIL. We're all just doing the best we can.

Seriously? It's orange juice, not hard liquor.

Why would they whine or beg? I'm sure they've figured out they can go to Larla's house and get an oj neat. And maybe other drinks as well...

[Anonymous]

Ugh! I hate when overly uptight family/friends come over.

A normal kid who is not controlled ever move can walk past a candy jar and drink 1 juice.

But kids that never get anything empty the candy jar and guzzle juice and side like there is no tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 17 & 14. We have always held firm with no juice in the house, including orange juice. Definitely no soda. The choices at meals have always been milk or water.

That said, what they have outside of the house is up for grabs. Sometimes we've gone to a restaurant and had a splash of juice in the water. When they went to soccer games, someone would bring juice boxes. Or when they've gone to their grandparents' house, they have juice. We just went out to dinner last night, and they asked for water. Sometimes they'll ask for lemonade. It's just not a big deal.

We also don't do cereal other than plain Cheerios or Go Lean Kashi. It's always a big treat when they go to my parents where they were introduced to "rainbow Cheerios" aka Fruit Loops.

Never have my kids "freaked out." They've never begged or whined for these foods at home. The adults do the shopping and make those decisions. There is always a rich selection of fruits. Yes, we've always had ice cream, but it's something after dinner. When they're out, they have other options.

Keep your rules at home. Don't judge others, including your SIL. We're all just doing the best we can.

My mother is like you. It made me fat.

Same. It took me decades to unlearn the beliefs around food she instilled in me. I developed a binge eating disorder and ate in secret because my food at home was so controlled.

Same...

"Go lean Kashi" mom, you are a complete control freak.

You may see it as a positive, but I guarantee the people around you feel the negative affects of your uncontrollable anxiety.

No, my friends and I are all like Kashi Mom, and our children have grown up to be healthy, reasonable teens. I'm from Europe and don't have this extreme junk food habit that some Americans have, so for us there is no debate. Food is supposed to be healthy, not too fatty, not too salty, not too sugary. It's a no-brainer. I have friends from Europe, Asia and Central America, and we all have the same opinions on food. Only one of my American friends eats like we do us - the rest are overweight and don't eat well.

As for this "control/anxiety issue", please recognize it for what it is: a red herring. It's easy as an independent adult to fall into junk-eating ways in the USA, since many people around you eat that way. You need greater willpower to eat well here than in other parts of the world. That doesn't mean that parents teaching their kids to eat right are at fault, quite the opposite. And if you want tips on how to eat right, start with not snacking all the time. Eating happens three times a day at the table, with maybe a mid-afternoon snack for kids, and in between your body needs to recognize signs of hunger. No need to bring water bottles everywhere either, another American habit that really doesn't make you healthier.

+1, except I’m American.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 17 & 14. We have always held firm with no juice in the house, including orange juice. Definitely no soda. The choices at meals have always been milk or water.

That said, what they have outside of the house is up for grabs. Sometimes we've gone to a restaurant and had a splash of juice in the water. When they went to soccer games, someone would bring juice boxes. Or when they've gone to their grandparents' house, they have juice. We just went out to dinner last night, and they asked for water. Sometimes they'll ask for lemonade. It's just not a big deal.

We also don't do cereal other than plain Cheerios or Go Lean Kashi. It's always a big treat when they go to my parents where they were introduced to "rainbow Cheerios" aka Fruit Loops.

Never have my kids "freaked out." They've never begged or whined for these foods at home. The adults do the shopping and make those decisions. There is always a rich selection of fruits. Yes, we've always had ice cream, but it's something after dinner. When they're out, they have other options.

Keep your rules at home. Don't judge others, including your SIL. We're all just doing the best we can.

My mother is like you. It made me fat.

Same. It took me decades to unlearn the beliefs around food she instilled in me. I developed a binge eating disorder and ate in secret because my food at home was so controlled.

Same...

"Go lean Kashi" mom, you are a complete control freak.

You may see it as a positive, but I guarantee the people around you feel the negative affects of your uncontrollable anxiety.

No, my friends and I are all like Kashi Mom, and our children have grown up to be healthy, reasonable teens. I'm from Europe and don't have this extreme junk food habit that some Americans have, so for us there is no debate. Food is supposed to be healthy, not too fatty, not too salty, not too sugary. It's a no-brainer. I have friends from Europe, Asia and Central America, and we all have the same opinions on food. Only one of my American friends eats like we do us - the rest are overweight and don't eat well.

As for this "control/anxiety issue", please recognize it for what it is: a red herring. It's easy as an independent adult to fall into junk-eating ways in the USA, since many people around you eat that way. You need greater willpower to eat well here than in other parts of the world. That doesn't mean that parents teaching their kids to eat right are at fault, quite the opposite. And if you want tips on how to eat right, start with not snacking all the time. Eating happens three times a day at the table, with maybe a mid-afternoon snack for kids, and in between your body needs to recognize signs of hunger. No need to bring water bottles everywhere either, another American habit that really doesn't make you healthier.

Ah..the “I’m European” argument. Europe is a big place, not all of them healthy, and not all without their own health issues.

Depending on where you’re from, not only is the food culture different, but so is the infrastructure that leads to healthier lifestyles in general. Better work hours, better community structure. A bakery and a butcher within walking distance of your house, both open at 5am. Education that doesn’t necessarily put some jobs ahead of others. All kinds of things that make LIFE a happier place.

Please read.
I said my friends from various continents all have similar eating habits.
If you complain that the food culture here is conducive to eating unhealthily, then it takes more effort to eat well, but it doesn't mean you should give in.

And frankly, it's ridiculous that a grown-up poster actually typed something like "My mother made me fat" with a straight face, and that others posters agree. You're an adult, if you were deprived as a child, you need to work through it. I had an exceedingly controlling mother, who was downright abusive, around access to food, friends, clothes, etc. Yet I do not have an unhealthy relationship with any of these things. Please realize that blaming one's parents for all the ills of life is not helpful at all, and by extension, do not be afraid to enforce boundaries with your children just because you believe they might develop a disorder because of your parenting, or might turn around and blame you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Seriously? It's orange juice, not hard liquor.

Sugar can be just as deadly. Some kids can't handle sugar. Some adults can't handle alcohol.

[Anonymous]

Also, I love the part about "very different parenting styles". It's just not. It's just one allows junk food and the other doesn't - it's not a serious crisis.

-Mom of older teens that is literally so happy my kids drink juice and soda at parties instead of alcohol.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Seriously? It's orange juice, not hard liquor.

Sugar can be just as deadly. Some kids can't handle sugar. Some adults can't handle alcohol.

Omg. You need help, Ms. Deadly Sugar Crazy Lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, I love the part about "very different parenting styles". It's just not. It's just one allows junk food and the other doesn't - it's not a serious crisis.

-Mom of older teens that is literally so happy my kids drink juice and soda at parties instead of alcohol.....

"Different parenting styles " on DCUM always seems to mean the poster is strict about food, screentime, bedtime etc and the other person isn't. I always read it as virtue signalling.

[Anonymous]

Your kids see their cousins 3,4 time per year? And this is keeping you up at night? Having juice occasionally? No, definitely create a scene at your sister's place and put your foot down.

[Anonymous]

"Different parenting style" posts are always about OP bragging what an awesome mother she is and nobody holds a candle to her. Always. I bet you many of these kids that are never allowed juice or a candy bar, end up being emotional eaters and become obese or heavy just to spite the wicked witch moms.

[Anonymous]

European here! Lots of sanctimony from some other European pp here. I drank tart cherry juice grandma made, you can bet there was sugar in the syrup! Sure, I didn't drink it all day, every day. Plenty of Americans are super skinny, and they don't go around telling people that US is most into fitness of all the countries... which is probably is!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Different parenting style" posts are always about OP bragging what an awesome mother she is and nobody holds a candle to her. Always. I bet you many of these kids that are never allowed juice or a candy bar, end up being emotional eaters and become obese or heavy just to spite the wicked witch moms.

+1000

[Anonymous]

So OP needs everybody at a party to follow her kids rules because she can’t parent her own kids unless everybody is following her rules?