MIL response to DH cheating

[Anonymous]

A year ago, I discovered my DH had been cheating on me since practically the moment we met in 2012. He did not have emotional affairs or have sex, but rather recieved oral sex from several people, from what I discovered and what he confessed over time. Some of the people were men. When I found out I told my MIL. I was pregnant with our second child. I did not discuss details, just told her he had cheated with both men and women on me. I was considering leaving him and was back and forth from my dad's house for a few days. I told my family and a few friends. DH doesnt know anyone knows. I did take him back, as I am only 26 and probably just stupid. Anyway, I wanted MIL to know why I was being such a bitch which is why I told her. I was pregnant and emotional. DH also has a bad drinking habit and has been abusive. When I told MIL all this, she was all about "you need to keep it together for the kids, stop acting like teenagers." Since then, shes been so cold to me. I hate going over to her house. She used to help watch the kids but hardly wants to see them now.

[Anonymous]

Also, she has told me not to tell her anything else, as it causes too much stress. I should mention she just turned 50. She said I am giving her health problems? I hardly ever spoke about it.

[Anonymous]

She’s his mother. Your mistake was expecting her to take your side. You told her of the cheating, expecting her support, and then took him back. Honestly, that’s on you.

She’s probably horrified by the whole thing and wants nothing to do with either of you.

[Anonymous]

You completely rocked her perception of her son. And you apparently weren't being nice to her. I don't blame her for losing the closeness with you.

Plus there is always the chance her husband was a drinker and abusive or she was.

[Anonymous]

It's easier for her to blame you than her own son, as ridiculous as that may sound. That's her problem. I don't necessarily think you did anything wrong by telling her, but I do think it's naive to expect her to take your side. She doesn't want to hear anything more about it so don't talk to her any further about it and just steer clear.

Honestly, I'm not sure why you'd want to stay with your DH. It doesn't sound like he or his family are worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You completely rocked her perception of her son. And you apparently weren't being nice to her. I don't blame her for losing the closeness with you.

Plus there is always the chance her husband was a drinker and abusive or she was.

OP here, by being a bitch, I meant to my DH. I am nothing but sweet with her. My alternative would be to not tell her, and she just thinks all these issues are from me. Instead of the man who risked losing our whole family. They should be thanking me for staying with his lying cheating abusive ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's easier for her to blame you than her own son, as ridiculous as that may sound. That's her problem. I don't necessarily think you did anything wrong by telling her, but I do think it's naive to expect her to take your side. She doesn't want to hear anything more about it so don't talk to her any further about it and just steer clear.

Honestly, I'm not sure why you'd want to stay with your DH. It doesn't sound like he or his family are worth it.

I'm not sure if I'm going to stay. I am almost done with my degree and I have an infant and toddler. Once I am on my feet alone I will probably leave if it doesnt get better. So far it's still awful.

[Anonymous]

Your husband got multiple blowjobs from other people, including men, and is abusive and you are still there? That’s insane if true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s his mother. Your mistake was expecting her to take your side. You told her of the cheating, expecting her support, and then took him back. Honestly, that’s on you.

She’s probably horrified by the whole thing and wants nothing to do with either of you.

This. She isn't ever going to take your side, she's his mother. I'm sure she's very disappointed in him but she doesn't want to get involved in your relationship (which is how it should be).

[Anonymous]

I don’t think telling her (especially specifics like men) was necessary. Could’ve said you and dh were having problems and left it at that.

[Anonymous]

If he is abusive, leave. Full stop.

[Anonymous]

You lost me after "I did take him back."

It's not like he had a slip-up and cheated on a business trip. People make mistakes in the heat of a moment. But what you describe is a deeply conflicted individual who needs to be alone to work out who he is. There is no way I would stay married to him.

[Anonymous]

She's his mother. End. Of. Story. She probably also figures if he's that bad, you would have left him. And yes, stop telling her and other people things until you actually are going to leave him. People tend to pull away when they hear all about how he's a cheating, abusive , alcoholic but you're going to stay with him. People don't know what to say to you because they think you're an idiot and potentially putting your kids at risk. So they naturally pull away.

Come back in a few years. I'm sure you'll still be with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think telling her (especially specifics like men) was necessary. Could’ve said you and dh were having problems and left it at that.

Yup. You did it because you were pissed and wanting to be vengeful. But then you took him back after you told people about all he's done.

[Anonymous]

How did you figure this out?