If you’re a stay at home mom do you get any breaks?
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Anonymous
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I am a stay at home parent with a spouse that does a significant amount of work travel. We have a 2 and 3 year old. I am really struggling with not losing my patience by the end of the day, especially on weeks of heavy travel. If you’re in this situation can you share any tips on days that you’ve hit your limit or just what is realistic in terms of being with children all the time. I think maybe it may be personal to me. I don’t see other stay at home moms as stressed from being with the kids. Going back to work would be nearly impossible with my husbands insane travel schedule.
My kids are in school. The 3 year old goes 25 hours a week and the 2 year old goes 10. 3 year old us very high energy and the 2 year old has some special needs so we go to a lot of appointments. |
Anonymous
| And for what it is worth I have a ton of mom friends so it isn’t lack of adult conversation. I just get incredibly stressed with the kids all day. |
Anonymous
| Single mom here. I was a nanny and took my daughter to work with me. There was no time I was ever without her. My friend was a live-in nanny who got very little privacy at her house. She would come over on Saturday nights and babysit my daughter after I put her to bed so I could go out and run errands or see a movie or whatever. I couldn’t afford a sitter. Can you hire a sitter? Babysitting coop? |
Anonymous
| Get a sitter. |
Anonymous
| I hired a mother's helper in the evenings. She also helped clean up (toys, kitchen, folded laundry). Money well spent. |
Anonymous
| The reason your SAHM friends don't seem as stressed is because they are likely seeing their husbands each evening and getting that help and companionship. |
Anonymous
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No advice, just commiseration. I SAH and my husband works a ton as well.
I guess my only tip is early bedtimes. I love my quiet alone-time after they go to bed. It’s worth the early mornings. We don’t allow tons of screen time, but I will allow it in my bed in the AM, so I can snooze a little longer while they watch a show. It works 50% of the time. |
Anonymous
| Not really and I also have a kid with SN with a busy after school therapy schedule. I’d throw money at the problem if you can. Mom’s helper or additional organized activities. |
Anonymous
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After bedtime I get a real break.Thats pretty much it.
That said, I’m not really stressed out with the kids. We have a solid routine and they know what to expect. We always leave the house around 9:45am to meet with friends, playground or something active. We come home around 12:30 for lunch. The 2 year old naps from 2 pm - 3pm. I let my 4 year old watch a tv show and I make dinner (or prep everything.) At 3pm (or whenever the 2 year old wakes up) the kids get some fruit as a snack and continue with quiet activities - playfoh, paint, legos - or the backyard if they want to kick a ball around. We sometimes go on an errand or to a friends house, but not always. Then it’s dinner from 5:30-6:30, Then bath and bedtime starts at 7:20. Both are asleep by 8pm. And then I get a break... |
Anonymous
| My best friend has kids your age and she works outside the home and her husband travels for work a lot. She has a nanny while she is at work. She says she loves being a mom but also says if she had to stay at home all day especially with her husbands work schedule she would hate it. |
Anonymous
You have fair amount of breaks. More than I ever did prior to Elementary school starting. But if you think a sitter would help, get one. In my case I would have been making up errands to have something to do while the sitter was there and errands didn’t relax me. The kids need to nap or have quiet time if they don’t. I mean this nicely but maybe a parenting class would help? |
Anonymous
| Put the TV on once in a while! |
Anonymous
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OP, give yourself a break. You have small kids, husband is not there to help you and one kid has SN - it will be hard. You are sending them to school for a couple of hours each day and that is a great thing to begin with.
Here is what else you could do - 1) Outsource things like house cleaning and lawn care for some years. 2) Hiring a neighborhood kid to babysit or be a mom's helper, once or twice a week, |
Anonymous
| gym with a daycare. I take my 3 (well now 2 bc one is in all day school) everyday for 1 hours and 15 minutes. I usually workout for 45 minutes and take a nice hot shower. And once a week I just sit in the locker room and do bills, catch up on paper work, and sit in the sauna. |
Anonymous
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My kids are older, OP. But I remember those days. I SAH. We have five children. My DH has a demanding job with lots of travel. He left for three weeks when our youngest was two weeks old. It was hard. I remember sometimes feeling like you. Like there was never one moment when I could just breathe and think. What helped was having a really strict schedule. Routines were critical. I also wasn’t afraid to let the kids watch television. “Screen time” wasn’t a thing when my kids were younger. I joined a gym with childcare and went several times a week. And I had several babysitters on rotation so that I could run errands, get my hair cut, go to the doctor, etc. I also insisted the kids nap (or play quietly in their rooms) for at least an hour every afternoon.
Your kids are at a really tough age. It does get easier. But I know it’s hard right now. When you feel like you need a break, let them watch tv while you sit down with a cup of tea. |