10 year old starting to gain weight

[Anonymous]

My DD is starting to gain weight.

It's a big issue for me. I'm overweight and gave been struggling to lose it. So I've focused on healthy habits for - I cook fresh, healthy meals and have family dinners every day. I allow her a snack once or twice a say. I buy loads of fruit and veggies. I pack healthy school lunches.

Despite all that she still developed a taste for carbs and sugar and not vegetables. Loves anything m with bread and cheese and sweets. If we're out with friends and they order pizza, she chugs down half of a medium pizza. If we're in a Mexican restaurant she fills up on chips and caso. At school she would buy herself ice cream or snack bars.

So my efforts to develop healthy are down the toilet.

I can't control what she eats outside the house and it seems she gets a lot of junk everywhere she goes. Friends will offer pizza and ice cream, camp teacher rewards then with a bag of candy, grandma will treat her to cookies, DH just bought her two containers of ice cream as a treat.

I don't know what to do.

[Anonymous]

I was a skinny kid - always ate a ton - and got chubby around ten. I had *major* body image issues after my mom made a point to shame me and restrict my eating. Looking back, it was the onset of puberty and my body changing. I skimmed down (naturally) after a few years. Point of all this being: tread carefully.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the recommendation to please tread carefully. And also recommend you work on admiring and rejoicing in your own body and model that.
I am also overweight. DD was very overweight as a kid. I taught her stupid fat restriction method and she developed unhealthy eating habits. Her aunt is also overweight but knows she is gorgeous and has a lot of fun dressing and styling herself so anyone looking at her can see how gorgeous she is. DD saw this modeled and has gone that route instead. DD is still chubby but has accepted her body as “thick” and she has plenty of dating options (and doesn’t devalue herself to think she needs she needs to ‘put out’ to be deserving of romantic attention). DD is late HS now.
I recognized I was doing damage when she started to fret too much about food so I totally stepped off. Her aunt just loved herself and DD picked up on her own that is what she wanted to emulate for herself.
Brenee Brownesque “We judge those who struggle with what we struggle with”. Too often a women’s weight is a deep wound and when we try to guide our DD’s we only guide them to feel that wound.
Good luck OP and all the best to you and your DD!

[Anonymous]

What does she do for sports and physical activities?

[Anonymous]

Go out to eat less?
You might gently explain that losing weight is not very fun, so a bit of moderation at the start prevents this.

Try to explain that it’s fine to eat pizza, but to eat slower and/or stop at 4 slices instead of 5?
Try to explain that sometimes she should choose healthy snacks - popcorn or baked chips - from the vending machine. Not all the time but sometimes.

Encourage her to bring fruit to school as a snack as well sometimes.

The key is moderation, not ‘never eating carbs and junk’.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I don’t want to damage her in any way. I do scold her off for eating too much junk and not balancing with healthy foods. It’s a little infuriating that after all my efforts over the years the habits didn’t stick.

But I don really restrict her. I tell her we need to balance what we eat - not only bread and cheese but veggies and fruit have to be part of the meal, it’s ok to have sweets but not multiple times a day. I told her it’s a struggle for me to loose weight and that I don’t want her t get through that, etc.

No one told me at home I fat but I knew it and kids teased at school. So I still had body issues.

[Anonymous]

Ironically, I am in the same boat. My daughter also 10’has recently gained a bit of weight and looks chunky.

I remember when I was younger as well I guess I gained weight. I mention this because i had no idea really but at a water park my unkle pushed my belly and called me chubby. I have never gotten over it and I still have issues.

A couple of years later, I hit puberty and was skinny as a rail again.

I know how this has effected me and I also tread carefully with my daughter. Prior to her getting a little chubby, I always encourage making healthy and the right decisions whether eating or anything else.

When we have pizza we eat side salads. With any other dinner if she is still hungry, she can have more vegetables or more salad or more meat etc. we still keep breads down.

[Anonymous]

She is probably getting ready to go through puberty OP, don't scare her for life with an eating disorder.

[Anonymous]

It's likely the onset of puberty - a lot of girls get chubby in the year before they start their period.

I have a little 10 year old carb-a-holic too. Girl never met a carb she didn't love. So we have instituted some house rules to mitigate this. The rules in our house apply to everyone, she is never singled out.

- No seconds on carbs unless you have played a sport that day. Seconds are allowed on the protein or vegetables whenever.
- Dessert one day a week. We've occasional exceptions - we go out to dinner for good report cards and dessert is allowed. Vacations are an exception as well.
- If they are making their own meal, it has to include a protein.
- Screen time is limited. If it is nice outside, they are expected to be out playing or helping around the house.

You also still control what comes into the house. So focus on protein, veggies, and fruit. You also still have control over what happens at restaurants and school. She has to have access to funds to get ice cream at school, right? Our school system has a general account vs. a meal account. I only fund the meal side so my kids can't get extra snacks. If that's not an option, then she can pack her lunch. At restaurants, don't get refills on the chips. When a basket is gone, it's gone. If it's pizza, before you get out of the car, explain that 2 slices of piece is the appropriate serving. (Or if you're sharing with the family - order less so the option to have 4 - 5 slices isn't available.)

Most of all, accept and love your daughter exactly how she is. You know how painful it is to feel judge for how you look. Don't pass that on to her. Her eating choices aren't a reflection of you - it's what her body/brain prefers at this time. Help her through this time.

[Anonymous]

I have heard that adding the good stuff leads to reducing the bad stuff (I am specifically thinking of smoothie advice I have heard). I plan to try that myself.

[Anonymous]

In another forum, there’s a thread about an overweight adult man who says he never learned basic nutrition in health class or at home.

Does she know what carbs are? Sugar? Protein? Ten isn’t too young to educate her. Not saying it will flip a switch, but it might help.

[Anonymous]

Children love carbs and sweets. Like, all children. Mine are genetically very slim but those are their favorites too. Sure, you can try to have fewer sweet snacks around, and definitely no sweetened drinks, but it is absolutely not the case that eating vegetables is what makes children thin. It’s usually genetics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In another forum, there’s a thread about an overweight adult man who says he never learned basic nutrition in health class or at home.

Does she know what carbs are? Sugar? Protein? Ten isn’t too young to educate her. Not saying it will flip a switch, but it might help.

This is where we are now too. Nothing else seemed to work except discussing portion sizes and “fun food” vs “fuel food”. I hunk it’s finally starting to click for our 12 year old. The obsession was real. We now exercise as a family and make healthy meals together. We try not to eat out often but if we happen to more than once a week, we guide her into making better decisions. She could also throw down half a large pizza or more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's likely the onset of puberty - a lot of girls get chubby in the year before they start their period.

I have a little 10 year old carb-a-holic too. Girl never met a carb she didn't love. So we have instituted some house rules to mitigate this. The rules in our house apply to everyone, she is never singled out.

- No seconds on carbs unless you have played a sport that day. Seconds are allowed on the protein or vegetables whenever.
- Dessert one day a week. We've occasional exceptions - we go out to dinner for good report cards and dessert is allowed. Vacations are an exception as well.
- If they are making their own meal, it has to include a protein.
- Screen time is limited. If it is nice outside, they are expected to be out playing or helping around the house.

You also still control what comes into the house. So focus on protein, veggies, and fruit. You also still have control over what happens at restaurants and school. She has to have access to funds to get ice cream at school, right? Our school system has a general account vs. a meal account. I only fund the meal side so my kids can't get extra snacks. If that's not an option, then she can pack her lunch. At restaurants, don't get refills on the chips. When a basket is gone, it's gone. If it's pizza, before you get out of the car, explain that 2 slices of piece is the appropriate serving. (Or if you're sharing with the family - order less so the option to have 4 - 5 slices isn't available.)

Most of all, accept and love your daughter exactly how she is. You know how painful it is to feel judge for how you look. Don't pass that on to her. Her eating choices aren't a reflection of you - it's what

her body/brain prefers at this time. Help her through this time.

Unless you played a sport that day??
Issues galore. Good luck when theyre older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's likely the onset of puberty - a lot of girls get chubby in the year before they start their period.

I have a little 10 year old carb-a-holic too. Girl never met a carb she didn't love. So we have instituted some house rules to mitigate this. The rules in our house apply to everyone, she is never singled out.

- No seconds on carbs unless you have played a sport that day. Seconds are allowed on the protein or vegetables whenever.
- Dessert one day a week. We've occasional exceptions - we go out to dinner for good report cards and dessert is allowed. Vacations are an exception as well.
- If they are making their own meal, it has to include a protein.
- Screen time is limited. If it is nice outside, they are expected to be out playing or helping around the house.

You also still control what comes into the house. So focus on protein, veggies, and fruit. You also still have control over what happens at restaurants and school. She has to have access to funds to get ice cream at school, right? Our school system has a general account vs. a meal account. I only fund the meal side so my kids can't get extra snacks. If that's not an option, then she can pack her lunch. At restaurants, don't get refills on the chips. When a basket is gone, it's gone. If it's pizza, before you get out of the car, explain that 2 slices of piece is the appropriate serving. (Or if you're sharing with the family - order less so the option to have 4 - 5 slices isn't available.)

Most of all, accept and love your daughter exactly how she is. You know how painful it is to feel judge for how you look. Don't pass that on to her. Her eating choices aren't a reflection of you - it's what

her body/brain prefers at this time. Help her through this time.

Unless you played a sport that day??
Issues galore. Good luck when theyre older.

I totally get the effort but it does sound pretty restrictive for a kid. I agree on providing less junk in the house, but kids love carbs. We’re a vegetarian family and the kiddo loves pizza, chips, and sweets.