I don't know how to be a good wife

[Anonymous]

I don't know how to be a good wife. From what I gather, my spouse wants constant praise that he is great, lots of space especially during an argument, and for me to just shut up instead of expressing my opinion a lot of the time. I love my spouse, but I just don't know how to do this. These things seem antithetical to my nature. Do most wives do this? Is there no way I can be a good wife without this? Is there something wrong with me that I have a hard time with this?

[Anonymous]

Your actions shouldn't be based on 'what you gather'. It isn't likely your husband expects constant praise.

Being a good wife means validating and respecting your spouse, building them up and not bringing then down, appreciating their contributions and what they do for the family, seeing them as an equal partner in decision making etc.

You probably need some couples therapy to really look at what you both need from a relationship and if you are able to find a dynamic that works.

[Anonymous]

You can't be the kind of spouse your husband needs/wants apparently. That has nothing to do with you being a good wife. Is he a good husband? Does he meet your needs? His needs to be something incompatible with your nature. So either meet in the middle (he gives a little and you give a little) or you part ways.

My dh does not need praise, space and appreciates my opinions even if they are contrary to his. He has plenty of his own faults and I have mine and we deal with them and compromise on some things and let each other be for other parts and just ignore those.
How was he before you were married? What was the relationship and expectations like?

[Anonymous]

Nobody needs constant praise, that's silly. But like a PP said, you need to find out what he actually does need. You shouldn't assume.

They say you need 5 positive interactions for every negative one ... because negative interactions are so powerful. And it doesn't have to be "praise" but just positive interactions (like, thanks for taking out the trash, hon).

And ... you need to be clear about what YOU need, as well. It's a two way street. You can't just say what you don't like.

Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Well, you're passive aggressive for sure. So, maybe start there. I obviously don't have any idea if you've accurately characterized your husband or not, but if the way you've framed this post bears any relationship to how you argue with your husband, then I assume your communication with one another is crap.

[Anonymous]

You will never learn how to be a good wife on DCUM. None here.

[Anonymous]

Why on Earth would you marry someone who wants you to "just shut up instead of expressing my opinion a lot of the time." What was dating this person like? Why did you marry him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will never learn how to be a good wife on DCUM. None here.

I disagree.
The internet brings out the worst in everybody. It isn't a reflection of reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will never learn how to be a good wife on DCUM. None here.

I disagree.
The internet brings out the worst in everybody. It isn't a reflection of reality.

I think DCUM is true reflection of people. We are all ugly inside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will never learn how to be a good wife on DCUM. None here.

I disagree.
The internet brings out the worst in everybody. It isn't a reflection of reality.

I think DCUM is true reflection of people. We are all ugly inside.

I'm sorry. That feels miserable. I think all are partly ugly inside (I sure am) but we are also beautiful inside. I can't bear to think that people are this rude in real life. I don't know anybody like that. I think there are some good aspects to DCUM (you get lots of perspectives, and you get them pretty straight). But it is way too easy to miss the whole picture of what is actually going on, and that skews everything. Because it is easy to look at a situation in black and white when you have a tiny sliver and only one perspective of a situation, but in reality a situation is rarely that simple.

[Anonymous]

This sounds reactive and poor me. As though your husband raised a concern he had with the relationship and you have turned it into something dramatic.

I doubt your husband would agree that he needs constant praise or that you aren't allowed to have an opinion. Both people can always work on the relationship but you have to be willing to hear and to open to change.

Giving someone space is usually about respecting their needs - I am not sure what your issue is with giving him space?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why on Earth would you marry someone who wants you to "just shut up instead of expressing my opinion a lot of the time." What was dating this person like? Why did you marry him?

This. You should be able to express your opinion and talk through issues. Its sounds like he wants it his way and only his way. If he doesn't want to hear your opinion at all then that sounds extremely disrespectful.

I do agree that it's good to give each other space during arguments. Cool down and talk later.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you'd be a good wife to someone with realistic expectations who appreciated you for who YOU are, not for who they want you to be. Divorce.

[Anonymous]

What the...

Honey he married you he didn't marry some caricature or depiction - be you that's what he fell in love with that's who you are.

[Anonymous]

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