If you hated your own school years..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did your DC go to preschool?

Yes, but at a daycare. No one cared if she was late or I had to take her out for a doctor appointment or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You may want to work on those issues. It's not that bad. Really, how is school so different from work? Yes, your child needs to be there most days but the number of absences allowed is not that low. Are you allowed to just come to work whenever you feel like it? No, you are generally expected to be there M-F from 9-5 or whatever unless you have a good reason. Same for school! (except for different hours). And dress code -- just like you can't show up to work in flip-flops and athleisure wear, you can't come to school wearing your Superman costume -- and the dress code is much more lax than professional office wear.

Again, you seem to have unusual issues around school and you should work on it before child enters K.

Really? I feel like my business casual dress code is much more lax - I don't have to wear a belt, button up shirt, or closed-toed shoes, for example. DD is pretty upset about the buttons and in tears about the belt - she doesn't like them around her waist. And yes, if I'm 5-10 "late", no one cares, because I've got a smartphone and am an exempt employee. I'm not written up, especially if there's even the most tenuous of excuses (crap, had a flat tire). Flat tire and DD is late? It's written down and she gets in trouble. I don't know, maybe I'm lucky, but most salaried people don't strict hours, no. I've also got 8+ weeks of sick time in addition to vacation. DD can miss 10 days (excused too!) before she's not allowed to progress to the next grade. It's all very strict, and I guess I'm just really missing the freedom I used to have.

I think you really need to consider therapy. You are crying almost every night because you are imagining that you are going to get a lot of phone calls because your kid doesn't like the uniform? You are freaking out about something that you have over a month to prepare for? This is not normal. Millions of people manage to get their kids to school on time. You develop a routine, you practice it a couple of times, and you make sure you have a little extra time built into the mornings. Unless your child has health issues, she highly unlikely to miss more than ten days (which is two weeks) of school because of illness. If you don't like the uniforms, don't send your kid to that school. Or let her wear it from time to time to get used to how it feels. This is all logistics and attitude, not existential stuff.

Look, I can't MAKE her wear the belt. What if she keeps taking it off? I'm not her. I can't control her. So yes, this is a huge problem. I'm being subjected to rules but don't have a say in how they're complied with. That doesn't bother anyone else?

No. You really do need therapy. It "kills" you that your kid might get marked as tardy? You think her possibly taking off her belt is a "huge problem"? Your life must be really, really, really easy if this is the stuff that freaks you out. This is normal stuff. People figure out how to deal with it. It is not normal or healthy to be so anxious about this. There are a lot of "what-ifs" that are making you cry, but they are just "what ifs." They aren't actually happening. They might not happen. You can focus on making plans for the morning routine that simplify and streamline things, or you can obsess over her belt. Your choice. But only one of those choices is healthy or constructive.

I don't need therapy. I need to follow the rules. But when the rules become draconian and I can't actually follow them because complying depends on other people's actions (DD), then yeah, it's a huge problem.

It really, really, really isn't. "Draconian"? Really? But it's pretty clear that you are determined to be anxious and unhappy, and that nothing anyone says is going to make you rethink that. People actually have made suggestions about morning routines, etc., and you just want to be miserable. So enjoy crying every day for the rest of the summer because you insist on borrowing trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH is the one insisting on that private school, let him deal with getting her there on time and answering the calls from school if she takes her belt off.

But usually even strict private schools cut the K's a little slack with the uniform. There are the rules as written in the handbook, and there's what actually happens in the classroom. The littlest kids don't usually get in trouble for doing what kids do to their clothes.

Then why have rules in the handbook?

DH is gone most of the time. This falls to me.

Ah, so you don't actually want advice or to fix things, you just want to bitch and moan about how terrible it is that your child has to attend school on time and wear a uniform. Well, good luck with the school year!

So you give bad advice then blame me for not taking it? Weird. I'm glad your spouse is around.

[Anonymous]

Rules like those are in the handbook so that egregious flouting of the rules can be subject to consequences. If you are sending your 6 yo to a school that PUNISHES kids for being late occasionally, that is on you. 1. You need to be more responsible about timeliness. 2. You need to not send your child to a school with such strict standards if you don't intend to conform to them.

I would totally understand if you were saying that you felt your young child should be playing more and not doing worksheets, or whatever. But sending your kid to a private school with a strict dress code, and then complaining about that dress code, makes no sense.

To get to the larger issue: My sister hated school until college (which she loved). She was bullied in middle school, routinely cut high school, etc. When she had kids, she homeschooled/unschooled them. That was a choice she made, based on her own experiences. You could do that, too, though it isn't compatible with a full-time job. But what you can't reasonably do is complain about the clearly stated rules at a school you voluntarily send your kid to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

No. You really do need therapy. It "kills" you that your kid might get marked as tardy? You think her possibly taking off her belt is a "huge problem"? Your life must be really, really, really easy if this is the stuff that freaks you out. This is normal stuff. People figure out how to deal with it. It is not normal or healthy to be so anxious about this. There are a lot of "what-ifs" that are making you cry, but they are just "what ifs." They aren't actually happening. They might not happen. You can focus on making plans for the morning routine that simplify and streamline things, or you can obsess over her belt. Your choice. But only one of those choices is healthy or constructive.

I don't need therapy. I need to follow the rules. But when the rules become draconian and I can't actually follow them because complying depends on other people's actions (DD), then yeah, it's a huge problem.

It really, really, really isn't. "Draconian"? Really? But it's pretty clear that you are determined to be anxious and unhappy, and that nothing anyone says is going to make you rethink that. People actually have made suggestions about morning routines, etc., and you just want to be miserable. So enjoy crying every day for the rest of the summer because you insist on borrowing trouble.

Having to be at a certain place -10/+0 minutes is draconian. I'm sorry, but it simply is. Real life isn't like this unless you punch a time clock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

No. You really do need therapy. It "kills" you that your kid might get marked as tardy? You think her possibly taking off her belt is a "huge problem"? Your life must be really, really, really easy if this is the stuff that freaks you out. This is normal stuff. People figure out how to deal with it. It is not normal or healthy to be so anxious about this. There are a lot of "what-ifs" that are making you cry, but they are just "what ifs." They aren't actually happening. They might not happen. You can focus on making plans for the morning routine that simplify and streamline things, or you can obsess over her belt. Your choice. But only one of those choices is healthy or constructive.

I don't need therapy. I need to follow the rules. But when the rules become draconian and I can't actually follow them because complying depends on other people's actions (DD), then yeah, it's a huge problem.

It really, really, really isn't. "Draconian"? Really? But it's pretty clear that you are determined to be anxious and unhappy, and that nothing anyone says is going to make you rethink that. People actually have made suggestions about morning routines, etc., and you just want to be miserable. So enjoy crying every day for the rest of the summer because you insist on borrowing trouble.

Having to be at a certain place -10/+0 minutes is draconian. I'm sorry, but it simply is. Real life isn't like this unless you punch a time clock.

Yes, it is. Most people are expected to keep a schedule

[Anonymous]

I completely understand how you feel. It does feel like society has changed -- people wear business casual, work from home, etc. but school is still the same as it was in the 1950's.

I had a kid with sensory issues who actually did remove clothing during class, refused to have her hair brushed, etc. If your kid is a bit quirky, then they're probably going to mature late. All of the morning weirdness had mostly worn off by the time he was 8 or so, but before then the struggle was real.
And people who don't have kids like this mostly just judge and have no sympathy.
And the kind of people who become teachers -- because they like rules and enforcing rules, and being social -- don't often get how difficult school is for quirky introverted kids and their their parents. I hated the noise at school, the large crowds of kids, the gritty gym floor, having to go to school when you were coming down with a cold and being marched around with the other kids. It really is amazing how little anything has changed.

My kids are older now and we moved a couple of times with the military. By the third move, I had figured out what my kids needed and was able to choose the school which was best for them -- lots of recess, time spent outdoors, kids (not parents) doing their own science fair projects, a more laidback vibe (no chess club, etc.)
A bad match between the school and you and your child, however, is something that needs to be addressed. It would be really hard to just suck it up and conform.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH is the one insisting on that private school, let him deal with getting her there on time and answering the calls from school if she takes her belt off.

But usually even strict private schools cut the K's a little slack with the uniform. There are the rules as written in the handbook, and there's what actually happens in the classroom. The littlest kids don't usually get in trouble for doing what kids do to their clothes.

Then why have rules in the handbook?

DH is gone most of the time. This falls to me.

Ah, so you don't actually want advice or to fix things, you just want to bitch and moan about how terrible it is that your child has to attend school on time and wear a uniform. Well, good luck with the school year!

So you give bad advice then blame me for not taking it? Weird. I'm glad your spouse is around.

There's someone weird on this thread, and it isn't the PP. People have tried to give you advice and reassure you, and you are just digging in your heels and frankly, being a bitch about it (the PP had no way of knowing that your husband is absentee). Look, no one is going to agree with you that expecting kids to be on time to school and wear a uniform is unreasonable or draconian or worthy of the stress and anxiety it is causing you. It's just not. Your unhappiness about this is totally disproportionate. Your kid will learn to deal with the uniform. You will figure out how to get her to school on time. Millions of people do this all the time. You can choose to be practical and deal with this, or you can choose to be anxious and resentful and stressed and unhappy. It's totally up to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rules like those are in the handbook so that egregious flouting of the rules can be subject to consequences. If you are sending your 6 yo to a school that PUNISHES kids for being late occasionally, that is on you. 1. You need to be more responsible about timeliness. 2. You need to not send your child to a school with such strict standards if you don't intend to conform to them.

I would totally understand if you were saying that you felt your young child should be playing more and not doing worksheets, or whatever. But sending your kid to a private school with a strict dress code, and then complaining about that dress code, makes no sense.

To get to the larger issue: My sister hated school until college (which she loved). She was bullied in middle school, routinely cut high school, etc. When she had kids, she homeschooled/unschooled them. That was a choice she made, based on her own experiences. You could do that, too, though it isn't compatible with a full-time job. But what you can't reasonably do is complain about the clearly stated rules at a school you voluntarily send your kid to.

I think you're missing the point. I'm ok with the dress code, but DD is not. But since I'm not physically in her body, I can't stop her from breaking the rules. I cannot, every morning, dress her myself and carry her out the door so she's at school on time. I cannot make sure the base isn't closed down and I'm trapped on it and can't get off to take her to school. Yes, that's an unexcused absence! There is so much outside of my control, and I don't know how I'm supposed ot comply with all these rules when I truly have no control.

So...besides homeschooling, since I work, how do I handle this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

No. You really do need therapy. It "kills" you that your kid might get marked as tardy? You think her possibly taking off her belt is a "huge problem"? Your life must be really, really, really easy if this is the stuff that freaks you out. This is normal stuff. People figure out how to deal with it. It is not normal or healthy to be so anxious about this. There are a lot of "what-ifs" that are making you cry, but they are just "what ifs." They aren't actually happening. They might not happen. You can focus on making plans for the morning routine that simplify and streamline things, or you can obsess over her belt. Your choice. But only one of those choices is healthy or constructive.

I don't need therapy. I need to follow the rules. But when the rules become draconian and I can't actually follow them because complying depends on other people's actions (DD), then yeah, it's a huge problem.

It really, really, really isn't. "Draconian"? Really? But it's pretty clear that you are determined to be anxious and unhappy, and that nothing anyone says is going to make you rethink that. People actually have made suggestions about morning routines, etc., and you just want to be miserable. So enjoy crying every day for the rest of the summer because you insist on borrowing trouble.

Having to be at a certain place -10/+0 minutes is draconian. I'm sorry, but it simply is. Real life isn't like this unless you punch a time clock.

Yes, it is. Most people are expected to keep a schedule

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH is the one insisting on that private school, let him deal with getting her there on time and answering the calls from school if she takes her belt off.

But usually even strict private schools cut the K's a little slack with the uniform. There are the rules as written in the handbook, and there's what actually happens in the classroom. The littlest kids don't usually get in trouble for doing what kids do to their clothes.

Then why have rules in the handbook?

DH is gone most of the time. This falls to me.

Ah, so you don't actually want advice or to fix things, you just want to bitch and moan about how terrible it is that your child has to attend school on time and wear a uniform. Well, good luck with the school year!

So you give bad advice then blame me for not taking it? Weird. I'm glad your spouse is around.

There's someone weird on this thread, and it isn't the PP. People have tried to give you advice and reassure you, and you are just digging in your heels and frankly, being a bitch about it (the PP had no way of knowing that your husband is absentee). Look, no one is going to agree with you that expecting kids to be on time to school and wear a uniform is unreasonable or draconian or worthy of the stress and anxiety it is causing you. It's just not. Your unhappiness about this is totally disproportionate. Your kid will learn to deal with the uniform. You will figure out how to get her to school on time. Millions of people do this all the time. You can choose to be practical and deal with this, or you can choose to be anxious and resentful and stressed and unhappy. It's totally up to you.

I say "DH is gone most of the time. This falls to me." and you accuse me of making excuses. Um, ok.

And by the time she adjusts, she may have been expelled. She's not me. I can't control her. But I'm being punished if she breaks rules. That's not unfair to anyone else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

No. You really do need therapy. It "kills" you that your kid might get marked as tardy? You think her possibly taking off her belt is a "huge problem"? Your life must be really, really, really easy if this is the stuff that freaks you out. This is normal stuff. People figure out how to deal with it. It is not normal or healthy to be so anxious about this. There are a lot of "what-ifs" that are making you cry, but they are just "what ifs." They aren't actually happening. They might not happen. You can focus on making plans for the morning routine that simplify and streamline things, or you can obsess over her belt. Your choice. But only one of those choices is healthy or constructive.

I don't need therapy. I need to follow the rules. But when the rules become draconian and I can't actually follow them because complying depends on other people's actions (DD), then yeah, it's a huge problem.

It really, really, really isn't. "Draconian"? Really? But it's pretty clear that you are determined to be anxious and unhappy, and that nothing anyone says is going to make you rethink that. People actually have made suggestions about morning routines, etc., and you just want to be miserable. So enjoy crying every day for the rest of the summer because you insist on borrowing trouble.

Having to be at a certain place -10/+0 minutes is draconian. I'm sorry, but it simply is. Real life isn't like this unless you punch a time clock.

Yes, it is. Most people are expected to keep a schedule

Are you an hourly employee? Because most everyone else is allowed to show up 20 minutes early to make sure they're on time. The -10 min part (when the gate to dropoff opens) is really, really hard for me. I'm usually way earlier than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH is the one insisting on that private school, let him deal with getting her there on time and answering the calls from school if she takes her belt off.

But usually even strict private schools cut the K's a little slack with the uniform. There are the rules as written in the handbook, and there's what actually happens in the classroom. The littlest kids don't usually get in trouble for doing what kids do to their clothes.

Then why have rules in the handbook?

DH is gone most of the time. This falls to me.

Ah, so you don't actually want advice or to fix things, you just want to bitch and moan about how terrible it is that your child has to attend school on time and wear a uniform. Well, good luck with the school year!

So you give bad advice then blame me for not taking it? Weird. I'm glad your spouse is around.

There's someone weird on this thread, and it isn't the PP. People have tried to give you advice and reassure you, and you are just digging in your heels and frankly, being a bitch about it (the PP had no way of knowing that your husband is absentee). Look, no one is going to agree with you that expecting kids to be on time to school and wear a uniform is unreasonable or draconian or worthy of the stress and anxiety it is causing you. It's just not. Your unhappiness about this is totally disproportionate. Your kid will learn to deal with the uniform. You will figure out how to get her to school on time. Millions of people do this all the time. You can choose to be practical and deal with this, or you can choose to be anxious and resentful and stressed and unhappy. It's totally up to you.

I say "DH is gone most of the time. This falls to me." and you accuse me of making excuses. Um, ok.

And by the time she adjusts, she may have been expelled. She's not me. I can't control her. But I'm being punished if she breaks rules. That's not unfair to anyone else?

Dp. They're not going to expell a Kindergartner who takes off her belt. You're looking for someone to agree with you that it's all really terrible and catastrophic and no one does, because it's not. Deal with your anxiety issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rules like those are in the handbook so that egregious flouting of the rules can be subject to consequences. If you are sending your 6 yo to a school that PUNISHES kids for being late occasionally, that is on you. 1. You need to be more responsible about timeliness. 2. You need to not send your child to a school with such strict standards if you don't intend to conform to them.

I would totally understand if you were saying that you felt your young child should be playing more and not doing worksheets, or whatever. But sending your kid to a private school with a strict dress code, and then complaining about that dress code, makes no sense.

To get to the larger issue: My sister hated school until college (which she loved). She was bullied in middle school, routinely cut high school, etc. When she had kids, she homeschooled/unschooled them. That was a choice she made, based on her own experiences. You could do that, too, though it isn't compatible with a full-time job. But what you can't reasonably do is complain about the clearly stated rules at a school you voluntarily send your kid to.

I think you're missing the point. I'm ok with the dress code, but DD is not. But since I'm not physically in her body, I can't stop her from breaking the rules. I cannot, every morning, dress her myself and carry her out the door so she's at school on time. I cannot make sure the base isn't closed down and I'm trapped on it and can't get off to take her to school. Yes, that's an unexcused absence! There is so much outside of my control, and I don't know how I'm supposed ot comply with all these rules when I truly have no control.

So...besides homeschooling, since I work, how do I handle this?

Let the school handle it if you are unable to explain to your kid that she needs to comply like everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

No. You really do need therapy. It "kills" you that your kid might get marked as tardy? You think her possibly taking off her belt is a "huge problem"? Your life must be really, really, really easy if this is the stuff that freaks you out. This is normal stuff. People figure out how to deal with it. It is not normal or healthy to be so anxious about this. There are a lot of "what-ifs" that are making you cry, but they are just "what ifs." They aren't actually happening. They might not happen. You can focus on making plans for the morning routine that simplify and streamline things, or you can obsess over her belt. Your choice. But only one of those choices is healthy or constructive.

I don't need therapy. I need to follow the rules. But when the rules become draconian and I can't actually follow them because complying depends on other people's actions (DD), then yeah, it's a huge problem.

It really, really, really isn't. "Draconian"? Really? But it's pretty clear that you are determined to be anxious and unhappy, and that nothing anyone says is going to make you rethink that. People actually have made suggestions about morning routines, etc., and you just want to be miserable. So enjoy crying every day for the rest of the summer because you insist on borrowing trouble.

Having to be at a certain place -10/+0 minutes is draconian. I'm sorry, but it simply is. Real life isn't like this unless you punch a time clock.

Yes, it is. Most people are expected to keep a schedule

Are you an hourly employee? Because most everyone else is allowed to show up 20 minutes early to make sure they're on time. The -10 min part (when the gate to dropoff opens) is really, really hard for me. I'm usually way earlier than that.

Enroll the kid in a public school and let her ride the bus.