How do I unspoil him?

[Anonymous]

He will be 13. We honestly haven’t given much as presents compared to what kids at his school get. He had gone to small private schools, and now he’s in a public middle school in Potomac. So it’s a bunch of wealthier families. We aren’t poor, but we aren’t them, either. We don’t live in Potomac. But he’s zoned to go there for whatever reason. He does NOT appreciate what he gets and wants more. Like he’s trying to keep up with the Jones’ kids.

For his 13th birthday we are taking him on a small road trip to a nice hotel to spend time doing one of his favorite hobbies. It’s an upgraded hotel with a suite that gives him his own room, and has a huge indoor pool. Plus he will get some presents. He’s upset that the trip cost will “cut into gift money.” And “last year I barely got any presents. A gaming chair and two games.”

I don’t want to give him anything right now. But that’s a lousy way to commemorate a 13th birthday. How do I bring him back to reality?

[Anonymous]

Did he want the trip or did you choose to do a trip and callout a present? It sounds like he wanted a very different day and you didn't care/listen.

[Anonymous]

He's not allowed to talk like that. You can't help what he thinks. No one can control what someone thinks -- it's on him, really, to be a better person. However, the behavior, the rudeness should not be tolerated

What to do, exactly, about enforcement .. I need to think about that. No immediate answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did he want the trip or did you choose to do a trip and callout a present? It sounds like he wanted a very different day and you didn't care/listen.

Why would you say that? What makes you think I don’t care or listen to my son? I have a budget, and whatever happens has to be within that budget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he want the trip or did you choose to do a trip and callout a present? It sounds like he wanted a very different day and you didn't care/listen.

Why would you say that? What makes you think I don’t care or listen to my son? I have a budget, and whatever happens has to be within that budget.

The PP is asking - did you give him a choice of trip vs bigger gift?

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing the "suite with his own room" is more for your (you and your spouse) benefit than his. I have 4 kids, the youngest is 13, and they really don't care if they sleep on a pull out sofa or share a bed with a sibling, etc. on trips.

[Anonymous]

Cancel the trip. Get a cake and one gift that costs no more than $75. He will have a temper tantrum. When he's done, you can have the conversation in which you inform him that until he learns how to appropriately express gratitude, this is what gifts will be from now on.

Also: does he GIVE gifts? He should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cancel the trip. Get a cake and one gift that costs no more than $75. He will have a temper tantrum. When he's done, you can have the conversation in which you inform him that until he learns how to appropriately express gratitude, this is what gifts will be from now on.

Also: does he GIVE gifts? He should.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Why do you think he’s entitled to some great bday for his 13th?

I agree with pp’s. Did you ask him what he wants? He doesn’t get to dictate your budget, but based on his response, it sounds like this trip was your idea, not his.

[Anonymous]

He doesn’t want the hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did he want the trip or did you choose to do a trip and callout a present? It sounds like he wanted a very different day and you didn't care/listen.

No one is entitled to a birthday gift - or any other gift. Whether it is what you would choose, you still need to be gracious.

I’d cancel the trip since he doesn’t want it and I’d scale down the birthday.

And, FWIW, I agree with the PP who says kids don’t care where they sleep in a hotel. Upgrades mean nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing the "suite with his own room" is more for your (you and your spouse) benefit than his. I have 4 kids, the youngest is 13, and they really don't care if they sleep on a pull out sofa or share a bed with a sibling, etc. on trips.

+1, we've share a hotel room with another family. 3 kids on the floor, 4 adults in the two beds. No big deal. You make it work. You spent a lot on the trip which was probably more for you/husband. He wants a gift. A chair and two games is stingy when you can do more. He's upset that you planned a birthday that he doesn't want and cannot say no to. Talk to him, not us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cancel the trip. Get a cake and one gift that costs no more than $75. He will have a temper tantrum. When he's done, you can have the conversation in which you inform him that until he learns how to appropriately express gratitude, this is what gifts will be from now on.

Also: does he GIVE gifts? He should.

Scale down? She got him two games and a chair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he want the trip or did you choose to do a trip and callout a present? It sounds like he wanted a very different day and you didn't care/listen.

No one is entitled to a birthday gift - or any other gift. Whether it is what you would choose, you still need to be gracious.

I’d cancel the trip since he doesn’t want it and I’d scale down the birthday.

And, FWIW, I agree with the PP who says kids don’t care where they sleep in a hotel. Upgrades mean nothing.

I agree with the hotel part. My kids don't care if we are all in one room or if we have a suite. Means nothing to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did he want the trip or did you choose to do a trip and callout a present? It sounds like he wanted a very different day and you didn't care/listen.

No one is entitled to a birthday gift - or any other gift. Whether it is what you would choose, you still need to be gracious.

I’d cancel the trip since he doesn’t want it and I’d scale down the birthday.

And, FWIW, I agree with the PP who says kids don’t care where they sleep in a hotel. Upgrades mean nothing.

It does to him. He constantly complains about us snoring,etc.