How do I unspoil him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have we found out what this “hobby” is? I think it might provide some context. If it’s something like skiing, then yeah the kid should be a little happier to go. But, maybe it’s something the kid actually hates like a math competition, ballroom dancing, or competitive knitting...if it’s something like that, I can see why the kid is pissed.

I’m interested to know especially since OP said it’s something she has to help him with...what hobby do teen boys do with their moms?

I’m guessing it’s an east coast weekend ski trip and his school friends will spend MLK Or Presidents’ Day in Utah or Colorado.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having been a kid who is a “have not” in a school full of kids who have it all, I feel for your DS, I really, really do. It’s so hard when everyone’s norm appears to be your once or twice a year experience. And even harder when you are the new kid. Today, I don’t think $250 is outrageous for older kids bdays. Electronics and games and such mare expensive and just last year I paid twice that for just 2 gifts for my teen.

My mom used to say that I was so ungrateful and by her adult measure, I was. But in truth, I wasn’t being ungrateful as a teen, I just could t understand how much hard work it took for my family to get to the baseline standard that everyone including us had -nice home in suburbia, mom at home, private school, shopped in department stores not discount. That’s what my mom and dad wanted me to be grateful for but it was just the norm to me and I didn’t really know there could be any other way. How could I ? I grew up and was surrounded by the same and I was still a kid. I thought when my parents said I needed to be more grateful, they wanted me to be happier about getting a new full price designer label item because it went beyond our standard gifts. I did t get they wanted me to be grateful for my everyday standard of living. It’s not a concept teens grasp.

+1

There’s NOTHING you could have done to “unspoil” me, and I felt quite victimized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having been a kid who is a “have not” in a school full of kids who have it all, I feel for your DS, I really, really do. It’s so hard when everyone’s norm appears to be your once or twice a year experience. And even harder when you are the new kid. Today, I don’t think $250 is outrageous for older kids bdays. Electronics and games and such mare expensive and just last year I paid twice that for just 2 gifts for my teen.

My mom used to say that I was so ungrateful and by her adult measure, I was. But in truth, I wasn’t being ungrateful as a teen, I just could t understand how much hard work it took for my family to get to the baseline standard that everyone including us had -nice home in suburbia, mom at home, private school, shopped in department stores not discount. That’s what my mom and dad wanted me to be grateful for but it was just the norm to me and I didn’t really know there could be any other way. How could I ? I grew up and was surrounded by the same and I was still a kid. I thought when my parents said I needed to be more grateful, they wanted me to be happier about getting a new full price designer label item because it went beyond our standard gifts. I did t get they wanted me to be grateful for my everyday standard of living. It’s not a concept teens grasp.

+1

There’s NOTHING you could have done to “unspoil” me, and I felt quite victimized.

I can’t disagree more with these posts. Many of my friends growing up were much wealthier than us but we had much more than many families in our poor area. Somehow my parents were able to make sure we understood how fortunate we were even if we did not have the country club memberships and fancy items our friends had. My parents also understood the importance of not spoiling children from a very early age and had the ability to say not and stick to consequences, which is direly missing from parents in this area today.

Op you need to stick to consequences and learn how to say no. He will be fine.

[Anonymous]

Have read everything but my mom used to pull the “a trip for your bday” and it was never something I wanted to do. I actually hated traveling in weekends. I just wanted a sleepover with friends.

[Anonymous]

Haven’t read

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have read everything but my mom used to pull the “a trip for your bday” and it was never something I wanted to do. I actually hated traveling in weekends. I just wanted a sleepover with friends.

My 12yo dd has specifically requested a trip with just me (her mom) for her 13th birthday, so goes to show that every kid is different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have read everything but my mom used to pull the “a trip for your bday” and it was never something I wanted to do. I actually hated traveling in weekends. I just wanted a sleepover with friends.

My 12yo dd has specifically requested a trip with just me (her mom) for her 13th birthday, so goes to show that every kid is different.

It sounds like you are listening to your child who wants a trip while others are saying that they didn't want the trip. The key is communication and parents listening to what their kids want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having been a kid who is a “have not” in a school full of kids who have it all, I feel for your DS, I really, really do. It’s so hard when everyone’s norm appears to be your once or twice a year experience. And even harder when you are the new kid. Today, I don’t think $250 is outrageous for older kids bdays. Electronics and games and such mare expensive and just last year I paid twice that for just 2 gifts for my teen.

My mom used to say that I was so ungrateful and by her adult measure, I was. But in truth, I wasn’t being ungrateful as a teen, I just could t understand how much hard work it took for my family to get to the baseline standard that everyone including us had -nice home in suburbia, mom at home, private school, shopped in department stores not discount. That’s what my mom and dad wanted me to be grateful for but it was just the norm to me and I didn’t really know there could be any other way. How could I ? I grew up and was surrounded by the same and I was still a kid. I thought when my parents said I needed to be more grateful, they wanted me to be happier about getting a new full price designer label item because it went beyond our standard gifts. I did t get they wanted me to be grateful for my everyday standard of living. It’s not a concept teens grasp.

+1

There’s NOTHING you could have done to “unspoil” me, and I felt quite victimized.

I can’t disagree more with these posts. Many of my friends growing up were much wealthier than us but we had much more than many families in our poor area. Somehow my parents were able to make sure we understood how fortunate we were even if we did not have the country club memberships and fancy items our friends had. My parents also understood the importance of not spoiling children from a very early age and had the ability to say not and stick to consequences, which is direly missing from parents in this area today.

Op you need to stick to consequences and learn how to say no. He will be fine.

But you saw both in your community growing up and so you knew that you had less than some but more than others. This is different from kids who grow up in a private school bubble where it seems like EVERYONE has X, Y, Z things. I went to a HS where we had more than most. My friends' families did not take the vacations we did, though they were not poor by any means and had everything they needed. My brother went to a HS where there were more actually quite rich people. They went on more ski vacations and sometimes took my brother along. They had fancier houses and stuff. To some degree, I think it did affect whether we appreciated the things we had as teens. I don't think it affected us all that much as adults. Most kids lack perspective. It's a developmental part of who they are. Most kids grow out of it and understand more about the world as they become independent and fully responsible for themselves.