How many hours are you responsible for?

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, that sounds rough. It sounds as though because your DH isn’t intent on being the SAHP he isn’t engaged and pulling his weight. I’m at SAHM and yeah, I still got plenty of stuff done around the house with a one year old. I love to add value and efficiency by taking care of tasks during the weekdays and clearing up weekends for relaxing family time. Your DH might be depressed. Probably finding a job would help him, but I’m not sure how else you can motivate him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am pretty sure if we referred to a SAHM as unemployed all h*ll would break lose here.

Your husband is a full time parent.

70 hours a week of commuting, work, parenting and household tasks isn't much. That is 10 hours a day.

Your husband sounds depressed and you don't appreciate what he does or brings to the home. You sound so resentful that he wants a break after you get home. Again if genders were reversed and a man was complaining that not only did his wife expect a break but he also was still having to cut the lawn and take out the garbage because his SAHM wife wasn't getting it done..

Sounds like you are living a pretty typical life ina home where one parent is the breadwinner and te other is a sahp. Millions of men could write your post!

That’s 70 hours Monday-Friday. I do way more childcare over the weekend. And household chores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am pretty sure if we referred to a SAHM as unemployed all h*ll would break lose here.

Your husband is a full time parent.

70 hours a week of commuting, work, parenting and household tasks isn't much. That is 10 hours a day.

Your husband sounds depressed and you don't appreciate what he does or brings to the home. You sound so resentful that he wants a break after you get home. Again if genders were reversed and a man was complaining that not only did his wife expect a break but he also was still having to cut the lawn and take out the garbage because his SAHM wife wasn't getting it done..

Sounds like you are living a pretty typical life ina home where one parent is the breadwinner and te other is a sahp. Millions of men could write your post!

I really, really did not sign up to be the spouse of a stay at home parent. If that’s what other people agree to in their relationships, that’s fine- but that is not what is happening here.

[Anonymous]

I get it. My spouse was unemployed when our child was born and it was frustrating. The minute I got home I was on baby duty until the next morning plus all weekend.

Could you put the baby in daycare? That would give you more leverage to demand he look seriously for a job. (I know how hard it would be to pay for childcare on one salary though.)

[Anonymous]

It’s time to stop wallowing in self pity because you want to not work, you didn’t sign up to be the breadwinner, you want to be a SAHP, and you didn’t sign up for this. Life isn’t just about you. You do what is best for your DC and your family. It means you grow up and start looking at the glass half full (E.g. your DC is happy and healthy and gets to spend days with a loving parent) and being thankful for everything you have. You make the best of the life you do have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get it. My spouse was unemployed when our child was born and it was frustrating. The minute I got home I was on baby duty until the next morning plus all weekend.

Could you put the baby in daycare? That would give you more leverage to demand he look seriously for a job. (I know how hard it would be to pay for childcare on one salary though.)

There is no extra money for childcare. We have no family help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s time to stop wallowing in self pity because you want to not work, you didn’t sign up to be the breadwinner, you want to be a SAHP, and you didn’t sign up for this. Life isn’t just about you. You do what is best for your DC and your family. It means you grow up and start looking at the glass half full (E.g. your DC is happy and healthy and gets to spend days with a loving parent) and being thankful for everything you have. You make the best of the life you do have.

WTF? I never said I didn’t want to work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s time to stop wallowing in self pity because you want to not work, you didn’t sign up to be the breadwinner, you want to be a SAHP, and you didn’t sign up for this. Life isn’t just about you. You do what is best for your DC and your family. It means you grow up and start looking at the glass half full (E.g. your DC is happy and healthy and gets to spend days with a loving parent) and being thankful for everything you have. You make the best of the life you do have.

WTF? I never said I didn’t want to work.

Way to miss the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um we're pretty equal. He does most of the cooking and I do most of the laundry.

But when DH was out of work, he did everything for the house/kids.

What on earth is your husband doing all day?

He takes care of our toddler. We got into huge fights over the summer because I wasn't giving him any time away from the baby. So now we have 2 hours scheduled each day where I take care of the kid while he... does what he needs to do. Like yesterday he got a hair cut. And he's working on finding a job. But he hasn't had any interviews in months.

I'm so pissed because our lawn desperately needs to be mowed, edged, and weeded. Our dry cleaning sat in his car for weeks before I finally got fed up and dropped it off myself. When I did so I noticed the low air pressure alert was still on in his car. The car that he uses to drive our kid around. So I took it in, sat for an hour or so in the waiting room of a tire place while they patched it.

Weeks ago he said he would sell his XBox. It's still sitting on our dining table. "I'll be in charge of the trash and recycling" he said. It only gets taken out if it's overflowing and I ask him to do it. Our sink has damage and needs to be replaced. I was the one to call a plumber.
Today we got a notice from the county that our dog registration/ rabies certification had expired and we were looking at a $500 fine if we didn't renew right away. Guess who had to take care of it tonight when I got home around 10pm?


I would like to delegate, but this stuff HAS to get done, and I just can't trust that it will get done if I ask him to do it.

It sounds overwhelming, but for God’s sake, why do you have a dog on top of everything else? That seems like lunacy.

We had a dog for years before having a baby. We’re not getting rid of our dog!

Ok. Make yourself crazy. Perhaps you really want it all.

Oh, shut up. NP. If anything they shouldn’t have had another kid. But I don’t fault them at all for loving their family dog. Of all the things to say, that was your response?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s time to stop wallowing in self pity because you want to not work, you didn’t sign up to be the breadwinner, you want to be a SAHP, and you didn’t sign up for this. Life isn’t just about you. You do what is best for your DC and your family. It means you grow up and start looking at the glass half full (E.g. your DC is happy and healthy and gets to spend days with a loving parent) and being thankful for everything you have. You make the best of the life you do have.

WTF? I never said I didn’t want to work.

Way to miss the point.

So nobody gets to complain about anything ever...

I am f-ing thankful. We are lucky to still have a roof over our heads. We are lucky that I make just enough to pay for our mortgage and health insurance. I am also f-ing exhausted. I am beginning to wonder if life would be easier if I just left, found a small cheap apartment, and paid for childcare myself instead of dealing with this man-child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am increasingly resentful of how much I'm responsible for in my marriage. We have a one-year old.
My husband is currently unemployed, and has been for over a year.

I added everything up-- commuting, working, caring for my child at specific times so my husband can have time to job search, grocery shopping, cooking, paying all the bills, cleaning, laundry. It came out to 70 hours a week. With getting 40 hours of sleep in M-F (ha!), that leaves only 10 hours for everything else- getting showered and dressed, eating meals, etc.


What does the division of labor look like in your house? How many hours are "spoken for" during Monday-Friday? Is this what everyone does?

I'm not exercising or taking care of myself in any meaningful way. I am so, so angry all the time.

Weekends aren't restful. They're just for catching up on everything.

Keeping score like this is a relationship killer. You have been warned.

[Anonymous]

Ha! Single mom. 100%! Toughen up, sweet cakes.

[Anonymous]

Time to start withholding sex.

[Anonymous]

A one year old naps everyday for what, 3 hours? Does he grocery shop, cook dinner and laundry? One year olds need a lot of supervision. Can you give him a realistic list for his weekday tasks?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s time to stop wallowing in self pity because you want to not work, you didn’t sign up to be the breadwinner, you want to be a SAHP, and you didn’t sign up for this. Life isn’t just about you. You do what is best for your DC and your family. It means you grow up and start looking at the glass half full (E.g. your DC is happy and healthy and gets to spend days with a loving parent) and being thankful for everything you have. You make the best of the life you do have.

WTF? I never said I didn’t want to work.

Way to miss the point.

So nobody gets to complain about anything ever...

I am f-ing thankful. We are lucky to still have a roof over our heads. We are lucky that I make just enough to pay for our mortgage and health insurance. I am also f-ing exhausted. I am beginning to wonder if life would be easier if I just left, found a small cheap apartment, and paid for childcare myself instead of dealing with this man-child.

If you can’t afford childcare now, how will you afford it when you’re paying child support?