Cousin situation: looking for perspective

[Anonymous]

It’s totally normal that she did not switch tables but I do think it is odd that she did not tell you she was going. Do you think maybe there was a missed text or something? I agree that seems a bit odd

[Anonymous]

Maybe she was hoping you’d offer her a place to stay?

Maybe they’ve been through something difficult in the past year or two and you never reached out.

[Anonymous]

Your cousin was going to the event with friends, perhaps friends that she use to go to this event with all the time. She wanted to catch up with them. Perhaps you mentioning made her think of it and they did organise it last minute. I can see how this happens.

I don't think this is anything about you. When you rang up you didn't invite her to the event. You just asked her what people wore. Who knows perhaps she was thinking that you just wanted a couple's day and she didn't want to invite herself along. I wouldn't read to much into it.

[Anonymous]

Op,

The time of your responses to the comments on this thread is answer enough to why your cousin did not tell you she was coming. You are too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op,

The time of your responses to the comments on this thread is answer enough to why your cousin did not tell you she was coming. You are too much.

That was supposed to be “tone”, not “time”

[Anonymous]

I think that when you called about your going to event, you should have asked her if she would like to come visit you. She was probably hurt and you did not pick up on it. Since you did not invite her, she made other plans that did not include you. You dropped the ball and now you are hurt. Live and learn. Make an effort to reconnect without dragging this event in her face.

[Anonymous]

In the times that your cousin used to go to this event, did she ever invite you or ask you if you want to go? Did you ever say you aren’t interested? So you two have been hanging out several times each year even recently? It’s odd in everything you wrote that she did but you should be able to ask her what happened since you two have been close al these years and are family. I would wait until some time passes so that you aren’t emotional about the situation and then talk to her to get to the bottom of this.

[Anonymous]

I would have been hurt too. Odd she didn't mention they were going as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that when you called about your going to event, you should have asked her if she would like to come visit you. She was probably hurt and you did not pick up on it. Since you did not invite her, she made other plans that did not include you. You dropped the ball and now you are hurt. Live and learn. Make an effort to reconnect without dragging this event in her face.

Why would I invite her to visit me 3.5 hours from her home? That's weird. Anyone can attend the event. She doesn't need me to invite her.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Cousin just texted me asking if we had a good time, what did we think of the music there?

I’m confused. Did not reply yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Cousin just texted me asking if we had a good time, what did we think of the music there?

I’m confused. Did not reply yet.

Yes it is weird she didn't mentioned she decided to come last minute- but stranger things happen. I can imagine she intended to hurt you. Move on and communicate with her as frequently as it suites you

[Anonymous]

My hot take is that she has actually been coming to the event for quite a number of years, but never told you she was going to be in town, and so then felt massively awkward when you asked about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My hot take is that she has actually been coming to the event for quite a number of years, but never told you she was going to be in town, and so then felt massively awkward when you asked about it.

Good point. If she hadn't been there recently, she may have prefaced her response by saying it's been ten years, but last time I was there people wore ...

Either way, it sounds like she's now reaching out to get things back to normal.

I do think OP should have invited her when she texted. But equally think that the cousin should have told OP she was planning to attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My hot take is that she has actually been coming to the event for quite a number of years, but never told you she was going to be in town, and so then felt massively awkward when you asked about it.

This. Awkward. OP my feelings would be hurt also and I would question our relationship. But there might still be an explanation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Cousin just texted me asking if we had a good time, what did we think of the music there?

I’m confused. Did not reply yet.

This would be a good time to pick up the phone and call her to talk about the event. You can even tell her (non-accusingly) that you were surprised to see her there. Whatever her response is, don’t harp on it.

I agree that you sound a little much. Maybe that’s why she didn’t say she was going. But she is clearly trying to open the lines of communication now so stay positive.