Drinking too much

[Anonymous]

I'm under a lot of stress everywhere: work, baby toddler. I've been drinking too much and I know it. My amazing dh of 12 years has no idea and I've been sneaking alcohol around him. I feel like he hasn't noticed because of the same stressors. He travels Monday -Thursday which means he's checked out if the hard bits. I've been trying to stop and can't. I've been thinking I need him on my side to motivate and encourage me but I'm worried he will be a drinking nazi and never let me have a drink again. I'm ready to cut back significantly but don't want him to get upset at a glass of champagne at a wedding.

I'm not interested in judgment. I have enough judgment on myself already. Anyone been here or was the spouse in this situation?

[Anonymous]

I am sorry, OP. I was in a similar boat. Then I decided to do Whole30, which requires no alcohol. It was hard, but I was able to stop drinking. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Try going 3 weeks without alcohol OP. You can do it!

[Anonymous]

Op here. I’ve been trying to do Sunday-Thursday no alcohol. I do think I should try a whole month of alcohol.

[Anonymous]

How successful have you been with Sun-Thurs no drinking? How many weeks in a row have you kept to that? If you can’t do it for more than a week or two, I think your better off not drinking for 30 days as habits generally don’t form for 21 days or more.

[Anonymous]

I was in the same shoes as you although I was drinking more and for longer and hiding it. I quit cold turkey in January and haven't had a drop and my life is totally different for the better. I think you really need to go a month without any alcohol but don't eschew alcohol related events. Have a look at how people react when they notice you aren't drinking. Alcohol is the only drug that people ask you why you're not having it. Anyway, try reading/listening to Annie Grace's The Naked Mind. I think you will find it useful. And that glass of champagne at the wedding? Its really not that great.

[Anonymous]

I haven't drank for the last 3 nights and already I have more energy and my average resting heart rate has started to decrease. It’s hard to get out of the drinking/hangover/stress/drinking loop but taking a break is so worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I’ve been trying to do Sunday-Thursday no alcohol. I do think I should try a whole month of alcohol.

Then you should try going the whole month. Also, incorporate some kind of early morning exercise in - like put the baby in the stroller and take a power walk. If you have a baby and toddler then get a double jogging stroller. Figure out the times of the day that you are inclined to drink and set up a new routine. Maybe walk the kids to the park in the evening and push the toddler in the swing or sit and read to them.

Honestly, having been through the baby/toddler stage with my own kids, I remember how exhausting it is. When you are the sole caregiver you really need to be on top of your game so it's good that you are taking this seriously.

[Anonymous]

Been there, OP. I wasn't sneaking and I didn't have a hard time stopping once I set my mind to it... but it took me a while to set my mind to it. Try to push past each evening "event" without a drink, and then set your sights on the next one. I.e., get through the toddler's dinner with no drink, then aim to get through bath/bedtime with no drink, then do an hour of work or watch an hour of tv with no drink, and so on. I found that at a certain point in the evening, I wouldn't want to start drinking and so if I could just get to that point, I'd be good.

My spouse wouldn't be judgmental, but he also wouldn't be very helpful, so I didn't involve him much except to mention a few times I was trying to cut back on weeknight drinking. It also helped to have no wine in the house (my drink of choice) during the week. I could always pick up a bottle on my way home Fridays. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Babies solve problems. Get pregnant again.

[Anonymous]

^^ Ugh, no.

Annie Grace's alcohol experiment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Been there, OP. I wasn't sneaking and I didn't have a hard time stopping once I set my mind to it... but it took me a while to set my mind to it. Try to push past each evening "event" without a drink, and then set your sights on the next one. I.e., get through the toddler's dinner with no drink, then aim to get through bath/bedtime with no drink, then do an hour of work or watch an hour of tv with no drink, and so on. I found that at a certain point in the evening, I wouldn't want to start drinking and so if I could just get to that point, I'd be good.

My spouse wouldn't be judgmental, but he also wouldn't be very helpful, so I didn't involve him much except to mention a few times I was trying to cut back on weeknight drinking. It also helped to have no wine in the house (my drink of choice) during the week. I could always pick up a bottle on my way home Fridays. Good luck to you.

Not OP but I can totally relate to this - my trouble time is like 6pm-8pm - no interest in day drinking or drinking into the night but I can regularly put away a bottle during that time frame. This advice is helpful!

[Anonymous]

This was me, and I decided to confront my issue for what it was and deal with it as such - a problem. Today I am one month sober! I go to A.A., have a sponsor, and work the program. It is working for me and I feel great. Good on you for wanting to make a change, OP.

[Anonymous]

I gave up drinking 5 months ago. I will still take an occasional sip for taste but it’s not hard to stop at that. I’d been a heavy drinker for 20 years and had tried to cut back unsuccessfully. For me the first month was hell, mostly because I realized I’d used alcohol as an emotional crutch and needed to find new patterns. I tried only drinking on weekends or when I went out with friends but found those rules easy to break. Maybe those kinds of limitations will work for you. My daughter was the best incentive for me. When I told her I wanted to cut back, she said, “I’ve heard that before.” That’s when I knew it was time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was me, and I decided to confront my issue for what it was and deal with it as such - a problem. Today I am one month sober! I go to A.A., have a sponsor, and work the program. It is working for me and I feel great. Good on you for wanting to make a change, OP.