Cousin situation: looking for perspective

[Anonymous]

Why y’all so afraid to confront people when there’s confusion or ambiguity in your relationships? Y’all always wanna play Sherlock Holmes and gather clues and make deductions about what’s going on and ask everybody in the world for insight on what’s happening but REFUSE TO TALK TO THE OTHER PARTY. What is the deal?

[Anonymous]

That was weird. What's with pps finding out some remote excuse for it? Surely OP would know if she insulted her cousin in some way? They could have invited you to their table as they were expecting other people, or been more polite about it.
Something is not right there. In last year, did she let you know when she comes closer to your town?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So OP basically thinks people ain’t allowed to do their own thing anymore. People ain’t allowed to have their own friends anymore. Folks got one time to not put OP at the center of their lives and activities and “THAT’S IT!!! YOU’RE NOT MY FRIEND ANYMORE!!”
Sheesh

Dp. I don't think ypu are being fair to op. Her cousin could have told she was going to event and socialized a bit with her. I would ask her straight up what was wrong and if you did anything. If she doesnt give a good reason I would give her the space she wants. You have thd right yo feel hurt.

[Anonymous]

I think the PP is right in that your cousin was probably hurt that you didn't say "Are you coming? I hope you are although I know it's a long drive." I really think that's the whole thing right there. It stung her, and she stung back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the PP is right in that your cousin was probably hurt that you didn't say "Are you coming? I hope you are although I know it's a long drive." I really think that's the whole thing right there. It stung her, and she stung back.

OP here. I don't think that's it. She told me she hasn't been there in a decade. Why would she drive all that way now? She expressed no interest in it last time we talked about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the PP is right in that your cousin was probably hurt that you didn't say "Are you coming? I hope you are although I know it's a long drive." I really think that's the whole thing right there. It stung her, and she stung back.

OP here. I don't think that's it. She told me she hasn't been there in a decade. Why would she drive all that way now? She expressed no interest in it last time we talked about it.

I know that is what you assumed during the phone call, but I would say that her presence and her behavior at the event might indicate that your assessment was off.

[Anonymous]

Yes. So?
Do you expect to be more important than the friends she’s made while you lived separate lives?
How strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the PP is right in that your cousin was probably hurt that you didn't say "Are you coming? I hope you are although I know it's a long drive." I really think that's the whole thing right there. It stung her, and she stung back.

OP here. I don't think that's it. She told me she hasn't been there in a decade. Why would she drive all that way now? She expressed no interest in it last time we talked about it.

I know that is what you assumed during the phone call, but I would say that her presence and her behavior at the event might indicate that your assessment was off.

I know she attends other more local events that she never informs me of. A few months ago she went to one closer to her home and never told me about it until after. So the expectation isnt there for me to invite her. It's just unusual that she didn't mention it because we discussed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Yes. So?
Do you expect to be more important than the friends she’s made while you lived separate lives?
How strange.

So why didn't she text to say she is coming?
I drove 3 hours to her FIL's funeral. None of them were there.

[Anonymous]

I have no idea but that is really weird! Can you give a hint as to what kind of event it was? Charity? Comic-con? School gala?

[Anonymous]

OP, you asked for perspective and then get mad .. like WE snubbed you.

[Anonymous]

I drove 3 hours to her FIL's funeral. None of them were there.

Your clan makes it all about keeping score! That's a very small-town thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the PP is right in that your cousin was probably hurt that you didn't say "Are you coming? I hope you are although I know it's a long drive." I really think that's the whole thing right there. It stung her, and she stung back.

OP here. I don't think that's it. She told me she hasn't been there in a decade. Why would she drive all that way now? She expressed no interest in it last time we talked about it.

I know that is what you assumed during the phone call, but I would say that her presence and her behavior at the event might indicate that your assessment was off.

+1 to both of these. It really sounds odd, OP, that she snubbed you that way. There is something more going on. Either you're not telling the whole story or you haven't been introspective enough to realize what you've done/said. I would give it a few days and call her. She may not answer the call. In that case, send an email with a blanket apology for anything that you might have done. Then sit and wait to see what happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes you are right

Leave your heart open. At some future point, you might be closer. If you aren't, you aren't.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the PP is right in that your cousin was probably hurt that you didn't say "Are you coming? I hope you are although I know it's a long drive." I really think that's the whole thing right there. It stung her, and she stung back.

OP here. I don't think that's it. She told me she hasn't been there in a decade. Why would she drive all that way now? She expressed no interest in it last time we talked about it.

You had not been in 20 years and youbwent.