If you hated your own school years..

[Anonymous]

...how do you deal with reliving them when your children hit kindergarten?

I know this sounds crazy, but I wasn't a happy person until college. I hate being at someone's beck and call, I hated all the rules, I just hated it. I followed the rules, each and every one, but I was miserable doing it. I loved the freedom that college and a professional job provided. Show up two minutes later because of traffic? No big deal! Strep throat? Take the day off and sleep!

My my oldest is starting K, and I'm dreading everything about it. I don't know how to get her to school on time, because there are so many variables. And yes, I'm the person always 10 minutes early for everything, but when you introduce a child into the mix, well, I can't 100% control another person. She's already complaining about the dress code, and I'm in tears almost every night thinking of the phone calls I'm going to get. I suppose I had forgotten that schools has such a strict attendance policy, and you can be kicked out for a certain number of excused absences (a really low number). It's honestly like going through my childhood years all over again.

Anyway, that's it. Just pure dread. Was anyone happy as an adult, then had to face childhood issues again once their kids grew up? How do you deal with it?

[Anonymous]

You may want to work on those issues. It's not that bad. Really, how is school so different from work? Yes, your child needs to be there most days but the number of absences allowed is not that low. Are you allowed to just come to work whenever you feel like it? No, you are generally expected to be there M-F from 9-5 or whatever unless you have a good reason. Same for school! (except for different hours). And dress code -- just like you can't show up to work in flip-flops and athleisure wear, you can't come to school wearing your Superman costume -- and the dress code is much more lax than professional office wear.

Again, you seem to have unusual issues around school and you should work on it before child enters K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You may want to work on those issues. It's not that bad. Really, how is school so different from work? Yes, your child needs to be there most days but the number of absences allowed is not that low. Are you allowed to just come to work whenever you feel like it? No, you are generally expected to be there M-F from 9-5 or whatever unless you have a good reason. Same for school! (except for different hours). And dress code -- just like you can't show up to work in flip-flops and athleisure wear, you can't come to school wearing your Superman costume -- and the dress code is much more lax than professional office wear.

Again, you seem to have unusual issues around school and you should work on it before child enters K.

Really? I feel like my business casual dress code is much more lax - I don't have to wear a belt, button up shirt, or closed-toed shoes, for example. DD is pretty upset about the buttons and in tears about the belt - she doesn't like them around her waist. And yes, if I'm 5-10 "late", no one cares, because I've got a smartphone and am an exempt employee. I'm not written up, especially if there's even the most tenuous of excuses (crap, had a flat tire). Flat tire and DD is late? It's written down and she gets in trouble. I don't know, maybe I'm lucky, but most salaried people don't strict hours, no. I've also got 8+ weeks of sick time in addition to vacation. DD can miss 10 days (excused too!) before she's not allowed to progress to the next grade. It's all very strict, and I guess I'm just really missing the freedom I used to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...how do you deal with reliving them when your children hit kindergarten?

I know this sounds crazy, but I wasn't a happy person until college. I hate being at someone's beck and call, I hated all the rules, I just hated it. I followed the rules, each and every one, but I was miserable doing it. I loved the freedom that college and a professional job provided. Show up two minutes later because of traffic? No big deal! Strep throat? Take the day off and sleep!

My my oldest is starting K, and I'm dreading everything about it. I don't know how to get her to school on time, because there are so many variables. And yes, I'm the person always 10 minutes early for everything, but when you introduce a child into the mix, well, I can't 100% control another person. She's already complaining about the dress code, and I'm in tears almost every night thinking of the phone calls I'm going to get. I suppose I had forgotten that schools has such a strict attendance policy, and you can be kicked out for a certain number of excused absences (a really low number). It's honestly like going through my childhood years all over again.

Anyway, that's it. Just pure dread. Was anyone happy as an adult, then had to face childhood issues again once their kids grew up? How do you deal with it?

This doesn't happen at public school. There is no number of excused absences where they will kick your DC out or make your DC repeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...how do you deal with reliving them when your children hit kindergarten?

I know this sounds crazy, but I wasn't a happy person until college. I hate being at someone's beck and call, I hated all the rules, I just hated it. I followed the rules, each and every one, but I was miserable doing it. I loved the freedom that college and a professional job provided. Show up two minutes later because of traffic? No big deal! Strep throat? Take the day off and sleep!

My my oldest is starting K, and I'm dreading everything about it. I don't know how to get her to school on time, because there are so many variables. And yes, I'm the person always 10 minutes early for everything, but when you introduce a child into the mix, well, I can't 100% control another person. She's already complaining about the dress code, and I'm in tears almost every night thinking of the phone calls I'm going to get. I suppose I had forgotten that schools has such a strict attendance policy, and you can be kicked out for a certain number of excused absences (a really low number). It's honestly like going through my childhood years all over again.

Anyway, that's it. Just pure dread. Was anyone happy as an adult, then had to face childhood issues again once their kids grew up? How do you deal with it?

This doesn't happen at public school. There is no number of excused absences where they will kick your DC out or make your DC repeat.

It's a private school. And yeah - people told me the local public schools have the same 10 day rule. You can appeal it, but that's the rule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...how do you deal with reliving them when your children hit kindergarten?

I know this sounds crazy, but I wasn't a happy person until college. I hate being at someone's beck and call, I hated all the rules, I just hated it. I followed the rules, each and every one, but I was miserable doing it. I loved the freedom that college and a professional job provided. Show up two minutes later because of traffic? No big deal! Strep throat? Take the day off and sleep!

My my oldest is starting K, and I'm dreading everything about it. I don't know how to get her to school on time, because there are so many variables. And yes, I'm the person always 10 minutes early for everything, but when you introduce a child into the mix, well, I can't 100% control another person. She's already complaining about the dress code, and I'm in tears almost every night thinking of the phone calls I'm going to get. I suppose I had forgotten that schools has such a strict attendance policy, and you can be kicked out for a certain number of excused absences (a really low number). It's honestly like going through my childhood years all over again.

Anyway, that's it. Just pure dread. Was anyone happy as an adult, then had to face childhood issues again once their kids grew up? How do you deal with it?

This doesn't happen at public school. There is no number of excused absences where they will kick your DC out or make your DC repeat.

It's a private school. And yeah - people told me the local public schools have the same 10 day rule. You can appeal it, but that's the rule.

I suppose you aren't local then.

Don't send your DC to that private school if you hate the uniforms and the strictness. If you're paying for a school, pay for a school that you don't hate.

[Anonymous]

As the parent, you need to get it together. You need to get her dressed and out the door on time. I would worry about it less because of the school’s rules and more because it makes it social harder for her to feel like she is throw in late and unprepared each day.

I hated school. I always hated school. The rules were nonsense and the rewards were dumb. I love work. The rules are still nonsense but I know that I can play by them enough to get what I want and I really like a monetary reward.

My oldest is rising 1st grader. I had no issues getting him to school on time and prepared. That’s my responsibility. His personality is nothing like mine so I am not worried about how he will handle the rules that I can’t/don’t really believe in either. My baby is my clone. That one is going to be a delicate negotiation to get him through school. But that’s my job as his parent.

[Anonymous]

I feel the same way OP. Schools are just so strict about everything and it doesn't help all the things you read about in the news. Like the kid who made a clock for science fair getting investigated for trying to build a bomb. There seems to be no leniency with kids. I remember recess and lunch being the best part of the day, but there's little to no time for that now. And no naps in K...

But I will say that your kid is feeding off your anxiety. If they see you acting calm about it, they will be calm too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...how do you deal with reliving them when your children hit kindergarten?

I know this sounds crazy, but I wasn't a happy person until college. I hate being at someone's beck and call, I hated all the rules, I just hated it. I followed the rules, each and every one, but I was miserable doing it. I loved the freedom that college and a professional job provided. Show up two minutes later because of traffic? No big deal! Strep throat? Take the day off and sleep!

My my oldest is starting K, and I'm dreading everything about it. I don't know how to get her to school on time, because there are so many variables. And yes, I'm the person always 10 minutes early for everything, but when you introduce a child into the mix, well, I can't 100% control another person. She's already complaining about the dress code, and I'm in tears almost every night thinking of the phone calls I'm going to get. I suppose I had forgotten that schools has such a strict attendance policy, and you can be kicked out for a certain number of excused absences (a really low number). It's honestly like going through my childhood years all over again.

Anyway, that's it. Just pure dread. Was anyone happy as an adult, then had to face childhood issues again once their kids grew up? How do you deal with it?

This doesn't happen at public school. There is no number of excused absences where they will kick your DC out or make your DC repeat.

It's a private school. And yeah - people told me the local public schools have the same 10 day rule. You can appeal it, but that's the rule.

I suppose you aren't local then.

Don't send your DC to that private school if you hate the uniforms and the strictness. If you're paying for a school, pay for a school that you don't hate.

Well, I hated the rules at the public school even more, and DH insisted on private. Which isn't really the debate. How do you go back to dealing with severe restrictions after 15 years of not really having any? And yes, having a 5 year old written up for being 2 minutes late for a reason that's totally acceptable at work is severe. I mean, she can't control the traffic or if I oversleep or drop a contact and take an extra 5 minutes getting ready. This is all on me, and I'm super anxious about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the parent, you need to get it together. You need to get her dressed and out the door on time. I would worry about it less because of the school’s rules and more because it makes it social harder for her to feel like she is throw in late and unprepared each day.

I hated school. I always hated school. The rules were nonsense and the rewards were dumb. I love work. The rules are still nonsense but I know that I can play by them enough to get what I want and I really like a monetary reward.

My oldest is rising 1st grader. I had no issues getting him to school on time and prepared. That’s my responsibility. His personality is nothing like mine so I am not worried about how he will handle the rules that I can’t/don’t really believe in either. My baby is my clone. That one is going to be a delicate negotiation to get him through school. But that’s my job as his parent.

The thing is, while I can get myself everywhere on time (early, even), I can't get DH and the kids anywhere. It's constant cajoling and threatening and waking up two hours early. And even then, it's not always enough. It's so much responsibility with horrible penalties if I fail, but I don't have control over anyoe but myself, so what can I do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the parent, you need to get it together. You need to get her dressed and out the door on time. I would worry about it less because of the school’s rules and more because it makes it social harder for her to feel like she is throw in late and unprepared each day.

I hated school. I always hated school. The rules were nonsense and the rewards were dumb. I love work. The rules are still nonsense but I know that I can play by them enough to get what I want and I really like a monetary reward.

My oldest is rising 1st grader. I had no issues getting him to school on time and prepared. That’s my responsibility. His personality is nothing like mine so I am not worried about how he will handle the rules that I can’t/don’t really believe in either. My baby is my clone. That one is going to be a delicate negotiation to get him through school. But that’s my job as his parent.

The thing is, while I can get myself everywhere on time (early, even), I can't get DH and the kids anywhere. It's constant cajoling and threatening and waking up two hours early. And even then, it's not always enough. It's so much responsibility with horrible penalties if I fail, but I don't have control over anyoe but myself, so what can I do?

Get them up 3 hours early.

Make it happen. Get you DC to kindergarten on time. You can do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You may want to work on those issues. It's not that bad. Really, how is school so different from work? Yes, your child needs to be there most days but the number of absences allowed is not that low. Are you allowed to just come to work whenever you feel like it? No, you are generally expected to be there M-F from 9-5 or whatever unless you have a good reason. Same for school! (except for different hours). And dress code -- just like you can't show up to work in flip-flops and athleisure wear, you can't come to school wearing your Superman costume -- and the dress code is much more lax than professional office wear.

Again, you seem to have unusual issues around school and you should work on it before child enters K.

Really? I feel like my business casual dress code is much more lax - I don't have to wear a belt, button up shirt, or closed-toed shoes, for example. DD is pretty upset about the buttons and in tears about the belt - she doesn't like them around her waist. And yes, if I'm 5-10 "late", no one cares, because I've got a smartphone and am an exempt employee. I'm not written up, especially if there's even the most tenuous of excuses (crap, had a flat tire). Flat tire and DD is late? It's written down and she gets in trouble. I don't know, maybe I'm lucky, but most salaried people don't strict hours, no. I've also got 8+ weeks of sick time in addition to vacation. DD can miss 10 days (excused too!) before she's not allowed to progress to the next grade. It's all very strict, and I guess I'm just really missing the freedom I used to have.

So you have these issues and you purposefully chose a private school that had a strict uniform policy and attendance policy? Then this is all on you. Why would you choose such a school? My DC attends a private and they can wear whatever they want within reason (probably not a costume or a swimsuit). Yes, they are supposed to be there, but if my DC had a long illness that results in her missing more school, they would work with her. If she was missing 8+ weeks because of illness, I would probably agree that she needs to repeat (and I'd just be happy that she had recovered because that would be a major illness).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...how do you deal with reliving them when your children hit kindergarten?

I know this sounds crazy, but I wasn't a happy person until college. I hate being at someone's beck and call, I hated all the rules, I just hated it. I followed the rules, each and every one, but I was miserable doing it. I loved the freedom that college and a professional job provided. Show up two minutes later because of traffic? No big deal! Strep throat? Take the day off and sleep!

My my oldest is starting K, and I'm dreading everything about it. I don't know how to get her to school on time, because there are so many variables. And yes, I'm the person always 10 minutes early for everything, but when you introduce a child into the mix, well, I can't 100% control another person. She's already complaining about the dress code, and I'm in tears almost every night thinking of the phone calls I'm going to get. I suppose I had forgotten that schools has such a strict attendance policy, and you can be kicked out for a certain number of excused absences (a really low number). It's honestly like going through my childhood years all over again.

Anyway, that's it. Just pure dread. Was anyone happy as an adult, then had to face childhood issues again once their kids grew up? How do you deal with it?

This doesn't happen at public school. There is no number of excused absences where they will kick your DC out or make your DC repeat.

It's a private school. And yeah - people told me the local public schools have the same 10 day rule. You can appeal it, but that's the rule.

I suppose you aren't local then.

Don't send your DC to that private school if you hate the uniforms and the strictness. If you're paying for a school, pay for a school that you don't hate.

Well, I hated the rules at the public school even more, and DH insisted on private. Which isn't really the debate. How do you go back to dealing with severe restrictions after 15 years of not really having any? And yes, having a 5 year old written up for being 2 minutes late for a reason that's totally acceptable at work is severe. I mean, she can't control the traffic or if I oversleep or drop a contact and take an extra 5 minutes getting ready. This is all on me, and I'm super anxious about it.

She doesn't get written up, it just gets marked as late. Nothing happens. They don't make her stand in a corner or slap her wrist (if they do, take her out of that school). Work on your anxiety issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You may want to work on those issues. It's not that bad. Really, how is school so different from work? Yes, your child needs to be there most days but the number of absences allowed is not that low. Are you allowed to just come to work whenever you feel like it? No, you are generally expected to be there M-F from 9-5 or whatever unless you have a good reason. Same for school! (except for different hours). And dress code -- just like you can't show up to work in flip-flops and athleisure wear, you can't come to school wearing your Superman costume -- and the dress code is much more lax than professional office wear.

Again, you seem to have unusual issues around school and you should work on it before child enters K.

Really? I feel like my business casual dress code is much more lax - I don't have to wear a belt, button up shirt, or closed-toed shoes, for example. DD is pretty upset about the buttons and in tears about the belt - she doesn't like them around her waist. And yes, if I'm 5-10 "late", no one cares, because I've got a smartphone and am an exempt employee. I'm not written up, especially if there's even the most tenuous of excuses (crap, had a flat tire). Flat tire and DD is late? It's written down and she gets in trouble. I don't know, maybe I'm lucky, but most salaried people don't strict hours, no. I've also got 8+ weeks of sick time in addition to vacation. DD can miss 10 days (excused too!) before she's not allowed to progress to the next grade. It's all very strict, and I guess I'm just really missing the freedom I used to have.

I think you really need to consider therapy. You are crying almost every night because you are imagining that you are going to get a lot of phone calls because your kid doesn't like the uniform? You are freaking out about something that you have over a month to prepare for? This is not normal. Millions of people manage to get their kids to school on time. You develop a routine, you practice it a couple of times, and you make sure you have a little extra time built into the mornings. Unless your child has health issues, she highly unlikely to miss more than ten days (which is two weeks) of school because of illness. If you don't like the uniforms, don't send your kid to that school. Or let her wear it from time to time to get used to how it feels. This is all logistics and attitude, not existential stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You may want to work on those issues. It's not that bad. Really, how is school so different from work? Yes, your child needs to be there most days but the number of absences allowed is not that low. Are you allowed to just come to work whenever you feel like it? No, you are generally expected to be there M-F from 9-5 or whatever unless you have a good reason. Same for school! (except for different hours). And dress code -- just like you can't show up to work in flip-flops and athleisure wear, you can't come to school wearing your Superman costume -- and the dress code is much more lax than professional office wear.

Again, you seem to have unusual issues around school and you should work on it before child enters K.

Really? I feel like my business casual dress code is much more lax - I don't have to wear a belt, button up shirt, or closed-toed shoes, for example. DD is pretty upset about the buttons and in tears about the belt - she doesn't like them around her waist. And yes, if I'm 5-10 "late", no one cares, because I've got a smartphone and am an exempt employee. I'm not written up, especially if there's even the most tenuous of excuses (crap, had a flat tire). Flat tire and DD is late? It's written down and she gets in trouble. I don't know, maybe I'm lucky, but most salaried people don't strict hours, no. I've also got 8+ weeks of sick time in addition to vacation. DD can miss 10 days (excused too!) before she's not allowed to progress to the next grade. It's all very strict, and I guess I'm just really missing the freedom I used to have.

So you have these issues and you purposefully chose a private school that had a strict uniform policy and attendance policy? Then this is all on you. Why would you choose such a school? My DC attends a private and they can wear whatever they want within reason (probably not a costume or a swimsuit). Yes, they are supposed to be there, but if my DC had a long illness that results in her missing more school, they would work with her. If she was missing 8+ weeks because of illness, I would probably agree that she needs to repeat (and I'd just be happy that she had recovered because that would be a major illness).

Again, the local public schools are much the same. 10+ days and you're in the office begging them to let DC graduate to the next grade, and belts are required (why belts? i've literally never worn a belt).

I mean, DH is military, and I get FMLA to see him off and welcome him back from a deployment! Plus mid-tour leave, if he gets it. DD won't get that chance to spend time with him like that, because we need to save her 10 days for the flu and dentist appointments and whatever. It's truly restrictive. I know I don't have a choice, I just need ot know how to get through it.