It really isn't about looks, trust me.

[Anonymous]

I'm 32 and unmarried. I haven't even been in a long term relationship. I've always had trouble getting beyond a month of dating, and that generous, I usually don't get more ham two dates.

When you think of a 32 year old involuntary celibate (almost. I tend to not want to sleep with someone right away on the first date, but men don't usually stick around long enough for me to consider sex), you might think of some frumpy cat lady, maybe overweight.
I'm a former model. I'm thin and with a nice face. People notice me, but they don't like me, at least not enough.

My friends, many of whom are overweight or average, less glamorous, don't wear heels, don't wear makeup...they are all married or living with partners.

I don't think I'm an unbearable person either. I try to be polite, do nice things for people, take interest in what they are saying. I'm not a complainer about random things and I always offer to pay my share, tip the bartender, etc. But I'm eccentric. I have a lot of weird interests and quirks. I'm into some niche things that aren't everyone's cup of tea and find it hard to shut up about them. I also, admittedly,when I feel like I've fallen in love with someone, get kind of head over heels and obsessive. I may have aspergers or some high functioning autism. I'm not sure, but I've been spending a lot of money on therapy and trying to make myself a better person.

But my point really isn't about possibly being on the spectrum, it's more in response to all these threads about how men go for looks and body type. That's about first dates, and that's pretty much it. I know I'll get accused of bragging about being attractive, but DCUM seems to have a very limited acceptable range of being happy with your appearance vs being overly self deprecating. (You're either fat shamed, or complaining about needing to lose weight even if you don't)

It really DOESN'T come down to looks and weight. I'm 115 lbs and my more average or overweight friends are MUCH happier and more successful with men. Being thin does NOT mean a woman has it all together! I would put exercise and diet above all else and lose friends and potential dates over it. It's not worth it! Men like women who let themselves live a little and have more warm, approachable, and normal personalities.

[Anonymous]

You are very judgmental.

[Anonymous]

Okay....??? We all have quirks.

Are you too needy?
When you connect with someone, are you blowing up their phone?
What do you like to do?
Do you drink alcohol to excess?

[Anonymous]

What kind of weird interests, quirks, and niche things are you into?

[Anonymous]

You're missing the point. Looks are necessary but may not be sufficient.

Thin and nice face, but weird = men will approach, may or may not choose to put up with weirdness

Fat and/or ugly face = men are not going to care about her "warm and approachable personality"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're missing the point. Looks are necessary but may not be sufficient.

Thin and nice face, but weird = men will approach, may or may not choose to put up with weirdness

Fat and/or ugly face = men are not going to care about her "warm and approachable personality"

Agree

[Anonymous]

why two threads at the same time OP? all the best.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/827297.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're missing the point. Looks are necessary but may not be sufficient.

Thin and nice face, but weird = men will approach, may or may not choose to put up with weirdness

Fat and/or ugly face = men are not going to care about her "warm and approachable personality"

Agree

Men won't approach an obese, unkempt woman with cat hair all over her sweatpants, no.

But they will pick the more plain and simple girl next door who is warm and approachable over a self absorbed model, yes.

[Anonymous]

You sound exhausting. That's why men aren't into you.

[Anonymous]

You write well and I'll trust that your description of your attractiveness is accurate. So I can't tell from this thread why you have a problem with men. That said, I'll bet I could figure it out in less than ten minutes if I met you in person.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm similar: thin, told I'm pretty/cute, have interests that are somewhat niche (but not strange or creepy). I've been on Match for almost five years now and no luck whatsoever. The ones I like don't respond, the ones that reach out are ick. At this point I'm pretty much done, just gonna do my own thing and forget about finding a man.

[Anonymous]

Eh. I’m like you- attractive (although I was never a model) but weird, with weird interests. I spent a long time restraining my personality and becoming a very bland person that men would like. It worked, but it’s totally not worth it. Eventually you get serious and the real you starts coming out, then all hell breaks loose.

Now I let my freak flag fly and I don’t worry if men don’t like it. There’s a lot more to life than landing a man. Eventually the right one comes along and likes you for who you are.

[Anonymous]

Can someone give examples of these weird interests?

I’m curious.

[Anonymous]

You get obsessive? That’s the problem. Take it slow.

[Anonymous]

There is a lid for every (and I mean every) pot. Be patient and go about doing what you enjoy and you will find someone that enjoys the same eventually.