I don't know how to be a good wife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husbands love your wives (this means self sacrifice putting her needs and wants above your own)

Wives respect your husbands (yes this means occasional praise and keeping nagging to a minimum)

For a successful marriage both partners have to be doing these things

What kind of praise? Seriously asking. I am not a nagger, but don't know if I'm praising enough or the right stuff.

Great job on the non nagging for praise try a variety of things and see how he reacts. Continue doing the ones that get the best positive reaction. It goes with words of affirmation see below.

5 love languages

. Words of affirmation – using words to build up the other person. “Thanks for
taking out the garbage.” Not – “It’s about time you took the garbage out. The
flies were going to carry it out for you.”

2. Gifts – a gift says, “He was thinking about me. Look what he got for me.”

3. Acts of Service – Doing something for your spouse that you know they would
like. Cooking a meal, washing dishes, vacuuming floors, are all acts of service.

4. Quality time – by which I mean, giving your spouse your undivided attention.
Taking a walk together or sitting on the couch with the TV off – talking and
listening.

5. Physical touch – holding hands, hugging, kissing, sexual intercourse, are all
expressions of love.

Out of these five, each of you has a primary love language which speaks more
deeply to you than all the others. Discovering each other’s language and speaking
it regularly is the best way to keep love alive in a marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husbands love your wives (this means self sacrifice putting her needs and wants above your own)

Wives respect your husbands (yes this means occasional praise and keeping nagging to a minimum)

For a successful marriage both partners have to be doing these things

What kind of praise? Seriously asking. I am not a nagger, but don't know if I'm praising enough or the right stuff.

Great job on the non nagging for praise try a variety of things and see how he reacts. Continue doing the ones that get the best positive reaction. It goes with words of affirmation see below.

5 love languages

. Words of affirmation – using words to build up the other person. “Thanks for
taking out the garbage.” Not – “It’s about time you took the garbage out. The
flies were going to carry it out for you.”

2. Gifts – a gift says, “He was thinking about me. Look what he got for me.”

3. Acts of Service – Doing something for your spouse that you know they would
like. Cooking a meal, washing dishes, vacuuming floors, are all acts of service.

4. Quality time – by which I mean, giving your spouse your undivided attention.
Taking a walk together or sitting on the couch with the TV off – talking and
listening.

5. Physical touch – holding hands, hugging, kissing, sexual intercourse, are all
expressions of love.

Out of these five, each of you has a primary love language which speaks more
deeply to you than all the others. Discovering each other’s language and speaking
it regularly is the best way to keep love alive in a marriage.

Well words of affirmation I'm good. I'm thankful and express it. But it isn't hislove language. Probably i am lacking in the physical touch area, but I'll make it more of a priority. And quality time ... Definitely could up the bar on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Husbands love your wives (this means self sacrifice putting her needs and wants above your own)

Wives respect your husbands (yes this means occasional praise and keeping nagging to a minimum)

For a successful marriage both partners have to be doing these things

What kind of praise? Seriously asking. I am not a nagger, but don't know if I'm praising enough or the right stuff.

Great job on the non nagging for praise try a variety of things and see how he reacts. Continue doing the ones that get the best positive reaction. It goes with words of affirmation see below.

5 love languages

1. Words of affirmation – using words to build up the other person. “Thanks for
taking out the garbage.” Not – “It’s about time you took the garbage out. The
flies were going to carry it out for you.”

2. Gifts – a gift says, “He was thinking about me. Look what he got for me.”

3. Acts of Service – Doing something for your spouse that you know they would
like. Cooking a meal, washing dishes, vacuuming floors, are all acts of service.

4. Quality time – by which I mean, giving your spouse your undivided attention.
Taking a walk together or sitting on the couch with the TV off – talking and
listening.

5. Physical touch – holding hands, hugging, kissing, sexual intercourse, are all
expressions of love.

Out of these five, each of you has a primary love language which speaks more
deeply to you than all the others. Discovering each other’s language and speaking
it regularly is the best way to keep love alive in a marriage.

Well words of affirmation I'm good. I'm thankful and express it. But it isn't hislove language. Probably i am lacking in the physical touch area, but I'll make it more of a priority. And quality time ... Definitely could up the bar on that.

Um HELLO!! You gals are completely missing the point of the 5 Love Languages. This is NOT a checklist where you must cover all of these. Rather the goal is to understand which ones are most important to your partner and then focus on those! So dial back efforts on #1 and ramp up the effort on #5 (ie, sex) which is by far men's most common love language.

[Anonymous]

Um, no. I pointed out that i was good on words of affirmation, but that wasn't hislove language. And that I need to work on two other areas that were his love languages.

However, my original question was actually about praise. So. Answer that.

[Anonymous]

OP are you on the spectrum?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, no. I pointed out that i was good on words of affirmation, but that wasn't hislove language. And that I need to work on two other areas that were his love languages.

However, my original question was actually about praise. So. Answer that.

But it makes no sense to even say you are "good" in an area that's unimportant to him, especially when you are NOT good in the areas he DOES care about.
Praise is more words-of-affirmation, and (like you said) that's not his love language so STOP WASTING EFFORT there and redirect it to HIS specific areas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um, no. I pointed out that i was good on words of affirmation, but that wasn't hislove language. And that I need to work on two other areas that were his love languages.

However, my original question was actually about praise. So. Answer that.

But it makes no sense to even say you are "good" in an area that's unimportant to him, especially when you are NOT good in the areas he DOES care about.
Praise is more words-of-affirmation, and (like you said) that's not his love language so STOP WASTING EFFORT there and redirect it to HIS specific areas.

I think you should stop responding. The more she writes, the more I wonder if she struggles with reading social cues, reading emotions etc and is trying to figure out the exact 1,2,3 (do this, then do this, then do that) for this problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BJs

Not the answer. I enthusiastically gave them..DH couldn’t deal with the kids and bailed.

you have to also periodically give them after the honeymoon

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he is a jerk.