Life after church & not believing in God

[Anonymous]

I used to attend a Christian church. Mostly would be classified as evangelical/Pentecostal. I’m not sure exactly what it was as I always get confused with all the denominations, non denominational etc I spent ages 14-22 attending because of my parents. I had an overall horrible experience. The typical: felt like I was constantly getting judged, pressured into things I didn’t want to do, more about pleasing man than God, hypocrisy by the pastor, deacons etc. I am much happier now that I stopped going. But I feel like everyone feels sorry for me as a “fallen” Christian. My mom hates the fact I stopped going. But I always felt like I gave away my teenage years to this church that had horrible leadership and worst of all we’re hypocrites. I had to be the perfect Christian girl since I was a Sunday school teacher and sang in the choir every Sunday. I also started to question whether God exists or not, thinking why church was created (as a tool of social control), considering other religions like Judaism and even Buddhism as I feel they’re much more peaceful (correct me if I’m wrong)

I guess this is just a rant more than anything else.

[Anonymous]

Welcome. You are not wrong. There are a lot of us agnostics.

[Anonymous]

So you went to a bad church. And that’s made you atheist how? I’m not really following. Maybe you should try actually reading the Bible.

[Anonymous]

"But I always felt like I gave away my teenage years to this church that had horrible leadership and worst of all we’re hypocrites."

What does this mean? Did you go to school at this church or something? Did it occupy everything in your life? What exactly would you have rather been doing as a teen other than being a "perfect Christian girl?" Sex, drugs, rock and roll?

Sorry you had an unpleasant church experience, but you sound kind of dramatic. Either go to church or don't go, people are always going to have an opinion on your choices and if you decide to worry about their opinion you have a long, hard road ahead of you.

I go to church and wear a cross, do you think people don't have judgments about that? They definitely do and they feel free to share them with me, and that's ok. People are allowed to have an opinion and I am allowed to ignore that opinion. Even my mother does not like my choices even though I "stayed" in the church, it is not in her preferred way. Guess what, that is HER problem, not mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you went to a bad church. And that’s made you atheist how? I’m not really following. Maybe you should try actually reading the Bible.

Amazing example of the attitude that drove me and OP away from the church.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you went to a bad church. And that’s made you atheist how? I’m not really following. Maybe you should try actually reading the Bible.

Former Catholic here. Once your eyes are open to the hypocrisy, you can't not see it. I read the Bible, but will not attend services at another church of any denomination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"But I always felt like I gave away my teenage years to this church that had horrible leadership and worst of all we’re hypocrites."

What does this mean? Did you go to school at this church or something? Did it occupy everything in your life? What exactly would you have rather been doing as a teen other than being a "perfect Christian girl?" Sex, drugs, rock and roll?

Sorry you had an unpleasant church experience, but you sound kind of dramatic. Either go to church or don't go, people are always going to have an opinion on your choices and if you decide to worry about their opinion you have a long, hard road ahead of you.

I go to church and wear a cross, do you think people don't have judgments about that? They definitely do and they feel free to share them with me, and that's ok. People are allowed to have an opinion and I am allowed to ignore that opinion. Even my mother does not like my choices even though I "stayed" in the church, it is not in her preferred way. Guess what, that is HER problem, not mine.

Don't be dense. OP clearly meant that she felt pressured by her family to attend. In addition to being a financially dependent minor, she didn't feel as though she could say no to her parents without facing heavy criticism or rejection. In super religious families, the church is also the community. She probably wasn't allowed to have much of a social life outside of church events and functions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you went to a bad church. And that’s made you atheist how? I’m not really following. Maybe you should try actually reading the Bible.

Former Catholic here. Once your eyes are open to the hypocrisy, you can't not see it. I read the Bible, but will not attend services at another church of any denomination.

Do you read the Bible though? Because there is a very real emphasis on community and fellowship in it. Jesus did not just wander around alone, the early church was not just a bunch of guys wandering around solo.

It's such a cop out to say you worship alone but "read the Bible." No you don't. Find a better church. Not all churches are nightmarish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"But I always felt like I gave away my teenage years to this church that had horrible leadership and worst of all we’re hypocrites."

What does this mean? Did you go to school at this church or something? Did it occupy everything in your life? What exactly would you have rather been doing as a teen other than being a "perfect Christian girl?" Sex, drugs, rock and roll?

Sorry you had an unpleasant church experience, but you sound kind of dramatic. Either go to church or don't go, people are always going to have an opinion on your choices and if you decide to worry about their opinion you have a long, hard road ahead of you.

I go to church and wear a cross, do you think people don't have judgments about that? They definitely do and they feel free to share them with me, and that's ok. People are allowed to have an opinion and I am allowed to ignore that opinion. Even my mother does not like my choices even though I "stayed" in the church, it is not in her preferred way. Guess what, that is HER problem, not mine.

Don't be dense. OP clearly meant that she felt pressured by her family to attend. In addition to being a financially dependent minor, she didn't feel as though she could say no to her parents without facing heavy criticism or rejection. In super religious families, the church is also the community. She probably wasn't allowed to have much of a social life outside of church events and functions.

Oh my, she didn't have a social life outside of church! What a tragedy!

I'm not saying this is nothing, but we are ALL victims of our parents' whims as teens. My parents were very religious and our church was EXTREMELY lame (boy could I write a vent post) and it was the center of our social life too and they should have chosen something else. Some people are dragged around to sports they don't like or pressured into music or all kinds of stuff. I just wanted to know if OP was from some extreme cult-type situation (in which case I would have some sympathy) but it just seems like she is a young, dramatic person who had a "bad" church experience and feels like she missed out on "life" (she didn't, few people have awesome teen years).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"But I always felt like I gave away my teenage years to this church that had horrible leadership and worst of all we’re hypocrites."

What does this mean? Did you go to school at this church or something? Did it occupy everything in your life? What exactly would you have rather been doing as a teen other than being a "perfect Christian girl?" Sex, drugs, rock and roll?

Sorry you had an unpleasant church experience, but you sound kind of dramatic. Either go to church or don't go, people are always going to have an opinion on your choices and if you decide to worry about their opinion you have a long, hard road ahead of you.

I go to church and wear a cross, do you think people don't have judgments about that? They definitely do and they feel free to share them with me, and that's ok. People are allowed to have an opinion and I am allowed to ignore that opinion. Even my mother does not like my choices even though I "stayed" in the church, it is not in her preferred way. Guess what, that is HER problem, not mine.

Don't be dense. OP clearly meant that she felt pressured by her family to attend. In addition to being a financially dependent minor, she didn't feel as though she could say no to her parents without facing heavy criticism or rejection. In super religious families, the church is also the community. She probably wasn't allowed to have much of a social life outside of church events and functions.

Oh my, she didn't have a social life outside of church! What a tragedy!

I'm not saying this is nothing, but we are ALL victims of our parents' whims as teens. My parents were very religious and our church was EXTREMELY lame (boy could I write a vent post) and it was the center of our social life too and they should have chosen something else. Some people are dragged around to sports they don't like or pressured into music or all kinds of stuff. I just wanted to know if OP was from some extreme cult-type situation (in which case I would have some sympathy) but it just seems like she is a young, dramatic person who had a "bad" church experience and feels like she missed out on "life" (she didn't, few people have awesome teen years).

It is a tragedy to waste years of your life doing a time-consuming activity that you disagreed with and don't want to do. It's also years that OP could've spent doing something that she enjoyed and that enriched her life.

My parents were strict but they weren't assholes. They never created an environment where their love was conditional upon belonging to the same religious organization (or religion, in general).
A teenager is old enough to have an informed opinion on something as personal and individual as religion. If I, as teenager, told my parents that I didn't want to go church, they wouldn't liked it but they would've respected it. I knew that I could disagree with them on something like this and they would still love me.

Forcing (directly or indirectly) your kids to attend church is not a parental "whim" and it's certainly not okay.

[Anonymous]

Did OP ever actually tell her parents that she did not want to go to church when she was a teen? Did she ever talk to them about doubts, things she felt uncomfortable with, etc? She does not say. She says she felt "pressured," which can mean a lot of things. She appears to have had the same beliefs as her family at that time, and is upset in retrospect now that she does not believe and feels she wasted her time.

[Anonymous]

If you miss the community of church but not the dogma and pressure, you may like a Unitarian Universalist church. It is a liberal religion that embraces many different types of beliefs. I’m my congregation we have atheists, Christians, Buddhists and others. You would be welcomed.

[Anonymous]

You spent 9 years attending a church and don’t know what kind of church it was?

[Anonymous]

I am the same but I don’t feel guilty I feel like I have graduated from dogma to spirituality.

I think dogma/church is a lower level of understanding our own existence/spirit.

Imagine how frustrating it would be if you were ready for high school but you family kept you in kindergarten.

You are doing the right thing.

Continue with your journey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You spent 9 years attending a church and don’t know what kind of church it was?

Good evidence of trolling...