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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When a woman indicates that she's looking for a man who is "financially stable," is this always taken as code for being a gold digger?

Because when I say financially stable, I mean more or less on par with me or better, though not even necessarily comparing. I basically just mean being a full-fledged adult (I'm 29). Have a steady professional job, pay your own bills, preferably don't live with roommates or on a basement futon with a carpet covered in dorito crumbs. I'm not saying own a Tesla and a house in Bethesda. I'm not saying be rich and take care of me.

I realize that financial hardship can happen to anyone, including good people. But does it make me a shallow, greedy person to require a romantic interest to have his shit together, more or less?[/quote]

It is code for gold digger. Women want a provider — and that means a nice house with good schools and amazing vacations while she stays home. It doesn’t mean a class B apartment and TJ frozen meals — which is perfectly financially stable until woman’s demands enter the fray. [/quote]

+1.  You can be perfectly financially stable with a studio apartment in Wheato, a Costco membership, a metro smartcard and library card.  It's not really about that.[/quote]

So, you are saying that "financially stable" doesn't mean financial stability in the way you describe? Because that would be fine with me.

I think my only nit picky preference is not living with roommates...but even with that I don't mind if it's a temporary thing to save money to buy a home, or maybe if he has just really really made a good home out of living with his buddies downtown or something. Even then, though, he'd have to be okay with spending time mainly at my place. I'm not about walking past the bros when I'm spending a night with my S.O.

And no, I probably wouldn't put "financially stable" as a requirement in a dating profile. I just want to convey that I'm looking for an adult, and with a certain level of responsibility and sophistication. Not living in a windowless basement with a mattress on the floor for a bed and a diet consisting of Ramen. [/quote]

Ok.  I understand.  If you'd be OK with that, I agree you are not a gold digger.  But it's a tricky thing to put in a dating profile
  [b]Perhaps something like "I am financially prudent and am looking for someone similar."[/b]

Financially prudent to me sounds like "let's go to Costco and cook lentils and put the balance in our Roth IRA's, honey."  Not a great date for most people but fine for me.

My wife and I got to over $1 million net worth before 35 despite always making under $250k combined so I get where you are coming from.  Just make it sound like you are boring and like saving and I think it's OK.

If something tragic happened and I was looking to date again, I don't even think I'd mind if I thought someone liked me because I have money.  If mind if I thought they wanted me to spend it on them!  I'm not a biglaw partner.  I got here by NOT spending money on women.[/quote]

I think this is a better way to put it. You want someone who is responsible with their money, leaves in their means, etc.  In an expensive city, however, I wouldn't rule out someone with roommates.  That IS being financially prudent.  DH and I are in a really good place right now financially in part because he lived with roommates in his 20s and put a ton of money in retirement savings.  I stupidly chose to live in my own place as soon as I could afford it and didn't save as much as I could have if I'd sucked it up and lived with roommates for longer.[/quote]

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