Vent about my sister just being a jerk

[Anonymous]

My dad had major surgery this year. Luckily he is recovering and should be ok. However he said it’s important to him for everyone to be together this year for the holidays. My sister said she’d be there, but out of nowhere just sent us flight info for a vacation she’s taking with her husband. This isn’t some once in a lifetime trip; it’s a trip they take every year.

I just feel terrible for my dad, who she didn’t even give advance warning that she had changed her plans.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. That's tough that she didn't provide at least some notice.

That said, it's not reasonable to issue a summons for another adult's time. An invitation is great, yes. An idea for everyone to be together, yes. But at the end of the day, there is nothing wrong with another adult making a decision with his or her time and how they want to spend the little vacation they have.

For all you know, the marriage is under strain, and the choice was made to regroup the marriage with a nice vacation rather than the stress of family at the holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. That's tough that she didn't provide at least some notice.

That said, it's not reasonable to issue a summons for another adult's time. An invitation is great, yes. An idea for everyone to be together, yes. But at the end of the day, there is nothing wrong with another adult making a decision with his or her time and how they want to spend the little vacation they have.

For all you know, the marriage is under strain, and the choice was made to regroup the marriage with a nice vacation rather than the stress of family at the holidays.

What? "The Holidays" typically means the Christmas/New Years time frame, in which case she let them know 7 weeks in advance. And even if it refers to Thanksgiving, that's three weeks from today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. That's tough that she didn't provide at least some notice.

That said, it's not reasonable to issue a summons for another adult's time. An invitation is great, yes. An idea for everyone to be together, yes. But at the end of the day, there is nothing wrong with another adult making a decision with his or her time and how they want to spend the little vacation they have.

For all you know, the marriage is under strain, and the choice was made to regroup the marriage with a nice vacation rather than the stress of family at the holidays.

What? "The Holidays" typically means the Christmas/New Years time frame, in which case she let them know 7 weeks in advance. And even if it refers to Thanksgiving, that's three weeks from today.

He meant Thanksgiving and Christmas. She said she’d be there and then just sent flight info to us with nothing else even in the email.

[Anonymous]

Just stay out of it. Who cares if your sister comes? Maybe her relationship with your dad is not great or maybe she is a jerk. Have the relationship you want to have with your parent. Don't worry about her., don't gossip about her.

[Anonymous]

So, will she literally be gone for the entirety of both Thanksgiving and Christmas? That seems unlikely. If you now have the flight information, you can now all determine the period of days when the entire family could get together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad had major surgery this year. Luckily he is recovering and should be ok. However he said it’s important to him for everyone to be together this year for the holidays. My sister said she’d be there, but out of nowhere just sent us flight info for a vacation she’s taking with her husband. This isn’t some once in a lifetime trip; it’s a trip they take every year.

I just feel terrible for my dad, who she didn’t even give advance warning that she had changed her plans.

This is the advance warning that she’s changed her plans.

[Anonymous]

This sounds familiar, have you posted before about this? Or maybe that was someone whose dad was trying to force everyone to go on a trip, but one sister's DH wasn't invited? I can't remember...

But yeah, he can invite you all, say how much it'd mean for him to have you together, and she's allowed to say no thanks.

Maybe ask her if there's another time she'd like to help get the family together, that's not the holidays?

[Anonymous]

I'd stay out of it, OP.

Your sister may very well be a jerk. Don't become the arbiter of all family things - this is between her and your dad. My guess is that there's more to this story, or some kind of imperfect relationship history w/ dad. Not saying it's justified, but you gotta let adults be adults and not try and manage the relationships of other adults.

[Anonymous]

You clearly said it's a trip they take every year. To me it would mean-'Yes-lets plan to all be there but remember we do this trip (obviously something important to them as they do EVERY year you say) so letting every one know to plan the group get together around these dates. Have you talked to her??

[Anonymous]

Your sister is taking a trip during Thanksgiving and Christmas? And she does it every year?

I want to be your sister in the worst way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your sister is taking a trip during Thanksgiving and Christmas? And she does it every year?

I want to be your sister in the worst way.

She doesn’t have a kid and her husband is a lawyer. She makes about six figures herself. So they travel a lot.

[Anonymous]

I hate when adults try to manage other adults’ relationships. Let it be - it has nothing to do with you.

[Anonymous]

Good for your sister! You said your Dad will be ok, so what is wrong with her doing her regular yearly trip? Make plans around it. Your family can get together anytime during the holidays, you do not have to be bonded holding hands from Thanksgiving to Christmas. You should stay out of this! Your relationship with your Dad is one thing, hers may be something else. Stop trying to create family drama. Who knows, you Dad may outlive you and your sister. Lighten up for the Holidays.

[Anonymous]

Your relationship with your sister may be the reason she does not want to be there as commanded. Let her enjoy her trip. There are 365 days in the year to have a family party.