If you hated your own school years..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...how do you deal with reliving them when your children hit kindergarten?

I know this sounds crazy, but I wasn't a happy person until college. I hate being at someone's beck and call, I hated all the rules, I just hated it. I followed the rules, each and every one, but I was miserable doing it. I loved the freedom that college and a professional job provided. Show up two minutes later because of traffic? No big deal! Strep throat? Take the day off and sleep!

My my oldest is starting K, and I'm dreading everything about it. I don't know how to get her to school on time, because there are so many variables. And yes, I'm the person always 10 minutes early for everything, but when you introduce a child into the mix, well, I can't 100% control another person. She's already complaining about the dress code, and I'm in tears almost every night thinking of the phone calls I'm going to get. I suppose I had forgotten that schools has such a strict attendance policy, and you can be kicked out for a certain number of excused absences (a really low number). It's honestly like going through my childhood years all over again.

Anyway, that's it. Just pure dread. Was anyone happy as an adult, then had to face childhood issues again once their kids grew up? How do you deal with it?

This doesn't happen at public school. There is no number of excused absences where they will kick your DC out or make your DC repeat.

It's a private school. And yeah - people told me the local public schools have the same 10 day rule. You can appeal it, but that's the rule.

I suppose you aren't local then.

Don't send your DC to that private school if you hate the uniforms and the strictness. If you're paying for a school, pay for a school that you don't hate.

Well, I hated the rules at the public school even more, and DH insisted on private. Which isn't really the debate. How do you go back to dealing with severe restrictions after 15 years of not really having any? And yes, having a 5 year old written up for being 2 minutes late for a reason that's totally acceptable at work is severe. I mean, she can't control the traffic or if I oversleep or drop a contact and take an extra 5 minutes getting ready. This is all on me, and I'm super anxious about it.

She doesn't get written up, it just gets marked as late. Nothing happens. They don't make her stand in a corner or slap her wrist (if they do, take her out of that school). Work on your anxiety issues.

Marked as late IS written up. And it's not her fault. That just kills me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You may want to work on those issues. It's not that bad. Really, how is school so different from work? Yes, your child needs to be there most days but the number of absences allowed is not that low. Are you allowed to just come to work whenever you feel like it? No, you are generally expected to be there M-F from 9-5 or whatever unless you have a good reason. Same for school! (except for different hours). And dress code -- just like you can't show up to work in flip-flops and athleisure wear, you can't come to school wearing your Superman costume -- and the dress code is much more lax than professional office wear.

Again, you seem to have unusual issues around school and you should work on it before child enters K.

Really? I feel like my business casual dress code is much more lax - I don't have to wear a belt, button up shirt, or closed-toed shoes, for example. DD is pretty upset about the buttons and in tears about the belt - she doesn't like them around her waist. And yes, if I'm 5-10 "late", no one cares, because I've got a smartphone and am an exempt employee. I'm not written up, especially if there's even the most tenuous of excuses (crap, had a flat tire). Flat tire and DD is late? It's written down and she gets in trouble. I don't know, maybe I'm lucky, but most salaried people don't strict hours, no. I've also got 8+ weeks of sick time in addition to vacation. DD can miss 10 days (excused too!) before she's not allowed to progress to the next grade. It's all very strict, and I guess I'm just really missing the freedom I used to have.

I think you really need to consider therapy. You are crying almost every night because you are imagining that you are going to get a lot of phone calls because your kid doesn't like the uniform? You are freaking out about something that you have over a month to prepare for? This is not normal. Millions of people manage to get their kids to school on time. You develop a routine, you practice it a couple of times, and you make sure you have a little extra time built into the mornings. Unless your child has health issues, she highly unlikely to miss more than ten days (which is two weeks) of school because of illness. If you don't like the uniforms, don't send your kid to that school. Or let her wear it from time to time to get used to how it feels. This is all logistics and attitude, not existential stuff.

Look, I can't MAKE her wear the belt. What if she keeps taking it off? I'm not her. I can't control her. So yes, this is a huge problem. I'm being subjected to rules but don't have a say in how they're complied with. That doesn't bother anyone else?

[Anonymous]

You need to work on your anxiety. You are making a huge deal out of ... needing to get your kid to school on time. It's not rocket science. You get up early, get ready, then get your kid ready. Wake her up so that there is some cushion built into the schedule. Set out clothes and pack lunches and backpacks the night before. Keep the morning routine simple and consistent. Set a time to leave that gives you some extra travel time. If you have to sit in the car for a few minutes before drop off, so be it.

Also, the consequences for being a few minutes late are not "horrible," unless the school itself is horrible. They mark it in the attendance records. Don't catastrophize things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...how do you deal with reliving them when your children hit kindergarten?

I know this sounds crazy, but I wasn't a happy person until college. I hate being at someone's beck and call, I hated all the rules, I just hated it. I followed the rules, each and every one, but I was miserable doing it. I loved the freedom that college and a professional job provided. Show up two minutes later because of traffic? No big deal! Strep throat? Take the day off and sleep!

My my oldest is starting K, and I'm dreading everything about it. I don't know how to get her to school on time, because there are so many variables. And yes, I'm the person always 10 minutes early for everything, but when you introduce a child into the mix, well, I can't 100% control another person. She's already complaining about the dress code, and I'm in tears almost every night thinking of the phone calls I'm going to get. I suppose I had forgotten that schools has such a strict attendance policy, and you can be kicked out for a certain number of excused absences (a really low number). It's honestly like going through my childhood years all over again.

Anyway, that's it. Just pure dread. Was anyone happy as an adult, then had to face childhood issues again once their kids grew up? How do you deal with it?

This doesn't happen at public school. There is no number of excused absences where they will kick your DC out or make your DC repeat.

It's a private school. And yeah - people told me the local public schools have the same 10 day rule. You can appeal it, but that's the rule.

I suppose you aren't local then.

Don't send your DC to that private school if you hate the uniforms and the strictness. If you're paying for a school, pay for a school that you don't hate.

Well, I hated the rules at the public school even more, and DH insisted on private. Which isn't really the debate. How do you go back to dealing with severe restrictions after 15 years of not really having any? And yes, having a 5 year old written up for being 2 minutes late for a reason that's totally acceptable at work is severe. I mean, she can't control the traffic or if I oversleep or drop a contact and take an extra 5 minutes getting ready. This is all on me, and I'm super anxious about it.

She doesn't get written up, it just gets marked as late. Nothing happens. They don't make her stand in a corner or slap her wrist (if they do, take her out of that school). Work on your anxiety issues.

Marked as late IS written up. And it's not her fault. That just kills me.

And I'm saying that doesn't matter. Who cares if it says "late arrival" on October 4 in her record? There is no punishment. Work on your anxiety issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:...how do you deal with reliving them when your children hit kindergarten?

I know this sounds crazy, but I wasn't a happy person until college. I hate being at someone's beck and call, I hated all the rules, I just hated it. I followed the rules, each and every one, but I was miserable doing it. I loved the freedom that college and a professional job provided. Show up two minutes later because of traffic? No big deal! Strep throat? Take the day off and sleep!

My my oldest is starting K, and I'm dreading everything about it. I don't know how to get her to school on time, because there are so many variables. And yes, I'm the person always 10 minutes early for everything, but when you introduce a child into the mix, well, I can't 100% control another person. She's already complaining about the dress code, and I'm in tears almost every night thinking of the phone calls I'm going to get. I suppose I had forgotten that schools has such a strict attendance policy, and you can be kicked out for a certain number of excused absences (a really low number). It's honestly like going through my childhood years all over again.

Anyway, that's it. Just pure dread. Was anyone happy as an adult, then had to face childhood issues again once their kids grew up? How do you deal with it?

This doesn't happen at public school. There is no number of excused absences where they will kick your DC out or make your DC repeat.

It's a private school. And yeah - people told me the local public schools have the same 10 day rule. You can appeal it, but that's the rule.

I suppose you aren't local then.

Don't send your DC to that private school if you hate the uniforms and the strictness. If you're paying for a school, pay for a school that you don't hate.

Well, I hated the rules at the public school even more, and DH insisted on private. Which isn't really the debate. How do you go back to dealing with severe restrictions after 15 years of not really having any? And yes, having a 5 year old written up for being 2 minutes late for a reason that's totally acceptable at work is severe. I mean, she can't control the traffic or if I oversleep or drop a contact and take an extra 5 minutes getting ready. This is all on me, and I'm super anxious about it.

She doesn't get written up, it just gets marked as late. Nothing happens. They don't make her stand in a corner or slap her wrist (if they do, take her out of that school). Work on your anxiety issues.

Marked as late IS written up. And it's not her fault. That just kills me.

And I'm saying that doesn't matter. Who cares if it says "late arrival" on October 4 in her record? There is no punishment. Work on your anxiety issues.

Why write it down if there's no punishment? Of course there's punishment if it happens enough (and enough in this area is rather low, it seems).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You may want to work on those issues. It's not that bad. Really, how is school so different from work? Yes, your child needs to be there most days but the number of absences allowed is not that low. Are you allowed to just come to work whenever you feel like it? No, you are generally expected to be there M-F from 9-5 or whatever unless you have a good reason. Same for school! (except for different hours). And dress code -- just like you can't show up to work in flip-flops and athleisure wear, you can't come to school wearing your Superman costume -- and the dress code is much more lax than professional office wear.

Again, you seem to have unusual issues around school and you should work on it before child enters K.

Really? I feel like my business casual dress code is much more lax - I don't have to wear a belt, button up shirt, or closed-toed shoes, for example. DD is pretty upset about the buttons and in tears about the belt - she doesn't like them around her waist. And yes, if I'm 5-10 "late", no one cares, because I've got a smartphone and am an exempt employee. I'm not written up, especially if there's even the most tenuous of excuses (crap, had a flat tire). Flat tire and DD is late? It's written down and she gets in trouble. I don't know, maybe I'm lucky, but most salaried people don't strict hours, no. I've also got 8+ weeks of sick time in addition to vacation. DD can miss 10 days (excused too!) before she's not allowed to progress to the next grade. It's all very strict, and I guess I'm just really missing the freedom I used to have.

I think you really need to consider therapy. You are crying almost every night because you are imagining that you are going to get a lot of phone calls because your kid doesn't like the uniform? You are freaking out about something that you have over a month to prepare for? This is not normal. Millions of people manage to get their kids to school on time. You develop a routine, you practice it a couple of times, and you make sure you have a little extra time built into the mornings. Unless your child has health issues, she highly unlikely to miss more than ten days (which is two weeks) of school because of illness. If you don't like the uniforms, don't send your kid to that school. Or let her wear it from time to time to get used to how it feels. This is all logistics and attitude, not existential stuff.

Look, I can't MAKE her wear the belt. What if she keeps taking it off? I'm not her. I can't control her. So yes, this is a huge problem. I'm being subjected to rules but don't have a say in how they're complied with. That doesn't bother anyone else?

No. You really do need therapy. It "kills" you that your kid might get marked as tardy? You think her possibly taking off her belt is a "huge problem"? Your life must be really, really, really easy if this is the stuff that freaks you out. This is normal stuff. People figure out how to deal with it. It is not normal or healthy to be so anxious about this. There are a lot of "what-ifs" that are making you cry, but they are just "what ifs." They aren't actually happening. They might not happen. You can focus on making plans for the morning routine that simplify and streamline things, or you can obsess over her belt. Your choice. But only one of those choices is healthy or constructive.

[Anonymous]

If your DH is the one insisting on that private school, let him deal with getting her there on time and answering the calls from school if she takes her belt off.

But usually even strict private schools cut the K's a little slack with the uniform. There are the rules as written in the handbook, and there's what actually happens in the classroom. The littlest kids don't usually get in trouble for doing what kids do to their clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You may want to work on those issues. It's not that bad. Really, how is school so different from work? Yes, your child needs to be there most days but the number of absences allowed is not that low. Are you allowed to just come to work whenever you feel like it? No, you are generally expected to be there M-F from 9-5 or whatever unless you have a good reason. Same for school! (except for different hours). And dress code -- just like you can't show up to work in flip-flops and athleisure wear, you can't come to school wearing your Superman costume -- and the dress code is much more lax than professional office wear.

Again, you seem to have unusual issues around school and you should work on it before child enters K.

Really? I feel like my business casual dress code is much more lax - I don't have to wear a belt, button up shirt, or closed-toed shoes, for example. DD is pretty upset about the buttons and in tears about the belt - she doesn't like them around her waist. And yes, if I'm 5-10 "late", no one cares, because I've got a smartphone and am an exempt employee. I'm not written up, especially if there's even the most tenuous of excuses (crap, had a flat tire). Flat tire and DD is late? It's written down and she gets in trouble. I don't know, maybe I'm lucky, but most salaried people don't strict hours, no. I've also got 8+ weeks of sick time in addition to vacation. DD can miss 10 days (excused too!) before she's not allowed to progress to the next grade. It's all very strict, and I guess I'm just really missing the freedom I used to have.

I think you really need to consider therapy. You are crying almost every night because you are imagining that you are going to get a lot of phone calls because your kid doesn't like the uniform? You are freaking out about something that you have over a month to prepare for? This is not normal. Millions of people manage to get their kids to school on time. You develop a routine, you practice it a couple of times, and you make sure you have a little extra time built into the mornings. Unless your child has health issues, she highly unlikely to miss more than ten days (which is two weeks) of school because of illness. If you don't like the uniforms, don't send your kid to that school. Or let her wear it from time to time to get used to how it feels. This is all logistics and attitude, not existential stuff.

Look, I can't MAKE her wear the belt. What if she keeps taking it off? I'm not her. I can't control her. So yes, this is a huge problem. I'm being subjected to rules but don't have a say in how they're complied with. That doesn't bother anyone else?

No. You really do need therapy. It "kills" you that your kid might get marked as tardy? You think her possibly taking off her belt is a "huge problem"? Your life must be really, really, really easy if this is the stuff that freaks you out. This is normal stuff. People figure out how to deal with it. It is not normal or healthy to be so anxious about this. There are a lot of "what-ifs" that are making you cry, but they are just "what ifs." They aren't actually happening. They might not happen. You can focus on making plans for the morning routine that simplify and streamline things, or you can obsess over her belt. Your choice. But only one of those choices is healthy or constructive.

I don't need therapy. I need to follow the rules. But when the rules become draconian and I can't actually follow them because complying depends on other people's actions (DD), then yeah, it's a huge problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your DH is the one insisting on that private school, let him deal with getting her there on time and answering the calls from school if she takes her belt off.

But usually even strict private schools cut the K's a little slack with the uniform. There are the rules as written in the handbook, and there's what actually happens in the classroom. The littlest kids don't usually get in trouble for doing what kids do to their clothes.

Then why have rules in the handbook?

DH is gone most of the time. This falls to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You may want to work on those issues. It's not that bad. Really, how is school so different from work? Yes, your child needs to be there most days but the number of absences allowed is not that low. Are you allowed to just come to work whenever you feel like it? No, you are generally expected to be there M-F from 9-5 or whatever unless you have a good reason. Same for school! (except for different hours). And dress code -- just like you can't show up to work in flip-flops and athleisure wear, you can't come to school wearing your Superman costume -- and the dress code is much more lax than professional office wear.

Again, you seem to have unusual issues around school and you should work on it before child enters K.

Really? I feel like my business casual dress code is much more lax - I don't have to wear a belt, button up shirt, or closed-toed shoes, for example. DD is pretty upset about the buttons and in tears about the belt - she doesn't like them around her waist. And yes, if I'm 5-10 "late", no one cares, because I've got a smartphone and am an exempt employee. I'm not written up, especially if there's even the most tenuous of excuses (crap, had a flat tire). Flat tire and DD is late? It's written down and she gets in trouble. I don't know, maybe I'm lucky, but most salaried people don't strict hours, no. I've also got 8+ weeks of sick time in addition to vacation. DD can miss 10 days (excused too!) before she's not allowed to progress to the next grade. It's all very strict, and I guess I'm just really missing the freedom I used to have.

I think you really need to consider therapy. You are crying almost every night because you are imagining that you are going to get a lot of phone calls because your kid doesn't like the uniform? You are freaking out about something that you have over a month to prepare for? This is not normal. Millions of people manage to get their kids to school on time. You develop a routine, you practice it a couple of times, and you make sure you have a little extra time built into the mornings. Unless your child has health issues, she highly unlikely to miss more than ten days (which is two weeks) of school because of illness. If you don't like the uniforms, don't send your kid to that school. Or let her wear it from time to time to get used to how it feels. This is all logistics and attitude, not existential stuff.

Look, I can't MAKE her wear the belt. What if she keeps taking it off? I'm not her. I can't control her. So yes, this is a huge problem. I'm being subjected to rules but don't have a say in how they're complied with. That doesn't bother anyone else?

No. You really do need therapy. It "kills" you that your kid might get marked as tardy? You think her possibly taking off her belt is a "huge problem"? Your life must be really, really, really easy if this is the stuff that freaks you out. This is normal stuff. People figure out how to deal with it. It is not normal or healthy to be so anxious about this. There are a lot of "what-ifs" that are making you cry, but they are just "what ifs." They aren't actually happening. They might not happen. You can focus on making plans for the morning routine that simplify and streamline things, or you can obsess over her belt. Your choice. But only one of those choices is healthy or constructive.

I don't need therapy. I need to follow the rules. But when the rules become draconian and I can't actually follow them because complying depends on other people's actions (DD), then yeah, it's a huge problem.

This is not a huge problem.

Pretend to be your mother. How did she get you to school on time? How did she feel?

[Anonymous]

Just home school...

[Anonymous]

Did your DC go to preschool?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH is the one insisting on that private school, let him deal with getting her there on time and answering the calls from school if she takes her belt off.

But usually even strict private schools cut the K's a little slack with the uniform. There are the rules as written in the handbook, and there's what actually happens in the classroom. The littlest kids don't usually get in trouble for doing what kids do to their clothes.

Then why have rules in the handbook?

DH is gone most of the time. This falls to me.

Then you enroll her somewhere else and tell your husband to suck it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You may want to work on those issues. It's not that bad. Really, how is school so different from work? Yes, your child needs to be there most days but the number of absences allowed is not that low. Are you allowed to just come to work whenever you feel like it? No, you are generally expected to be there M-F from 9-5 or whatever unless you have a good reason. Same for school! (except for different hours). And dress code -- just like you can't show up to work in flip-flops and athleisure wear, you can't come to school wearing your Superman costume -- and the dress code is much more lax than professional office wear.

Again, you seem to have unusual issues around school and you should work on it before child enters K.

Really? I feel like my business casual dress code is much more lax - I don't have to wear a belt, button up shirt, or closed-toed shoes, for example. DD is pretty upset about the buttons and in tears about the belt - she doesn't like them around her waist. And yes, if I'm 5-10 "late", no one cares, because I've got a smartphone and am an exempt employee. I'm not written up, especially if there's even the most tenuous of excuses (crap, had a flat tire). Flat tire and DD is late? It's written down and she gets in trouble. I don't know, maybe I'm lucky, but most salaried people don't strict hours, no. I've also got 8+ weeks of sick time in addition to vacation. DD can miss 10 days (excused too!) before she's not allowed to progress to the next grade. It's all very strict, and I guess I'm just really missing the freedom I used to have.

I think you really need to consider therapy. You are crying almost every night because you are imagining that you are going to get a lot of phone calls because your kid doesn't like the uniform? You are freaking out about something that you have over a month to prepare for? This is not normal. Millions of people manage to get their kids to school on time. You develop a routine, you practice it a couple of times, and you make sure you have a little extra time built into the mornings. Unless your child has health issues, she highly unlikely to miss more than ten days (which is two weeks) of school because of illness. If you don't like the uniforms, don't send your kid to that school. Or let her wear it from time to time to get used to how it feels. This is all logistics and attitude, not existential stuff.

Look, I can't MAKE her wear the belt. What if she keeps taking it off? I'm not her. I can't control her. So yes, this is a huge problem. I'm being subjected to rules but don't have a say in how they're complied with. That doesn't bother anyone else?

No. You really do need therapy. It "kills" you that your kid might get marked as tardy? You think her possibly taking off her belt is a "huge problem"? Your life must be really, really, really easy if this is the stuff that freaks you out. This is normal stuff. People figure out how to deal with it. It is not normal or healthy to be so anxious about this. There are a lot of "what-ifs" that are making you cry, but they are just "what ifs." They aren't actually happening. They might not happen. You can focus on making plans for the morning routine that simplify and streamline things, or you can obsess over her belt. Your choice. But only one of those choices is healthy or constructive.

I don't need therapy. I need to follow the rules. But when the rules become draconian and I can't actually follow them because complying depends on other people's actions (DD), then yeah, it's a huge problem.

This is not a huge problem.

Pretend to be your mother. How did she get you to school on time? How did she feel?

She didn't need to. Like I said, I'm always early for everything, and I never broke the rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH is the one insisting on that private school, let him deal with getting her there on time and answering the calls from school if she takes her belt off.

But usually even strict private schools cut the K's a little slack with the uniform. There are the rules as written in the handbook, and there's what actually happens in the classroom. The littlest kids don't usually get in trouble for doing what kids do to their clothes.

Then why have rules in the handbook?

DH is gone most of the time. This falls to me.

Ah, so you don't actually want advice or to fix things, you just want to bitch and moan about how terrible it is that your child has to attend school on time and wear a uniform. Well, good luck with the school year!