Been ghosted by a 'friend' and it kind of hurts

[Anonymous]

It is weirdly therapeutic seeing how common this is.

A mom friend literally houses away ghosted me. Kids were same age, we hung out often, texted frequently, and spent many weekends together. It is awkward and it hurts, but if she cannot communicate like an adult, I'm not sure what else I can do. It went from a slow fade to zero communication.

[Anonymous]

I think she's just moved on to the exact same kind of "friendship" she had with you, with the other moms who were in your shoes before -- the ones whose kids are in class with hers. That was your relationship -- your kids were in class together. It's like leaving a job and finding out your job friends were really just colleagues after all.

[Anonymous]

I've done the slow fade with one person who was a "work friend." It's beneficial to both of us to remain cordial due to business but we no longer have lunch, dinner or regular phone convos as we used to. She was/is toxic.

I did a total ghost to someone when I found out she was blabbing all of our conversations to anyone who would listen even though she would start every conversation with "For this conversation only . . ." This situation was also my fault. I kept giving her chances but as the saying goes "once someone shows you who they are, believe them." She will never change. I have blocked her from social media and blocked her number on my phone. Frankly, I am relieved to be rid of her.

On the flip side, I have been ghosted myself. I did not understand the silence and it finally clicked that I was being ignored. I left one final message telling the person I missed them and would like to know what I had done to cause the silence so I could apologize. Crickets. I am sure I did SOMETHING to cause this and I honestly would like to rectify whatever the issue. Oh well, onward!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Generally when this happens, the person ghosting was hurt by something the other person did and is too nice, or too non-confrontational, to talk to the person they’re ghosting. Or they’ve become aware of something about the other person’s character that indicates that they are not really a true friend.

Sometimes...Or the ghoster is just a user and has no use for the ghosted friend anymore. In those cases, good riddance.

That could e, too, but when I’ve seen this and know the people on both sides, it is usually that the person being ghosted has done something and the “ghoster” just doesn’t want to deal with the other person anymore. The person has shown who they are and the other person realizes that talking to the person won’t change anything, so they decide it’s better to avoid further hurt and they ghost the person.

This.
I ghosted a pretty close friend -- who I was there for over a number of years -- because she needed professional psychiatric help and was getting paranoid and aggressive. I begged her to see a doctor but she's one of those 'natural remedies' type of people who think all doctors are incompetent, at best, and evil money grabbers at worst. According to her, a 'true' friend would agree with everything she says/believes and would accompany her on her 'quest for the cure', for the disease that's considered purely psychosomatic by modern medicine.
I guess I'm not one of her 'true' friends. I couldn't take her crazy conspiracy theories rants anymore. I tried to slowly cut contact but stay in touch and check on her periodically, until she flipped on me, accused of being a heartless bitch who doesn't care about her failing health and wished all her 'symptoms' on me and my family.
Mkay, then.
OP, I believe that's not your case with your friend. Just my 2 cents.

[Anonymous]

I wrote up a whole thing and lost it.

The short story is

1) It might be her, in that she might be overwhelmed. Especially if she has a kid with a mental issue (depression, anorexia, etc), or sick mom for example.

2) It might be you if you take more than you give, on little things, because it adds up to someone feeling being used, or, if you have any competitive or passive-agressive behaviors

[Anonymous]

And this is why it is so damn hard to made friends as an adult.

[Anonymous]

I was ghosted by a friend of 10 years. I think she just gravitates towards those who are just like her. She has another group of friends whose kids are in the same classes. Mine aren’t. It was sad but I think she’s kind of a user.

[Anonymous]

OP-- She is not a nice person. She isn't worth your time. No doubt she has done this before to other people. It's her, not you.

[Anonymous]

I ghosted a neighbor once. I really like her and our friendship. But her young son started being really mean to mine. I didn’t know how to tell her. She also had a great woman has her nanny but then I found out she was here illegally and getting paid illegally. I worked for ICE. It was terribly awkward. Had I kept engaging I would have had to report her on my foreign contacts form.

So I disengaged. It wasn’t personal. I was sad to lose this friend.

[Anonymous]

I've ghosted people whose behavior turned me off and because we were not close friends, I didn't feel compelled to "work" on the relationship. I've cut people out of my life after a massive falling out, but there was no ghosting since we're both aware of exactly what went wrong.

I've never ghosted someone I considered a close friend. We've argued, maybe been a bit distant for a bit, but inevitably, someone has reached out and fences were mended.

The one time I suspected I was ghosted by an extremely close friend, I reached out a few times specifically mentioning that I wanted to reconnect because the relationship was important to me. If you really value this woman as a friend and not just a convenient acquaintance when your kids have activities in common, I think you should specifically mention that you want to [re]build your friendship. If that gets no response, let it go completely.

[Anonymous]

My close friend ghosted me after I had been there for her through her leaving her abusive BPD husband and various very ugly situations with him as their divorce case progressed. She lived across the street until she moved out, and our 4 kids were very close. We took the kids on trips and did stuff together as families all the time. I did notice an increasing pattern where she would glom onto other people and be all excited about her new friends, and then get disgusted with them over some small slight and move on. She also occasionally would make plans with me and my kids, then something better would come along and she would blow us off. I let it go because I knew things were hard for her. A couple of years after she left him, her child was really rude and obnoxious to us (both my DS and me) in response to a birthday party invitation, and when I politely said I didn't appreciate his attitude in response to a gesture of kindness, she ghosted me. It's become clear since then that she will not apologize for any wrongdoing and instead breaks from anyone who either is critical or is no longer useful, but it was still incredibly hurtful that she would throw away 10 years of friendship because I said her son was being rude, after all the unfailing support and love and logistical help I provided during a couple of very turbulent years. One of her kids (not the rude one) and one of mine are still close but now she talks to my husband all the time to arrange playdates and not me. She moved away from our SD but the crazy XH still lives across the street so she finds us useful as a potential refuge when the kids are with emotionally abusive dad.

[Anonymous]

Has anyone suggested asking her what’s wrong? If she doesn’t answer, you can be bummed out, but she may have other stuff going on or maybe OP did something. If she was a good friend, why not try? Seems silly to write her off right away and make up a story about why she sucks.

[Anonymous]

Wow this is shocking to me that this is so common. Maybe I am lucky, but I have never had this happen in my 40something years.

If I had a friend I could no longer be friends with I think I would have the decency to explain why, even in a general way. Sometimes friendships fade and that can be sad but it happens. But actually just disappearing one day with no explanation or acknowledgement seems like a coward's way out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone suggested asking her what’s wrong? If she doesn’t answer, you can be bummed out, but she may have other stuff going on or maybe OP did something. If she was a good friend, why not try? Seems silly to write her off right away and make up a story about why she sucks.

Seems like a good idea!

[Anonymous]

Was ghosted by a close friend after I was raped. The friend, as best as I can tell, felt awkward around me. Very sad and based on my support group, not uncommon for sexual assault victims. Shocking and sad, but true.