If you rarely argue with spouse
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Anonymous
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New poster here. We don't argue often. It is a combination of things.
1) Most things aren't worth fighting over. 2) We are both easy going, so if there is somebody who cares more, we go with that. 3) I'm conflict avoidant, although working on it, so yes, there is some of that going on, too. I am now bringing up issues that deserve attention, such as when he cuts me off when I'm talking. This can lead to a fight because my husband isn't used to me pushing back and then pushing back some more. I'm not used to it either. It is uncomfortable. 4) Both of us are conscientious and responsible and doing our share. So, that helps, because there isn't much to fight about. |
Anonymous
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For us, we have differences of opinion, we are just able to work through them without arguing. I agree if you never have to have discussions over differences of opinion, you're probably leaving stuff simmering, and you are likely to eventually get resentful - no one is that perfectly matched. But it's really manageable to have a discussion and come to a conclusion without arguing if you face things respectfully but head on.
For example, vacations/travel. We sit down in Nov/Dec/Jan and plan out our travel for the year. We're generally coming at it with different priorities and desires. But we lay them out, list options, discuss pros and cons, find some balance, and an hour or two later, have a rough outline of what trips we're taking to where in what months (or at least seasons) and roughly how much we want to spend on each (both in $$ and in vacation days). And then there's no arguing, and we're set for the year. I think the ability to have those kinds of conversations and make those kinds of decisions as a team, without arguing, is the foundation of a good marriage. |
Anonymous
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I can count on one hand the number of times both of us have been angry at the same time (10 yrs married, 12 together).
We are not volatile people. We both highly value calm, respectful communication (in large part because our families were not calm and respectful) so we work hard at listening to each other and valuing each other's opinions and feelings - even if we disagree. Sometimes I actually wish we would just blow up and yell a bit - I think it could clear the air faster and more cathartically than long conversations, but on the whole I'd choose our approach in the long run. |
Anonymous
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We have our jobs and we stay out of each other‘s zones of expertise whether it be disciplining a child or shopping for dinner – I know my role she knows hers, where we do tend to argue is about trips and really inconsequential things; I don’t really want to go to Italy but she really does, I’d rather sit on a beach somewhere.
The last knockdown drag out fight was probably sometime in our early 30s- I couldn’t tell you what it was about but I can feel my heart race thinking about it. We also got together very early, we’ve been together since were 22 and are both 47 now so we’ve been through a lot of the really big stuff so now we’re just left with the stupid little bickers about banal things. |
Anonymous
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We really don't have anything to argue about. In the off chance that there is, we talk about. We don't let it fester.
The most common arguments between couples involve money, household chores and sex. If you can conquer those three things, everything else seems like a walk in the park. |
Anonymous
I think you are confusing "not arguing" with not resolving conflicts or differences of opinion. Sure if you ignored everything that bothered you and let it build up, that could lead to resentment. But arguing also leads to resentment, and much more quickly. If you have healthy and adult ways of discussing differences and resolving conflict, you don't need to argue and resentment does not build up. |
Anonymous
Completely disagree. Dh and I can talk things over without arguing. I can count on one hand how many times we've argued in the last 15 years and 3 of those times were during the sleepless new baby stage. We just aren't the arguing type. We grew up with parents who argued and yelled and neither of us wanted to be like that. We've also both been to counseling (thanks to growing up with parents who yell) to learn how to communicate without yelling. Prior to therapy, I was in more hostile type relationships and DH was in more passive ones. We both got therapy before we met each other and I think that's made a big difference. |
Anonymous
| We see eye-to-eye on most things. Of what remains, very little is worth an actual argument. |
Anonymous
This is us, too. We both have our roles and generally trust each other to handle things within our zones- division of labor. Works really well for us. |
Anonymous
+1. So completely wrong. |
Anonymous
| For us, nothing is "worth" arguing about. Life's been good last 30+ years together. |
Anonymous
Same with us. We started with similar educations and early careers and we waited to have children until we had been married almost five years and that really helped us get comfortable as a couple. I’m detail oriented and my husband is very big picture and we both have great respect for each other’s skill set. We were always on the same wave length when it came to child rearing and if there was a disagreement he would mostly defer to me. On financial issues I defer to him. We don’t sweat the little things and the stupid little habits we each have we just live with. It helps that we both have great respect for each other’s intelligence and accomplishments. |
Anonymous
+2 |
Anonymous
Yup. This is the type of thing my mom would say. And she's borderline abusive with how she yells and handles arguments. |
Anonymous
| There are only a few things really worth arguing over - cheating, busting our savings and the absence of a sex life. So far after 32 years we’ve not had anything to argue over. |