Vent about my sister just being a jerk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your relationship with your sister may be the reason she does not want to be there as commanded. Let her enjoy her trip. There are 365 days in the year to have a family party.

I haven’t said a word to her about this. She barely sees any of us. 1-2 times a year at most. I’ve never said a word to her about it, so I don’t think I’m the reason she’s not coming.

I think the thing that really bugs me is she told my dad she’d be there and then just sent an email with flight and hotel info for this other trip, with zero explanation. When I saw it I thought it was info for her coming to visit my parents, but clearly the flights were to a different place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good for your sister! You said your Dad will be ok, so what is wrong with her doing her regular yearly trip? Make plans around it. Your family can get together anytime during the holidays, you do not have to be bonded holding hands from Thanksgiving to Christmas. You should stay out of this! Your relationship with your Dad is one thing, hers may be something else. Stop trying to create family drama. Who knows, you Dad may outlive you and your sister. Lighten up for the Holidays.

She won’t be around for the holidays at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for your sister! You said your Dad will be ok, so what is wrong with her doing her regular yearly trip? Make plans around it. Your family can get together anytime during the holidays, you do not have to be bonded holding hands from Thanksgiving to Christmas. You should stay out of this! Your relationship with your Dad is one thing, hers may be something else. Stop trying to create family drama. Who knows, you Dad may outlive you and your sister. Lighten up for the Holidays.

She won’t be around for the holidays at all.

There's more to it than you know. Your dad is an adult as is your sister, let them sort out their relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for your sister! You said your Dad will be ok, so what is wrong with her doing her regular yearly trip? Make plans around it. Your family can get together anytime during the holidays, you do not have to be bonded holding hands from Thanksgiving to Christmas. You should stay out of this! Your relationship with your Dad is one thing, hers may be something else. Stop trying to create family drama. Who knows, you Dad may outlive you and your sister. Lighten up for the Holidays.

She won’t be around for the holidays at all.

Do you miss her or are you resentful that you have to be the "good daughter". The advice to MYOB is good. You are wasting too much emotional energy.

[Anonymous]

Ignore, say nothing, and plan something special with your dad. Even if it’s just a time to reminisce. Just be present with him and he’ll know he’s loved. And you’re not doing this because you want to show up your sister or anything like that. You’re doing this because you love your dad and you want to be with him. Enjoy the special time together

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good for your sister! You said your Dad will be ok, so what is wrong with her doing her regular yearly trip? Make plans around it. Your family can get together anytime during the holidays, you do not have to be bonded holding hands from Thanksgiving to Christmas. You should stay out of this! Your relationship with your Dad is one thing, hers may be something else. Stop trying to create family drama. Who knows, you Dad may outlive you and your sister. Lighten up for the Holidays.

She won’t be around for the holidays at all.

Do you miss her or are you resentful that you have to be the "good daughter". The advice to MYOB is good. You are wasting too much emotional energy.

I miss her and am upset that she's hurting my dad. This isn't the first time she's done this and this time it's particularly hurtful because we had all decided we would make this holiday season special, given what he went through earlier in the year.

[Anonymous]

So, she’s literally taking a trip that will last from Thanksgiving to Christmas? Or you’re just being dramatic?

[Anonymous]

So call her up and say, "I thought we all agreed to be here with Dad for Christmas. What changed?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, she’s literally taking a trip that will last from Thanksgiving to Christmas? Or you’re just being dramatic?

She's taking a trip during both times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So call her up and say, "I thought we all agreed to be here with Dad for Christmas. What changed?"

Her plans changed, she has changed her mind etc. She does not owe the sister an explanation and quite frankly nothing good can come of confronting an adult about their choice/decision. She has given everyone plenty of advance notice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad had major surgery this year. Luckily he is recovering and should be ok. However he said it’s important to him for everyone to be together this year for the holidays. My sister said she’d be there, but out of nowhere just sent us flight info for a vacation she’s taking with her husband. This isn’t some once in a lifetime trip; it’s a trip they take every year.

I just feel terrible for my dad, who she didn’t even give advance warning that she had changed her plans.

This is the advance warning that she’s changed her plans.

+1 How much notice is enough for you? And don't meddle in it. That's between your sister and your dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad had major surgery this year. Luckily he is recovering and should be ok. However he said it’s important to him for everyone to be together this year for the holidays. My sister said she’d be there, but out of nowhere just sent us flight info for a vacation she’s taking with her husband. This isn’t some once in a lifetime trip; it’s a trip they take every year.

I just feel terrible for my dad, who she didn’t even give advance warning that she had changed her plans.

This is the advance warning that she’s changed her plans.

+1 How much notice is enough for you? And don't meddle in it. That's between your sister and your dad.

She sent an email with the subject line "november/december trips." Then there was flight and hotel info. No explanation as to why she decided to travel rather than be with her family.

Does she owe us an explanation? No.

Would it have been the respectful thing to do? Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So call her up and say, "I thought we all agreed to be here with Dad for Christmas. What changed?"

Her plans changed, she has changed her mind etc. She does not owe the sister an explanation and quite frankly nothing good can come of confronting an adult about their choice/decision. She has given everyone plenty of advance notice.

Well, if you're not close enough with your sister to ask why she's changed her plans, then I don't know why you are sad not to see her. I talk to my sister several times a week and her vacation plans would never come as a surprise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad had major surgery this year. Luckily he is recovering and should be ok. However he said it’s important to him for everyone to be together this year for the holidays. My sister said she’d be there, but out of nowhere just sent us flight info for a vacation she’s taking with her husband. This isn’t some once in a lifetime trip; it’s a trip they take every year.

I just feel terrible for my dad, who she didn’t even give advance warning that she had changed her plans.

This is the advance warning that she’s changed her plans.

+1 How much notice is enough for you? And don't meddle in it. That's between your sister and your dad.

She sent an email with the subject line "november/december trips." Then there was flight and hotel info. No explanation as to why she decided to travel rather than be with her family.

Does she owe us an explanation? No.

Would it have been the respectful thing to do? Yes.

No offense, but it doesn't sound like she cares much about your family at all.

[Anonymous]

You call and try to be persuasive.