Cousin situation: looking for perspective

[Anonymous]

Background:
my cousin and I grew up very close. We are the same age. Through our lives we were very close and hung out every weekend when we were single-almost like best friends. We were in each others wedding parties, she is my son's godmother.
We both ended up getting married and moving away-we live 3 hours from each other. We text often and see each other a few times a year or so, in addition to seeing them at family events.

There is an annual event that occurs near my city (3. 5 hours from her home). I haven't been to this event in 20 plus years. Cousin used to go annually until 10 years ago when she moved.

I texted her last week telling her I am going to the event and asking her what people usually wear/ dress code. She told me the dress code and stated that she hasn't gone in over 10 years etc. She didn't text all week after that.

I am at the event, I turn around and see her sitting at a table with her husband, far away from my table. I was surprised, they came over and said hi and we talked for a few minutes. She told me they got a babysitter and booked a hotel for the night--all while repeating how they decided to come last minute (doubtful due to distance, babysitter, hotel booking). Then dh offers them to sit at our table. Cousin says no thanks, they are saving seats for friends. There were about 2-4 guests that sat at their table, so they could have fit at our table.

I am wondering why she didn't text me to tell me she is coming to the event.
Also, I am hurt they didn't want to sit with us or anywhere close to us.

My conclusion: she just isn't that into me/ doesn't like me as much as I like her. Am I right?

[Anonymous]

Yes you are right

Leave your heart open. At some future point, you might be closer. If you aren't, you aren't.

[Anonymous]

Time to let go of the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time to let go of the relationship.

In what way?
Stop initiating communication? Dont visit her?

[Anonymous]

Relationship dynamics have changed y’all are chat buddies now. Days of hanging out just the two of you all up in each other’s faces is over. Her husband is her best friend now and they operate as a collective unit she ain’t the singular individual you once new anymore. Granted she’s singular when y’all texting and what not but when she’s with her husband she’s not HER she’s WE and WE (as in she and her husband) don’t hang with you like that. You don’t have to give up the friendship or cut her off just recognize and respect the fact that she’s part of a duo now and they got their own unique flow that don’t involve you. Respect her marriage and stop being so selfish get off that opera singing mentality you on OP (Me Me Me Me Meeeeee) cause her world doesn’t revolve around you no more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Relationship dynamics have changed y’all are chat buddies now. Days of hanging out just the two of you all up in each other’s faces is over. Her husband is her best friend now and they operate as a collective unit she ain’t the singular individual you once new anymore. Granted she’s singular when y’all texting and what not but when she’s with her husband she’s not HER she’s WE and WE (as in she and her husband) don’t hang with you like that. You don’t have to give up the friendship or cut her off just recognize and respect the fact that she’s part of a duo now and they got their own unique flow that don’t involve you. Respect her marriage and stop being so selfish get off that opera singing mentality you on OP (Me Me Me Me Meeeeee) cause her world doesn’t revolve around you no more.

I do respect her marriage WTF? I am also married. My DH and her DH seem to get along well. I am an inclusive person. I am not being selfish. But I sure can take the hint. They don't want to hang with us.

[Anonymous]

So you text often, see each other a few times a year but this one incident means the relationship is over?
Yes, you can get a babysitter and book a hotel room at the last minute.
Maybe there is stuff going on with them that had nothing to do with you.
Call and say ‘hey wish we could have hung out at the Grunch Festival, I miss you, let’s make plans to get together on x,you weekend.’
If If you were not regularly trying to make plans with her and she’s constantly rebuffing your efforts, it’s hard to say she’s trying to distance herself from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you text often, see each other a few times a year but this one incident means the relationship is over?
Yes, you can get a babysitter and book a hotel room at the last minute.
Maybe there is stuff going on with them that had nothing to do with you.
Call and say ‘hey wish we could have hung out at the Grunch Festival, I miss you, let’s make plans to get together on x,you weekend.’
If If you were not regularly trying to make plans with her and she’s constantly rebuffing your efforts, it’s hard to say she’s trying to distance herself from you.

Agree but when could have texted me to say she is coming. That coupled with the fact that they didn't want to sit with us-- does tell me she didn't want to hang out with me.

[Anonymous]

So OP basically thinks people ain’t allowed to do their own thing anymore. People ain’t allowed to have their own friends anymore. Folks got one time to not put OP at the center of their lives and activities and “THAT’S IT!!! YOU’RE NOT MY FRIEND ANYMORE!!”
Sheesh

[Anonymous]

Your cousin is not really interested in a relationship with you. I would be so excited to see my cousin at an event and if all I got was a hello, I would be sad.

[Anonymous]

She sounds like a b****. When people show you who they are, believe them.

[Anonymous]

So when OP hit the cousin up and said, “Yeah I’m going to the such-and-such next week what do people wear?” the cousin didn’t say, “Oh we might go too” she just told OP what to wear and then showed up out the blue.

Hmmmm...maybe she was pissed cause OP said she was going to the such-and-such 3.5 miles from her home and didn’t bother to suggest get together sometime!
OP was just like, “Yeah we going it’s close to your house and I ain’t seen you but screw coming by to say hi we going to the such-and-such what should I wear?”
That’s just as bad you ask me.
I wouldn’t wanna sit at your table either. You didn’t wanna come by my house. You didn’t wanna ask if we’d like to go with you. You just asked me for wardrobe advice SCREW YOU!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So when OP hit the cousin up and said, “Yeah I’m going to the such-and-such next week what do people wear?” the cousin didn’t say, “Oh we might go too” she just told OP what to wear and then showed up out the blue.

Hmmmm...maybe she was pissed cause OP said she was going to the such-and-such 3.5 miles from her home and didn’t bother to suggest get together sometime!
OP was just like, “Yeah we going it’s close to your house and I ain’t seen you but screw coming by to say hi we going to the such-and-such what should I wear?”
That’s just as bad you ask me.
I wouldn’t wanna sit at your table either. You didn’t wanna come by my house. You didn’t wanna ask if we’d like to go with you. You just asked me for wardrobe advice SCREW YOU!!!

The event was near MY house. It was 3.5 hours away from my cousins home. That's why I was so surprised she was thete and that's how I know it's not a last minute thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Background:
my cousin and I grew up very close. We are the same age. Through our lives we were very close and hung out every weekend when we were single-almost like best friends. We were in each others wedding parties, she is my son's godmother.
We both ended up getting married and moving away-we live 3 hours from each other. We text often and see each other a few times a year or so, in addition to seeing them at family events.

There is an annual event that occurs near my city (3. 5 hours from her home). I haven't been to this event in 20 plus years. Cousin used to go annually until 10 years ago when she moved.

I texted her last week telling her I am going to the event and asking her what people usually wear/ dress code. She told me the dress code and stated that she hasn't gone in over 10 years etc. She didn't text all week after that.

I am at the event, I turn around and see her sitting at a table with her husband, far away from my table. I was surprised, they came over and said hi and we talked for a few minutes. She told me they got a babysitter and booked a hotel for the night--all while repeating how they decided to come last minute (doubtful due to distance, babysitter, hotel booking). Then dh offers them to sit at our table. Cousin says no thanks, they are saving seats for friends. There were about 2-4 guests that sat at their table, so they could have fit at our table.

I am wondering why she didn't text me to tell me she is coming to the event.
Also, I am hurt they didn't want to sit with us or anywhere close to us.

My conclusion: she just isn't that into me/ doesn't like me as much as I like her. Am I right?

See bolded

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So when OP hit the cousin up and said, “Yeah I’m going to the such-and-such next week what do people wear?” the cousin didn’t say, “Oh we might go too” she just told OP what to wear and then showed up out the blue.

Hmmmm...maybe she was pissed cause OP said she was going to the such-and-such 3.5 miles from her home and didn’t bother to suggest get together sometime!
OP was just like, “Yeah we going it’s close to your house and I ain’t seen you but screw coming by to say hi we going to the such-and-such what should I wear?”
That’s just as bad you ask me.
I wouldn’t wanna sit at your table either. You didn’t wanna come by my house. You didn’t wanna ask if we’d like to go with you. You just asked me for wardrobe advice SCREW YOU!!!

The event was near MY house. It was 3.5 hours away from my cousins home. That's why I was so surprised she was thete and that's how I know it's not a last minute thing.

Well for whatever reason you ain’t on her favorite person’s list now you can be petty and respond in kind or you can act like you give two shits about your relationship/friendship and ask what’s going on.