How many hours are you responsible for?

[Anonymous]

I am increasingly resentful of how much I'm responsible for in my marriage. We have a one-year old.
My husband is currently unemployed, and has been for over a year.

I added everything up-- commuting, working, caring for my child at specific times so my husband can have time to job search, grocery shopping, cooking, paying all the bills, cleaning, laundry. It came out to 70 hours a week. With getting 40 hours of sleep in M-F (ha!), that leaves only 10 hours for everything else- getting showered and dressed, eating meals, etc.


What does the division of labor look like in your house? How many hours are "spoken for" during Monday-Friday? Is this what everyone does?

I'm not exercising or taking care of myself in any meaningful way. I am so, so angry all the time.

Weekends aren't restful. They're just for catching up on everything.

[Anonymous]

Please make time for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Is your child in daycare?

[Anonymous]

Um we're pretty equal. He does most of the cooking and I do most of the laundry.

But when DH was out of work, he did everything for the house/kids.

What on earth is your husband doing all day?

[Anonymous]

What kind of job is he supposed to be looking for?

[Anonymous]

- commuting, working, caring for my child at specific times so my husband can have time to job search, grocery shopping, cooking, paying all the bills, cleaning, laundry.

Is your husband home with the 1 year old? If so, that doesn't leave a lot of time to job search and do the rest.

If not, then there's no reason for him not to be grocery shopping, cooking and doing laundry. Job hunting is not 8 hours a day, non stop.

communicate, delegate if you can't, but definitely do not procreate (again).

[Anonymous]

Reality check. I am divorced. I am either working or taking care of my DCs or home 100% of the time. I do shower. The grass is definitely not greener. Take advantage of the times you do have and speak up if you need some time for yourself. For example, I listen to pod casts or books on tape on my commute. Also, if DH is staying home with the 1 year old, it’s not easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reality check. I am divorced. I am either working or taking care of my DCs or home 100% of the time. I do shower. The grass is definitely not greener. Take advantage of the times you do have and speak up if you need some time for yourself. For example, I listen to pod casts or books on tape on my commute. Also, if DH is staying home with the 1 year old, it’s not easy.

He’s probably going nuts and sticking her in a contraption all day, except for naps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um we're pretty equal. He does most of the cooking and I do most of the laundry.

But when DH was out of work, he did everything for the house/kids.

What on earth is your husband doing all day?

He takes care of our toddler. We got into huge fights over the summer because I wasn't giving him any time away from the baby. So now we have 2 hours scheduled each day where I take care of the kid while he... does what he needs to do. Like yesterday he got a hair cut. And he's working on finding a job. But he hasn't had any interviews in months.

I'm so pissed because our lawn desperately needs to be mowed, edged, and weeded. Our dry cleaning sat in his car for weeks before I finally got fed up and dropped it off myself. When I did so I noticed the low air pressure alert was still on in his car. The car that he uses to drive our kid around. So I took it in, sat for an hour or so in the waiting room of a tire place while they patched it.

Weeks ago he said he would sell his XBox. It's still sitting on our dining table. "I'll be in charge of the trash and recycling" he said. It only gets taken out if it's overflowing and I ask him to do it. Our sink has damage and needs to be replaced. I was the one to call a plumber.
Today we got a notice from the county that our dog registration/ rabies certification had expired and we were looking at a $500 fine if we didn't renew right away. Guess who had to take care of it tonight when I got home around 10pm?


I would like to delegate, but this stuff HAS to get done, and I just can't trust that it will get done if I ask him to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um we're pretty equal. He does most of the cooking and I do most of the laundry.

But when DH was out of work, he did everything for the house/kids.

What on earth is your husband doing all day?

He takes care of our toddler. We got into huge fights over the summer because I wasn't giving him any time away from the baby. So now we have 2 hours scheduled each day where I take care of the kid while he... does what he needs to do. Like yesterday he got a hair cut. And he's working on finding a job. But he hasn't had any interviews in months.

I'm so pissed because our lawn desperately needs to be mowed, edged, and weeded. Our dry cleaning sat in his car for weeks before I finally got fed up and dropped it off myself. When I did so I noticed the low air pressure alert was still on in his car. The car that he uses to drive our kid around. So I took it in, sat for an hour or so in the waiting room of a tire place while they patched it.

Weeks ago he said he would sell his XBox. It's still sitting on our dining table. "I'll be in charge of the trash and recycling" he said. It only gets taken out if it's overflowing and I ask him to do it. Our sink has damage and needs to be replaced. I was the one to call a plumber.
Today we got a notice from the county that our dog registration/ rabies certification had expired and we were looking at a $500 fine if we didn't renew right away. Guess who had to take care of it tonight when I got home around 10pm?


I would like to delegate, but this stuff HAS to get done, and I just can't trust that it will get done if I ask him to do it.

It sounds overwhelming, but for God’s sake, why do you have a dog on top of everything else? That seems like lunacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um we're pretty equal. He does most of the cooking and I do most of the laundry.

But when DH was out of work, he did everything for the house/kids.

What on earth is your husband doing all day?

He takes care of our toddler. We got into huge fights over the summer because I wasn't giving him any time away from the baby. So now we have 2 hours scheduled each day where I take care of the kid while he... does what he needs to do. Like yesterday he got a hair cut. And he's working on finding a job. But he hasn't had any interviews in months.

I'm so pissed because our lawn desperately needs to be mowed, edged, and weeded. Our dry cleaning sat in his car for weeks before I finally got fed up and dropped it off myself. When I did so I noticed the low air pressure alert was still on in his car. The car that he uses to drive our kid around. So I took it in, sat for an hour or so in the waiting room of a tire place while they patched it.

Weeks ago he said he would sell his XBox. It's still sitting on our dining table. "I'll be in charge of the trash and recycling" he said. It only gets taken out if it's overflowing and I ask him to do it. Our sink has damage and needs to be replaced. I was the one to call a plumber.
Today we got a notice from the county that our dog registration/ rabies certification had expired and we were looking at a $500 fine if we didn't renew right away. Guess who had to take care of it tonight when I got home around 10pm?


I would like to delegate, but this stuff HAS to get done, and I just can't trust that it will get done if I ask him to do it.

It sounds overwhelming, but for God’s sake, why do you have a dog on top of everything else? That seems like lunacy.

We had a dog for years before having a baby. We’re not getting rid of our dog!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um we're pretty equal. He does most of the cooking and I do most of the laundry.

But when DH was out of work, he did everything for the house/kids.

What on earth is your husband doing all day?

He takes care of our toddler. We got into huge fights over the summer because I wasn't giving him any time away from the baby. So now we have 2 hours scheduled each day where I take care of the kid while he... does what he needs to do. Like yesterday he got a hair cut. And he's working on finding a job. But he hasn't had any interviews in months.

I'm so pissed because our lawn desperately needs to be mowed, edged, and weeded. Our dry cleaning sat in his car for weeks before I finally got fed up and dropped it off myself. When I did so I noticed the low air pressure alert was still on in his car. The car that he uses to drive our kid around. So I took it in, sat for an hour or so in the waiting room of a tire place while they patched it.

Weeks ago he said he would sell his XBox. It's still sitting on our dining table. "I'll be in charge of the trash and recycling" he said. It only gets taken out if it's overflowing and I ask him to do it. Our sink has damage and needs to be replaced. I was the one to call a plumber.
Today we got a notice from the county that our dog registration/ rabies certification had expired and we were looking at a $500 fine if we didn't renew right away. Guess who had to take care of it tonight when I got home around 10pm?


I would like to delegate, but this stuff HAS to get done, and I just can't trust that it will get done if I ask him to do it.

It sounds overwhelming, but for God’s sake, why do you have a dog on top of everything else? That seems like lunacy.

We had a dog for years before having a baby. We’re not getting rid of our dog!

Ok. Make yourself crazy. Perhaps you really want it all.

[Anonymous]

Don’t expect anyone (including DH) to get anything done while watching a toddler. He is also likely depressed or at a minimum facing a severely bruised ego because he isn’t getting interviews. Let things like the x-box go. What is going to happen if the lawn waits for another day? You have a 1 year old...this is survival time. Not everything has to get done now. For those that do, make a list, discuss it with DH rather than being a martyr and just doing it with a huge chip on your shoulder. You sound very controlling and judgmental. Flip it around, you get to sit at your desk, talk to coworkers, likely search the internet while DH is dealing with a 1 year old. Trust me, work is easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t expect anyone (including DH) to get anything done while watching a toddler. He is also likely depressed or at a minimum facing a severely bruised ego because he isn’t getting interviews. Let things like the x-box go. What is going to happen if the lawn waits for another day? You have a 1 year old...this is survival time. Not everything has to get done now. For those that do, make a list, discuss it with DH rather than being a martyr and just doing it with a huge chip on your shoulder. You sound very controlling and judgmental. Flip it around, you get to sit at your desk, talk to coworkers, likely search the internet while DH is dealing with a 1 year old. Trust me, work is easier.

I don’t have a desk job. I would much rather be at home taking care of our 1 year old.
I’ve been unemployed before- I know it’s hard. But I did what needed to be done. I don’t even know if he’s really applying to anything.

[Anonymous]

I am pretty sure if we referred to a SAHM as unemployed all h*ll would break lose here.

Your husband is a full time parent.

70 hours a week of commuting, work, parenting and household tasks isn't much. That is 10 hours a day.

Your husband sounds depressed and you don't appreciate what he does or brings to the home. You sound so resentful that he wants a break after you get home. Again if genders were reversed and a man was complaining that not only did his wife expect a break but he also was still having to cut the lawn and take out the garbage because his SAHM wife wasn't getting it done..

Sounds like you are living a pretty typical life ina home where one parent is the breadwinner and te other is a sahp. Millions of men could write your post!