Been ghosted by a 'friend' and it kind of hurts

[Anonymous]

I was friends with a mom for the past 3 years. Not super close friends but our kids were in the same grade/class all 3 years. This year they are not. The kids are still friends but the mom doesn't seem to want to really continue the friendship and it kind of hurts.
I texted her about a month ago to see if she wanted to grab a coffee (something we used to do sometimes). Nothing. Never heard anything back at all. I ran into her at a sporting even last month and said 'hi' and was walking over to chat but she waved, smiled and walked away to talk to someone else.
Now our kids are in the same sport and have practice together. I arrived early and sat down to watch and she walked in, waved and sat with another group.

It just hurts. NO idea what happened but it is almost like she is mad? It seems super awkward now even though nothing 'happened' as far as I know. Just sucks.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been in your shoes OP, except it was an 10 year friendship. I’ll give you the honest truth and hopefully save you some embarrassment - She’s either upset with you or doesn’t find your friendship useful anymore. Don’t bother asking what happened or if you can make apologize because either way you won’t get a straight/honest answer from her. The friendship was not important enough to her to give you both the chance to repair it. Move on, be polite/cordial but don’t make any additional effort with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been in your shoes OP, except it was an 10 year friendship. I’ll give you the honest truth and hopefully save you some embarrassment - She’s either upset with you or doesn’t find your friendship useful anymore. Don’t bother asking what happened or if you can make apologize because either way you won’t get a straight/honest answer from her. The friendship was not important enough to her to give you both the chance to repair it. Move on, be polite/cordial but don’t make any additional effort with her.

+1 Sensible advice. Sorry, OP, always hurtful to be in this situation.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry OP. Of course it hurts.

What I like to do in these situations where you'll never find out "the answer" is just make up an elaborate story.

The more outlandish the story, the better. You look exactly like the woman who her DH is having an affair with, or her kid stole something from your kid and she feels embarrassed every time she sees you.

The point of the exercise (for me) is that there are almost an infinite number of reasons and explanations for things, and only some of those reasons imply that there's something wrong with me, or I did something wrong.

[Anonymous]

The exact same thing happened to me, even your examples happened to me x10. I never asked what’s wrong because that would be an awkward, unproductive conversation. I was really hurt though! Now I’m over it

Just move on, make new friends!

[Anonymous]

I’m in a similar situation and it’s so hard.

[Anonymous]

I find it freeing when people reveal who they really are. No need to worry over this. Why not put time, energy, love and care into other relationships with real, two-way street people?

She's honestly not worth another thought.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes people are friends or in this case more of acquaintance for a season. Enjoy what it was. Not every relationship - romantic or platonic lasts. Friends will come and go, not because you or they are bad people but that is just the cycle of friendship.

I have had many people come and go from my life. I appreciate and enjoy what they brought to my life but I don't worry about it ending. I make friends easily. There is no way I could maintain every friendship I have ever had.

[Anonymous]

I’ve done the ghosting. If I explained why I no longer wanted to be friends, it would be worse than the ghosting. There just is no nice way to put it.

Like OP, our kids were in school together and we lived in the same neighborhood; but then we moved and I used the opportunity to end the relationship.

To me, the mom was just too much. Her daughters behavior was the result of a dx. Except every time she tried to get the dx confirmed, the drs said it wasn’t. So she found another reason for her DDs behavior and chased another dx. Name brands were very important to her. If I didn’t know the same of the fancy resort she was vacationing at, she was dismissive. She stormed into school one day during a class event and proceed to call the other parents bullys. Except the parents were trying to protect their children from her DD. She was late and didn’t see the event and immediately sided with her DD.

There is no nice way to tell someone that their behavior is just something you don’t want to associate with. So I ghosted her. It’s not nice but it’s nicer than the alternative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it freeing when people reveal who they really are. No need to worry over this. Why not put time, energy, love and care into other relationships with real, two-way street people?

She's honestly not worth another thought.

This, it sucks now but truly is a gift. You don’t need someone like this in your life OP.

[Anonymous]

Been there, OP. This was a "friend" who texted a zillion times a day, always wanted to grab coffee or meals, was close enough to just arrive at my house to hang out and then...totally ghosted me.

We had a standing dinner each week with our kids, because both of our spouses traveled nonstop. One week she just didn't show up after confirming that we were on for a particular time and place. Didn't respond to texts or calls. Just...nothing. I have no idea what happened.

I assume she found someone more useful to hang out with, since I know I didn't do anything to cause a rift. It was disappointing, but better to know that she didn't value my friendship.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, that's hurtful and embarrassing.

Two main reasons would be that she is unkind or you are too much. Either are good opportunities to take a step back and work toward building a new base.

Agree with others that it's likely fruitless to directly ask the person what went wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been in your shoes OP, except it was an 10 year friendship. I’ll give you the honest truth and hopefully save you some embarrassment - She’s either upset with you or doesn’t find your friendship useful anymore. Don’t bother asking what happened or if you can make apologize because either way you won’t get a straight/honest answer from her. The friendship was not important enough to her to give you both the chance to repair it. Move on, be polite/cordial but don’t make any additional effort with her.

NP also going through something similar - laughing and having fun together 1 day, then radio silence the next. The bolded is the part that really stings most. I thought we were really close but apparently it wasn’t worth letting me know that something was bothering her. I surely would have apologized if it was a single incident or made an effort to change if it was an ongoing issue. It’s sad (but somewhat reassuring) to see how common friend ghosting is. My expectations of lasting friendships is lower these days. Enjoy them for today because people are really fickle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve done the ghosting. If I explained why I no longer wanted to be friends, it would be worse than the ghosting. There just is no nice way to put it.

Like OP, our kids were in school together and we lived in the same neighborhood; but then we moved and I used the opportunity to end the relationship.

To me, the mom was just too much. Her daughters behavior was the result of a dx. Except every time she tried to get the dx confirmed, the drs said it wasn’t. So she found another reason for her DDs behavior and chased another dx. Name brands were very important to her. If I didn’t know the same of the fancy resort she was vacationing at, she was dismissive. She stormed into school one day during a class event and proceed to call the other parents bullys. Except the parents were trying to protect their children from her DD. She was late and didn’t see the event and immediately sided with her DD.

There is no nice way to tell someone that their behavior is just something you don’t want to associate with. So I ghosted her. It’s not nice but it’s nicer than the alternative.

If I were that other mom, I'd want to know though. She may not even realize what she's doing and it would be a kindness to tell her. That said, I would never offer that up if you weren't asked.

[Anonymous]

Generally when this happens, the person ghosting was hurt by something the other person did and is too nice, or too non-confrontational, to talk to the person they’re ghosting. Or they’ve become aware of something about the other person’s character that indicates that they are not really a true friend.