If you rarely argue with spouse

[Anonymous]

How do you achieve this? Do you and spouse naturally agree on everything? Do you disagree but rarely voice your disagreement leading to no arguments?

[Anonymous]

We are both pretty easy going people. There isn't a lot to argue about. Whoever cares more - we go with that perspective.

[Anonymous]

We got together when we were 18/19 and formed all of our major life values as a pair. So we usually don't have major unsolvable disagreements over deeply held beliefs. Our disagreements are from everyday things and we're good communicators in general, so we talk about it, get the other person's take, and move on. It comes from respecting that the other person has a valid reason for feeling the way they do.

[Anonymous]

It’s a bad sign if couple don’t argue much. They’ve probably given up and allowed resent to build.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are both pretty easy going people. There isn't a lot to argue about. Whoever cares more - we go with that perspective.

This is mostly true for us. We don’t ever speak to each other disrespectfully. Since were so easygoing we each kind of know that the other must have a point if we raise an issue so we shut down the behavior or compromise somehow. We aren’t nitpicky and realize that just cause something isn’t being accomplished the way I/he might choose, doesn’t mean the method is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a bad sign if couple don’t argue much. They’ve probably given up and allowed resent to build.

It’s amazing how wrong this actually is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a bad sign if couple don’t argue much. They’ve probably given up and allowed resent to build.

Disagree. Both spouse and I grew up in high conflict homes. Decided early on that’s not what we wanted. We talk. We don’t belittle or argue.

[Anonymous]

DH and I are easy going, but also hard working. We just rarely have any conflict. We do delegate a lot and don't question the other person's decisions. For instance we need a new water heater and DH is the one who gets to make the decision and choose the company. He's going with tankless. I'm planning our vacation. He knows the hotels and activities I choose will be the best for us and usually the same he would have picked. We have a baby and a toddler so there's plenty of things to argue about but we just don't.

There's no built up resentment... We both grew up in non arguing families too. I can't remember my parents ever arguing. I had a few boyfriends who wanted to argue and I knew that wasn't how I wanted to live the rest of my life so I broke up with them.

[Anonymous]

We don't argue much because there is nothing to argue about. Things I would consider worth fighting about include: infidelity, spending large amounts of family money of stupid things, being generally unreliable re: kids. My spouse is a responsible and empathetic human being so these don't really happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s a bad sign if couple don’t argue much. They’ve probably given up and allowed resent to build.

It’s amazing how wrong this actually is.

This is true if there are disagreements that you don’t voice. But if neither of you have disagreements, then fighting just to fight has no purpose.

OP- DH and I rarely get into “fights”. We get snappy and cranky, and usually apologize soon after or the next day. We have disagreements that we discuss, sometimes heated, but it rarely rises to the level of fighting. According to Gottam’s 5 types of couples, we are Validating.

One interesting thing about the types of couples, there is one kind that argue a lot, Volatile, but they make up for that negativity with lots of positive interactions.

https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-5-couple-types/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are both pretty easy going people. There isn't a lot to argue about. Whoever cares more - we go with that perspective.

This is pretty much us too. Dh and I don't always agree on things, but we've never been disrespectful. I think we've actually argued once in the past decade.

So when we have different view points, we discuss it. No voices are raised. But I think a lot of it is that dh and I are just laid back people. Not a lot of things really bother us, so if one of us brings up something, the other person knows it's important and acts on it.

[Anonymous]

Another easy going couple here. Other things that help:

- We accept each other as we are, and we aren't trying to change anything.
- We support the other person if they want to change something (lose weight, be more active, try a new hobby).
- We are on the same page financially, and neither of us are addicts.
- Our sex drives are matched pretty well, and we both care about the other's sexual needs.
- We do not build resentment, and work through things with a calm conversation.

The only minor issue is our 17 year old son. He and my husband are SO MUCH alike and they are argue about everything. I try to not get involved, but it causes me anxiety. Once he's off to college next fall, things will be so much calmer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We got together when we were 18/19 and formed all of our major life values as a pair. So we usually don't have major unsolvable disagreements over deeply held beliefs. Our disagreements are from everyday things and we're good communicators in general, so we talk about it, get the other person's take, and move on. It comes from respecting that the other person has a valid reason for feeling the way they do.

Same here, plus we both grew up in volatile homes and want a peaceful, loving home for our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a bad sign if couple don’t argue much. They’ve probably given up and allowed resent to build.

Not necessarily. A disagreement can be had without arguing (aka yelling). Respect is a big factor in a good marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't argue much because there is nothing to argue about. Things I would consider worth fighting about include: infidelity, spending large amounts of family money of stupid things, being generally unreliable re: kids. My spouse is a responsible and empathetic human being so these don't really happen.

I don’t have a responsible spouse. Partly due to his ADHD and just poor judgment, then lies and arguing when something does go wrong.

Over time it was clear: divorce him and hope for the best when he had to care for the kids, or just leave him alone to only work, because he was truly incapable of doing anything else. Thankfully he has not been fired or needed to seek another job for awhile.

So we used to argue- about messes, about forgetting things or discussions, about bad/no planning - but now I do everything and pay through the nose for a monthly handyman visit, landscaping, house cleaning, drivers for the kids, meal planning kits, etc. And less arguing. General resentment is less, but I know that he is unreliable so if something bad happens on his watch- to me, the house, the kids, on vacation- it will be a chaotic mess. And I’m not exaggerating. If I gave examples you’d wonder wth I’m still in it.