"Financially stable"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look there are different standards for men and women. Men have it a lot tough vs women. A woman’s financial stability(or living at home, driving a beater, etc) is not something the will stop a man from dating or marriage her. Now it will stop most women from even considering a man.

Maybe it won't stop all men, but a prudent (financially stable and responsible) man will not marry a financially unstable woman.

That doesn't mean "poor" - a man will marry a woman who doesn't make a lot of money if she is financially prudent and stable. When I met my DW, she wasn't making much money, but she had paid off all her student loans and had already put a big chunk away in her retirement plan. I regarded this as a major "green flag"!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP and I've been wondering the same things. I'm a divorced woman with over $1M net worth, and I drive an old car rather than buying a Tesla (although I do love to travel!). Dating apps seem to be rife with men who are looking for a sugar momma to help them retire (it's not clear from what) at 55, not to mention, put a roof over their heads and buy them health insurance.

So far, though, I've resisted putting, "I'm financially secure and you should be, too."

Instead I've been relying on some tells. Simply saying "self-employed" or "independent consultant" are often tips. If he's a self-employed professional, he's going to say what he does (computer programmer, doctor, lawyer, real estate agent, accountant) rather than just "self-employed".

This isn't foolproof, though.

Ultimately you are going to have to date the guy and watch how he lives and behaves.

So far, though, I've resisted putting, "I'm financially secure and you should be, too." <-- I think this might actually attract guys looking for a sugar momma, not drive them away.

Not to put too fine a point on it, if you were intent on remarrying, a mutual "show me your credit report" might be in order, as well as some form of prenuptial agreement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think saying you want someone financially stable means you're a grown up. It may also mean you've been burned before by slackers but mostly it means you have your head on straight.

Far too few people pay attention to how a significant other manages money.

If you're concerned about being perceived as a gold digger (which I think is ridiculous) you can use different words and make it funny or convey the same message.

- If you're still living at home, can't get a line of credit and have a credit score lower than your SATs we probably won't be a great fit.
- Seeking someone who shares my enjoyment of great credit scores, emergency reserves, and the freedom that comes with being financially smart.
- I'm not looking for a sugar-daddy (nor am I looking to be a sugar-momma) but I am attracted to people who have their finances in order.
- If I said "Hey, I just bought tix to Greece next month - want to join me?" are you the kind of guy who has the spirit of adventure (and financial ability) to say "sure!"?
- I'm smart, independent, fun, financially secure, and looking for similar folks to meet. If you need a Mom, a funding source, or a nurse I'm not your gal, but if you enjoy last minute adventures, blah blah blah....

Not to nitpick but I wouldn't use this line given as a perfect credit score will likely be below even an average SAT score.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look there are different standards for men and women. Men have it a lot tough vs women. A woman’s financial stability(or living at home, driving a beater, etc) is not something the will stop a man from dating or marriage her. Now it will stop most women from even considering a man.

Maybe it won't stop all men, but a prudent (financially stable and responsible) man will not marry a financially unstable woman.

That doesn't mean "poor" - a man will marry a woman who doesn't make a lot of money if she is financially prudent and stable. When I met my DW, she wasn't making much money, but she had paid off all her student loans and had already put a big chunk away in her retirement plan. I regarded this as a major "green flag"!

+1. I also screened out wild spenders when I was dating in favor of someone like me that is responsible and a saver.

[Anonymous]

It’s NOT code for gold digger. It’s code for responsible.

"I am financially prudent and am looking for someone similar."

I definitely want financially stable.

When a woman age 28 to 35 says this, it translates as follows:

"I spent the last ten to fifteen years having sex with an endless string of outlaw bikers, escaped mental patients, and tatted musicians, but now I want a boring guy with a job so I can have babies."

That's great for you, but don't be surprised if the "boring" guy you rejected back in college isn't interested in you now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again.

Yeah, I still err on not putting any financial or socio-economic "requirements" in a dating profile and would always get to know a person first before "evaluating" them. It's more about certain tells that signal whether or not someone is LTR material. It's a certain form of maturity.

The "apartment in Wheaton with a Costco membership" is a perfectly reasonable standard of living for a millennial. Even if he did have roommates - because he wanted to be closer to work in downtown DC, or because he wanted to aggressively save for a downpayment, etc - this would be fine. That's why I hit more at the "mom's basement" thing, or "mattress on the floor with pizza stains." I need to see a certain kind of sophistication and pride in one's standard of living, and an earnest effort to improve one's overall financial and residential situation from when he was in college. There are too many 30-year-old men who don't.

OP, you're doing fine! My standards were similar back in the day. I was and am NOT a gold-digger, I have worked since I was 15 with no breaks, and I earn a little bit more than my husband. When I was dating in my mid to late 20s, I had "financially stable" as my criteria. To me that meant gainfully employed in a full time job and living independently outside of the parental home (either with roommates or alone). My husband was making 50K when we met in the late 2000s, hardly wealthy. But it was a solid job with a good company, he had his own apartment, he knew how to cook and take care of himself, and in general was a stable adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It’s NOT code for gold digger. It’s code for responsible.

"I am financially prudent and am looking for someone similar."

I definitely want financially stable.

When a woman age 28 to 35 says this, it translates as follows:

"I spent the last ten to fifteen years having sex with an endless string of outlaw bikers, escaped mental patients, and tatted musicians, but now I want a boring guy with a job so I can have babies."

That's great for you, but don't be surprised if the "boring" guy you rejected back in college isn't interested in you now.

A silly generalization. Out of all my friends, relatives, and acquaintances, I can only think of one woman this applies to. My husband and I started dating when I was 28, and he was my third partner (and hey, he was the first guy I ever dated with a tattoo!) At 28, I owned a condo, had a solid career, and enjoyed a pretty nice life - I was not looking for someone to carry me, but rather an equal partner to set up a life and a family with.

[Anonymous]

OP, do not be afraid of partnering with someone with the same goals as you.

[Anonymous]

Taking a spur of the moment trip to Greece is what financially prudent and smart people do NOT do at age 28.

[Anonymous]

To me “financially stable” means living within ones means, not have revolving debt, not gambling, saving ..... It isn’t about the total HHI, it is more on the spending side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When a woman indicates that she's looking for a man who is "financially stable," is this always taken as code for being a gold digger?

Because when I say financially stable, I mean more or less on par with me or better, though not even necessarily comparing. I basically just mean being a full-fledged adult (I'm 29). Have a steady professional job, pay your own bills, preferably don't live with roommates or on a basement futon with a carpet covered in dorito crumbs. I'm not saying own a Tesla and a house in Bethesda. I'm not saying be rich and take care of me.

I realize that financial hardship can happen to anyone, including good people. But does it make me a shallow, greedy person to require a romantic interest to have his shit together, more or less?

It does not make you shallow and greedy. It makes you smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It’s NOT code for gold digger. It’s code for responsible.

"I am financially prudent and am looking for someone similar."

I definitely want financially stable.

When a woman age 28 to 35 says this, it translates as follows:

"I spent the last ten to fifteen years having sex with an endless string of outlaw bikers, escaped mental patients, and tatted musicians, but now I want a boring guy with a job so I can have babies."

That's great for you, but don't be surprised if the "boring" guy you rejected back in college isn't interested in you now.

A silly generalization. Out of all my friends, relatives, and acquaintances, I can only think of one woman this applies to. My husband and I started dating when I was 28, and he was my third partner (and hey, he was the first guy I ever dated with a tattoo!) At 28, I owned a condo, had a solid career, and enjoyed a pretty nice life - I was not looking for someone to carry me, but rather an equal partner to set up a life and a family with.

It is both silly and logically false to generalize to all women from your own personal experience. Try again with less solipsism next time.

"Women want to date bad boys in their 20s and then want to settle down with a nice guy" is so commonplace now that it's practically a meme. Heck, you have CEOs advising women to do exactly that:

“When looking for a life partner, my advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.” -- Sheryl Sandberg

Not explained: why a guy who worked hard and get a good job is going to want to split his wealth 50/50 with someone who spent her twenties slutting around with the worst men imaginable.

[Anonymous]

Not explained: why a guy who worked hard and get a good job is going to want to split his wealth 50/50 with someone who spent her twenties slutting around with the worst men imaginable.

First, it’s not about who dies with the most money. Christ, women are obsessed with the guy’s money.
Second, men don’t care about a woman’s resume as much as you care. What matters is who she is here and now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 11.58
FYI I make 350k a year. I found a financially stable man who is a great provider.he is making over 1 mil. He s not multi millionaire/ billionaire. I am not a TroPhy wife. But together we support and complement each other In every aspect.

Yes please do not settled. It s alway good to know what you want and go for it.

What does "I am 11.58" mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 11.58
FYI I make 350k a year. I found a financially stable man who is a great provider.he is making over 1 mil. He s not multi millionaire/ billionaire. I am not a TroPhy wife. But together we support and complement each other In every aspect.

Yes please do not settled. It s alway good to know what you want and go for it.

What does "I am 11.58" mean?

The person who posted the message time stamped at 11:58, which is back on page 1.