"Financially stable"

[Anonymous]

When a woman indicates that she's looking for a man who is "financially stable," is this always taken as code for being a gold digger?

Because when I say financially stable, I mean more or less on par with me or better, though not even necessarily comparing. I basically just mean being a full-fledged adult (I'm 29). Have a steady professional job, pay your own bills, preferably don't live with roommates or on a basement futon with a carpet covered in dorito crumbs. I'm not saying own a Tesla and a house in Bethesda. I'm not saying be rich and take care of me.

I realize that financial hardship can happen to anyone, including good people. But does it make me a shallow, greedy person to require a romantic interest to have his shit together, more or less?

[Anonymous]

I'd say financially stable (as you describe it) is minimal when it comes to vetting a potential relationship partner, much less a possible future husband.

I say this from experience with several young women in my life (daughter, niece, friends) who rationalized away this threshold and lived to regret it. In some ways majorly regret it.

Having a steady job, paying your own bills, having your own place, having your own car (unless an urban dweller using public transportation) are all very basic minimum qualifications for a grown up. I would also include having health insurance (and all other basic forms of insurance).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When a woman indicates that she's looking for a man who is "financially stable," is this always taken as code for being a gold digger?

Because when I say financially stable, I mean more or less on par with me or better, though not even necessarily comparing. I basically just mean being a full-fledged adult (I'm 29). Have a steady professional job, pay your own bills, preferably don't live with roommates or on a basement futon with a carpet covered in dorito crumbs. I'm not saying own a Tesla and a house in Bethesda. I'm not saying be rich and take care of me.

I realize that financial hardship can happen to anyone, including good people. But does it make me a shallow, greedy person to require a romantic interest to have his shit together, more or less?

It is code for gold digger. Women want a provider — and that means a nice house with good schools and amazing vacations while she stays home. It doesn’t mean a class B apartment and TJ frozen meals — which is perfectly financially stable until woman’s demands enter the fray.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When a woman indicates that she's looking for a man who is "financially stable," is this always taken as code for being a gold digger?

Because when I say financially stable, I mean more or less on par with me or better, though not even necessarily comparing. I basically just mean being a full-fledged adult (I'm 29). Have a steady professional job, pay your own bills, preferably don't live with roommates or on a basement futon with a carpet covered in dorito crumbs. I'm not saying own a Tesla and a house in Bethesda. I'm not saying be rich and take care of me.

I realize that financial hardship can happen to anyone, including good people. But does it make me a shallow, greedy person to require a romantic interest to have his shit together, more or less?

It is code for gold digger. Women want a provider — and that means a nice house with good schools and amazing vacations while she stays home. It doesn’t mean a class B apartment and TJ frozen meals — which is perfectly financially stable until woman’s demands enter the fray.

+1. You can be perfectly financially stable with a studio apartment in Wheato, a Costco membership, a metro smartcard and library card. It's not really about that.

[Anonymous]

It's fine to want that. But it still looks bad to put it in a profile, and won't achieve the effect you want.

For one thing, it is going to drive away good guys. Some will think you are a gold-digger. Others will think you have emphasized "financially stable" precisely because you are not financially stable. ("She wants a financially stable guy because she recently declared bankruptcy. Hmmm, no thanks.")

For another thing, it is not going to deter guys who are not "financially stable." You think that loser who lives in his mom's basement is going to see that and say, "OK, she won't like me, I don't have a shot, so I won't bother her"? No. He will think he can change your mind if he convinces you to meet him in person and date him for a while. Just like if you say you want a guy who is at least 6' tall, the short guys will still sweet talk you and then oh darn he shows up for the first date and he's not 6' tall after all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When a woman indicates that she's looking for a man who is "financially stable," is this always taken as code for being a gold digger?

Because when I say financially stable, I mean more or less on par with me or better, though not even necessarily comparing. I basically just mean being a full-fledged adult (I'm 29). Have a steady professional job, pay your own bills, preferably don't live with roommates or on a basement futon with a carpet covered in dorito crumbs. I'm not saying own a Tesla and a house in Bethesda. I'm not saying be rich and take care of me.

I realize that financial hardship can happen to anyone, including good people. But does it make me a shallow, greedy person to require a romantic interest to have his shit together, more or less?

It is code for gold digger. Women want a provider — and that means a nice house with good schools and amazing vacations while she stays home. It doesn’t mean a class B apartment and TJ frozen meals — which is perfectly financially stable until woman’s demands enter the fray.

+1. You can be perfectly financially stable with a studio apartment in Wheato, a Costco membership, a metro smartcard and library card. It's not really about that.

So, you are saying that "financially stable" doesn't mean financial stability in the way you describe? Because that would be fine with me.

I think my only nit picky preference is not living with roommates...but even with that I don't mind if it's a temporary thing to save money to buy a home, or maybe if he has just really really made a good home out of living with his buddies downtown or something. Even then, though, he'd have to be okay with spending time mainly at my place. I'm not about walking past the bros when I'm spending a night with my S.O.

And no, I probably wouldn't put "financially stable" as a requirement in a dating profile. I just want to convey that I'm looking for an adult, and with a certain level of responsibility and sophistication. Not living in a windowless basement with a mattress on the floor for a bed and a diet consisting of Ramen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When a woman indicates that she's looking for a man who is "financially stable," is this always taken as code for being a gold digger?

Because when I say financially stable, I mean more or less on par with me or better, though not even necessarily comparing. I basically just mean being a full-fledged adult (I'm 29). Have a steady professional job, pay your own bills, preferably don't live with roommates or on a basement futon with a carpet covered in dorito crumbs. I'm not saying own a Tesla and a house in Bethesda. I'm not saying be rich and take care of me.

I realize that financial hardship can happen to anyone, including good people. But does it make me a shallow, greedy person to require a romantic interest to have his shit together, more or less?

It is code for gold digger. Women want a provider — and that means a nice house with good schools and amazing vacations while she stays home. It doesn’t mean a class B apartment and TJ frozen meals — which is perfectly financially stable until woman’s demands enter the fray.

+1. You can be perfectly financially stable with a studio apartment in Wheato, a Costco membership, a metro smartcard and library card. It's not really about that.

So, you are saying that "financially stable" doesn't mean financial stability in the way you describe? Because that would be fine with me.

I think my only nit picky preference is not living with roommates...but even with that I don't mind if it's a temporary thing to save money to buy a home, or maybe if he has just really really made a good home out of living with his buddies downtown or something. Even then, though, he'd have to be okay with spending time mainly at my place. I'm not about walking past the bros when I'm spending a night with my S.O.

And no, I probably wouldn't put "financially stable" as a requirement in a dating profile. I just want to convey that I'm looking for an adult, and with a certain level of responsibility and sophistication. Not living in a windowless basement with a mattress on the floor for a bed and a diet consisting of Ramen.

Ok. I understand. If you'd be OK with that, I agree you are not a gold digger. But it's a tricky thing to put in a dating profile
Perhaps something like "I am financially prudent and am looking for someone similar."

Financially prudent to me sounds like "let's go to Costco and cook lentils and put the balance in our Roth IRA's, honey." Not a great date for most people but fine for me.

My wife and I got to over $1 million net worth before 35 despite always making under $250k combined so I get where you are coming from. Just make it sound like you are boring and like saving and I think it's OK.

If something tragic happened and I was looking to date again, I don't even think I'd mind if I thought someone liked me because I have money. If mind if I thought they wanted me to spend it on them! I'm not a biglaw partner. I got here by NOT spending money on women.

[Anonymous]

It’s NOT code for gold digger. It’s code for responsible. I date a great guy for three years who was never ever going to be financially responsible. It drove me insane. I realized I didn’t want to be the only grown up in a relationship. Especially if we had kids. So yeah he next guy I looked for needed to be financially responsible. Saving for retirement, little to no credit card debt, able to think long term, manage wants versus needs, shared the same values as me about finances (money for experiences versus a Fancy car for example). We are married now 10 years. Never had one disagreement about finances. Spend money on travel and now include our kid. Tons saved for retirement. No worries. Even in a crisis we will be fine financially. Drive a car that is 11 years old when we could be driving a new Tesla. Everyone needs to read the thread from the woman who said her husband was sending them into bankruptcy.

[Anonymous]

Recently divorced and very financially stable. I wouldn't read too much into it if a woman advertised it on a dating profile. Red flags for me are the high end designer purses and such (unless she makes a lot of money and can afford her own).

Men should be financially stable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When a woman indicates that she's looking for a man who is "financially stable," is this always taken as code for being a gold digger?

Because when I say financially stable, I mean more or less on par with me or better, though not even necessarily comparing. I basically just mean being a full-fledged adult (I'm 29). Have a steady professional job, pay your own bills, preferably don't live with roommates or on a basement futon with a carpet covered in dorito crumbs. I'm not saying own a Tesla and a house in Bethesda. I'm not saying be rich and take care of me.

I realize that financial hardship can happen to anyone, including good people. But does it make me a shallow, greedy person to require a romantic interest to have his shit together, more or less?

It is code for gold digger. Women want a provider — and that means a nice house with good schools and amazing vacations while she stays home. It doesn’t mean a class B apartment and TJ frozen meals — which is perfectly financially stable until woman’s demands enter the fray.

+1. You can be perfectly financially stable with a studio apartment in Wheato, a Costco membership, a metro smartcard and library card. It's not really about that.

So, you are saying that "financially stable" doesn't mean financial stability in the way you describe? Because that would be fine with me.

I think my only nit picky preference is not living with roommates...but even with that I don't mind if it's a temporary thing to save money to buy a home, or maybe if he has just really really made a good home out of living with his buddies downtown or something. Even then, though, he'd have to be okay with spending time mainly at my place. I'm not about walking past the bros when I'm spending a night with my S.O.

And no, I probably wouldn't put "financially stable" as a requirement in a dating profile. I just want to convey that I'm looking for an adult, and with a certain level of responsibility and sophistication. Not living in a windowless basement with a mattress on the floor for a bed and a diet consisting of Ramen.

Ok. I understand. If you'd be OK with that, I agree you are not a gold digger. But it's a tricky thing to put in a dating profile
Perhaps something like "I am financially prudent and am looking for someone similar."

Financially prudent to me sounds like "let's go to Costco and cook lentils and put the balance in our Roth IRA's, honey." Not a great date for most people but fine for me.

My wife and I got to over $1 million net worth before 35 despite always making under $250k combined so I get where you are coming from. Just make it sound like you are boring and like saving and I think it's OK.

If something tragic happened and I was looking to date again, I don't even think I'd mind if I thought someone liked me because I have money. If mind if I thought they wanted me to spend it on them! I'm not a biglaw partner. I got here by NOT spending money on women.

I think this is a better way to put it. You want someone who is responsible with their money, leaves in their means, etc. In an expensive city, however, I wouldn't rule out someone with roommates. That IS being financially prudent. DH and I are in a really good place right now financially in part because he lived with roommates in his 20s and put a ton of money in retirement savings. I stupidly chose to live in my own place as soon as I could afford it and didn't save as much as I could have if I'd sucked it up and lived with roommates for longer.

[Anonymous]

Not a man, but that doesn't read gold digger to me. It reads no or little dept, pays own expenses, lives within their means, no room mates

[Anonymous]

She is looking for someone she can be a SAHM. she wants him to "Bring home the bacon" kinda guy

[Anonymous]

Speaking from a 39 year old Happily married female Standpoint, when a woman said she is looking for a man with financial stable, it doesn’t make her look like a goal digger.

I Agree that financially stable is minimal requirement for a husband or someone I want to as a life partner.
If a man feels that a woman who wants financially stable
Man is a gold digger , then he s either have low self esteem or you Should run the other way

[Anonymous]

I am 11.58
FYI I make 350k a year. I found a financially stable man who is a great provider.he is making over 1 mil. He s not multi millionaire/ billionaire. I am not a TroPhy wife. But together we support and complement each other In every aspect.

Yes please do not settled. It s alway good to know what you want and go for it.

[Anonymous]

I definitely want financially stable. To me that means someone who is financially independent, able to pay all their expenses, good with money, no consumer debt (student loans / mortgage type debt is fine), able to budget, able to afford and pay their share of a middle class lifestyle. My lifestyle isn't in any way luxurious or extravagant but I love to travel and want someone who has the funds to travel as well. Basically stable to me means financially savvy and makes good financial decisions. It doesn't mean x$ or provide for me. I would expect a man to want me to be financially stable as well.