Reply to Kids don’t want to play with neighbors grandson

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I also have a child with special needs, which are speech and language based.  He attends an inclusive SN pre-school with NT kids and kids who have much more profound needs.  Guess what - everyone there adopts an attitude of kindness and taking care of each other.  Couldn't you teach your children to try to be a bit more accommodating and kind?  These are your neighbors and he is a neighborhood child.  Try to take better care of each other.  He should not be bothering YOU, and that is a boundary issue for the care giver, but I think it is awful to teach your kids to avoid or ignore him - truly awful.  Have a conversation with them about inclusion and help them think of some ways they can all have fun. [/quote]

Agree, however.....at 9 NT children comply with social norms.  SN children sometimes still have not learned those norms.  It is not the responsibility of the other children to play with someone that is constantly interrupting their play, making fun of the games they are playing, or derailing their games.  This is when an adult needs to step in.  It sounds like the grandparents want to treat their grandchild as an NT child and maybe he is, but his behavior is more in line with a child that still needs parental guidance.  If the grandparents are not going to provide that guidance and oversight, then the kids should not have to be subjected to this childs behavior.  If however, the grandparents are actively engaged in monitoring their grandsons behavior and actively addressing issues such as him trying to change the game, then yes, the children should be open to including him in their play.  In that case, the kids know that they just can play and grandma/pa will take care of making sure little Johnny is playing nicely.

OP--I would bluntly tell the grandparents that their child is welcome to play with yours as long as they are providing active supervision.  I would also reiterate to them that your house has a front door and the boundaries of the front door are to be respected.

---mom of 9yr old with ASD/ADHD/Anxiety[/quote]

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