Son's ideas of beauty

[Anonymous]

I have a professional job and wear makeup every day to work and occasionally on the weekends. I will be the first to admit I look very different with and without makeup.

My 5 year old son has recently started expressing his preference for when I wear makeup by saying things like, "You're less beautiful when you don't have makeup on," which generally I just find funny. I usually respond by saying it doesn't really matter what I look like on the outside, what matters is that I'm kind, smart, etc. I also make sure to tell him that it's my choice whether or not to wear makeup because it's my body, my choice. I've also explained that comments can hurt people's feelings and we need to be conscious of that.

I'm sure this is just a phase, but is there anything else I should be discussing with him? I am the only woman in our home (we have two other boys), and I want to do everything I can to make sure my kid respects and is kind to women. Thanks!

[Anonymous]

He is five and has no filter yet. Don't overthink things. I think wording like "what matters is that I'm kind, smart" in this particular situation is rather disingenuous when you are in fact making a choice to wear makeup that makes you look very different, every day. I think the more important message is about being concerned with the feelings of others when you make comments about appearance. Compliments are ok, so "you look so pretty with that makeup on" would be fine. Negative comments ("you're less beautiful") are not ok because they can hurt people's feelings and make them sad.

In our family, outside of positive compliments, we only say things that are truthful, necessary and kind. Negative comments like your son is saying are not all three of those and so would be kept to ourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a professional job and wear makeup every day to work and occasionally on the weekends. I will be the first to admit I look very different with and without makeup.

My 5 year old son has recently started expressing his preference for when I wear makeup by saying things like, "You're less beautiful when you don't have makeup on," which generally I just find funny. I usually respond by saying it doesn't really matter what I look like on the outside, what matters is that I'm kind, smart, etc. I also make sure to tell him that it's my choice whether or not to wear makeup because it's my body, my choice. I've also explained that comments can hurt people's feelings and we need to be conscious of that.

I'm sure this is just a phase, but is there anything else I should be discussing with him? I am the only woman in our home (we have two other boys), and I want to do everything I can to make sure my kid respects and is kind to women. Thanks!

The hypocrisy is hilarious. You also agree that you look better with the makeup; that's why you're wearing it. How do you say it doesn't matter what you look like, when you put the makeup on in the first place. Don't tell him he's wrong, because his BS detector will sound. Tell him that you agree you like the way you look in makeup, too, but you also think you look fine and more relaxed without it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is five and has no filter yet. Don't overthink things. I think wording like "what matters is that I'm kind, smart" in this particular situation is rather disingenuous when you are in fact making a choice to wear makeup that makes you look very different, every day. I think the more important message is about being concerned with the feelings of others when you make comments about appearance. Compliments are ok, so "you look so pretty with that makeup on" would be fine. Negative comments ("you're less beautiful") are not ok because they can hurt people's feelings and make them sad.

In our family, outside of positive compliments, we only say things that are truthful, necessary and kind. Negative comments like your son is saying are not all three of those and so would be kept to ourselves.

FYI - There are plenty of posters who say that language isn't allowed either.

I don't disagree with your sentiment but I also know that you can't win, no matter what you do or do not say.

[Anonymous]

He is reflecting what you are modeling.

[Anonymous]

He's not wrong OP. Many women / people look much more attractive with makeup..

[Anonymous]

My 6 year old tells me that I don't need make up to look pretty. As soon as I am ready to swoon with love, she then says "but I wish you were 25. You'd be really cute if you were still 25 instead of 42."

Whomp Whomp. Kids are mean

[Anonymous]

You are teaching him that women's natural faces are not okay. That they need to cover them to be pretty.

Lots of women teach their sons and daughters that women are not okay naturally as they are.

[Anonymous]

My friend's son told her "Mommy, nobody will buy anything from you if you wear pants instead of a skirt."

[Anonymous]

You have a full tie job, and are a mother, and you have time to dissect a 5 year olds sentence? Could be that you think you are ugly?

[Anonymous]

He’s telling like it is, maybe, through an honest, unfiltered view. Sounds like that bothers you to a strange degree.

[Anonymous]

Well, if makeup made you uglier, you wouldn’t wear it. That’s makeup’s sole purpose in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

In our family, outside of positive compliments, we only say things that are truthful, necessary and kind. Negative comments like your son is saying are not all three of those and so would be kept to ourselves.

I think this is great for outside the family, but what is so wrong with a 5 year old expressing his preference? He wasn't trying to be mean. Maybe we shouldn't try to control what they are saying so much so they can feel free to say what they want? Why can't mom say, "You know what, sweetie, i like the way I look with make-up too, but I also don't want to bother with that on the weekend, and I think I look fine without it."

I don't wear makeup because it's too much work and I don't really know how but I'm sure I would look better with it on!

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks to all for the helpful comments! To those who commented that I am "bothered" by this, rest assured I am not. I figured this was a typical preschooler filter thing, but just want to make sure I am using this as a teachable moment to the extent I can.

[Anonymous]

You have a full tie job, and are a mother, and you have time to dissect a 5 year olds sentence? Could be that you think you are ugly?

OP again - Actually, the opposite. I am a former model and while I like to wear makeup at times, I want to make sure he understands that physical beauty is not as important as our society makes it seem. Also, I don't work full time so that gives me much more time to dissect my kid's sentences.