DC Urban Moms Farce

[Anonymous]

I am a lawyer who attended the big three, then Ivy League for six or seven degrees (I lost count). Mommy and Daddy were lawyers too. I'm happy to announce that I'm about as Waspy as you can get. Card carrying DAR member. Great, Great, Great, Great, Grandmother and Grandfather came over on the Mayflower, and never left D.C. Some people might call this rather sad, but what do they know?

So, how many of you are out there ard infuriated that we are now a dime a dozen and can't get a job? How much did you make when you were fired? Yeah (eye roll) me too. Just wondering of course. Between you and me and the wall only, of course.

Now I'm especially interested in going from Oh-So-Biggest-Law (they said they couldn't afford me - "Puh!" I say) to (dare I say it) SNIFF, SNIFF, SNIFF (oh, this is killing me) okay, ready, the federal government. Shh, don't tell anyone. But surely you must have an in. Seeing as we're both as Waspy as you can get, you know.

What's that? That doesn't COUNT for anything anymore? Well, I never! Who are you anyway! The nerve! Stomp, stomp, stomp.....BAWL!!!!!!! Mommy, Daddy, did you HEAR that?!?!? BAAAAAWLLL!!!!

These peasants want me to WORK for my credentials?!?! WTF?!?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I thought this was supposed to be the farce thread. You two b*tches are all over the regular thread one just like the quotes above....

I'm with this poster! A frilly birthday isn't a necessity, but it sure is nice! I bet these b*tches would be unhappy themselves if nobody seemed to care about their birthdays. Although with their snarkiness, maybe they spent their birthdays all alone....

Mmmm, probably would not be unhappy about it at all because the two "bitches" probably aren't shallow, self-centered, controlling, and superficial.

And they probably are wearing yoga pants and north face jackets. Horrible. Doesn't anyone in DC or the suburbs have any style??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you pay nany not enough. Nany work hard for care your childreen. I pay me nany $30 dolars each hour and raise evry 6 month. I give her BMW car and the inserance. She get 4 week holiday and I give nany evry Friday half day with pay. My son is in schol from 9 in morning to 3 in afternoon. Nanny work too hard from 3 until 6 so I tell her not to clean house and relax till bus bring him home. I buy her what she want to eat. I give 2 week bonus at chrismas and ester. When I not work-nany not work, but I pay her becose my son call her mommy. I know other familys do same with there nany.

ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT!

fuking hilarious

[Anonymous]

Even funnier-I think my nanny is stealing from me-I've been recently monitoring our food inventory and have noticed a cracker missing here, a bite out of an apple there and what really tipped me off was an empty yogurt container in the trash yesterday (my DS hates yogurt but I buy it anyway because he might change his mind next week). I pay top dollar for her services ($12 an hour for a 65 hour week), and I am really put out by this. I might not be so upset but she burned a pot holder last year, had the nerve to ask to leave an hour early for a doctors appointment last month and didn't gush when I gave her a 5 cent increase per hour to honor her third year anniversary with our family (which we truly consider her a part of during the workweek). The final straw was the sad expression on her face when she saw all the dishes that we had left in the sink from the weekend for her to clean up-whatever happened to going the extra mile?

[Anonymous]

20:59 - as a "nice" (generous) mom - high five!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

20:59 - as a "nice" (generous) mom - high five!

Dear Human Being-get off of the Farce Thread, you don't belong here. This site is reserved for Debbie Downers, Entitled Moms and Nannies, People Who Post from the Public Library and all others off their medications. Please stop parading on our rain, thank you.

[jsteele]

I was driving through a county that had a lot of Amish people living in it. I got behind one of the horse-drawn buggies and couldn't pass it. It was going so slow and I felt that it was a safety problem because if I tried to pass I could easily hit another buggy coming the other direction. All those Amish people dressed strange and it made me feel very uncomfortable. I really felt bad that they were forced by their religion to dress that way.

I think we need to pass a law that requires all Amish people to dress in baggy jeans and basketball jerseys that are four sizes too large. Also, no belts allowed. If they can't keep their pants on, that's their problem. They should be required to drive Cadillac Eldorados rather than buggies. And, it wouldn't hurt for them to start watching a little TV. BTW, I know all about Amish people because I watched "Witness" a few years ago. I knew that old man had a killer instinct in him. If those people don't like it, they can go back to Germany or wherever they came from. Or, maybe France. I bet the French will let them dress however they want

[Anonymous]

TJ

TJ

TJ

TJ

Beauvoir

TJ

TJ

TJ

STA

TJ

TJ

TJ

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is 25, is still breastfeeding & cosleeping. It is starting to get in the way of my professional life & my marriage. Any thoughts?

It's almost two years later and your son is 27? Have you been successful in weaning him to a sippy cup? If not, do you nurse in public. If so, where? My husband lives for a glimpse of breast.

[Anonymous]

I'm so annoyed with the baby I take care of. All she does is cry all day. Can't she see that nanny is trying to watch tv? I mean I was up partying last night so I missed the new lifetime movie. Thank God for reruns.
On top of that I'm super stressed out because MB wants me to take her for a walk. That's stupid. The baby is 3 months old, she doesn't know what the hell a walk is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son is 25, is still breastfeeding & cosleeping. It is starting to get in the way of my professional life & my marriage. Any thoughts?

It's almost two years later and your son is 27? Have you been successful in weaning him to a sippy cup? If not, do you nurse in public. If so, where? My husband lives for a glimpse of breast.

etc.

Oops. I forgot to ask--I know you're busy with son but am looking for wet nurse for quintuplets, age 1, 2, 3, 4,5, 6, 7, and on the way. Would you be interested? If not, is anybody out there interested? Pay is negotiable but no housekeeping, Must sit and watch TV (comcast, Verizon, Inter Galaxy, we have it all) while nursing. Husband will not be home during day and sees his mistress every evening when he is not playing golf on weekends. If he is home--no need to worry as he lolls on sofa, drinks beer, belches, passes gas--he and dog--falls asleep, snores and drools, again he and dog. Must live in--no nightly feedings as children pass out after drinking dregs from his nightly 32 cans of beer. It would be truly wonderful for one of those Portugese or Brazilian wet nurses to would apply so they can teach husband all their sex tricks. MIL is not a problem as she is always passed out. FIL is great--actually father of all my children. He is Philadelphia Main Line but had Portugese nanny who used her wiles on him. KEEP AWAY FROM HIM, he's mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Outsource, Outsource, Outsource! It will keep you sane and save your marriage. I mean, if you are wealthy anyway.

http://www.amazon.com/Housekeeper-Cheaper-Than-Divorce-Afford/dp/0967963605

A Housekeeper Is Cheaper Than a Divorce: Why You Can Afford to Hire Help and How to Get It


Readers Will Learn:
- Why household help is a time management tool, not a luxury for the wealthy NOT FOR THE MIDDLE CLASS
- Why depending on husbands to share housework is unrealistic and futile
- How to cost-justify a housekeeper's salary and sell the idea to a spouse
- How to decide whether to hire a nanny, a housekeeper, or a cleaning service
- How to define the job that needs doing and then find the right employee for that job



- How to organize a household so that a housekeeper can work effectively
- How to comply with the "nanny tax" laws
- How to apply management skills from the workplace to treat a housekeeper fairly, while getting the best possible performance for every hiring dollar

Is there anyone middle class on this board? Ew, I'm in the wrong place.

WTF?? My husband and I only pull in $3 mil per anum in salary and less thn $10 mill on our inherited wealth. If that isn't middle class WTBF is??

[Anonymous]

All of you stop whining. I have a REAL problem.

My nanny cam revealed to DFH and I that Nanny is not always by toddler's side, particularly if she is in bathroom (Johnny on the Spot--way, way in back yard). When she visits Johnny, and more than once a day is taking advantage of my good nature, she leaves toddler in charge of changing baby's dirty diaper--she can't because it makes her gag.

That isn't my problem. My problem is that she can't bi-locate. I asked her specifically during interview if she could be in two places at once and she swore that she was not only legal but that in one job she had to tri-locate. I want to say something to her but don't want her to know about nannie cam in case she decided to use gold-plated toilet in master bedroom where there is closed-circuit TV. I don't want to fire her because my house is completely Green and now I use only cloth diapers. I'm afraid that new nannie will not be as tolerant at teaching toddler how to use a safety pin so he doesn't jab his DBS and the proper way for him how to rinse diaper in toilet and sanitize them while washing by hand. and hanging on clothes line to dry.

Should I fire her or hire new nanny to teach him how to do these things?


He is a very good and sweet child but, really not always well coordinated. Almost fell in toilet bowl last week--and luckily she was finished using my $500.00/1 ounce jar Cle de Peau moisturizer--and grabbed him in nick of time.

[Anonymous]

jsteele wrote:I was driving through a county that had a lot of Amish people living in it. I got behind one of the horse-drawn buggies and couldn't pass it. It was going so slow and I felt that it was a safety problem because if I tried to pass I could easily hit another buggy coming the other direction. All those Amish people dressed strange and it made me feel very uncomfortable. I really felt bad that they were forced by their religion to dress that way.

I think we need to pass a law that requires all Amish people to dress in baggy jeans and basketball jerseys that are four sizes too large. Also, no belts allowed. If they can't keep their pants on, that's their problem. They should be required to drive Cadillac Eldorados rather than buggies. And, it wouldn't hurt for them to start watching a little TV. BTW, I know all about Amish people because I watched "Witness" a few years ago. I knew that old man had a killer instinct in him. If those people don't like it, they can go back to Germany or wherever they came from. Or, maybe France. I bet the French will let them dress however they want

Nice try Steele, but I think that you are out of your depth in this thread.

[jsteele]

Anonymous wrote:Nice try Steele, but I think that you are out of your depth in this thread.

Do you know which thread I was satirizing? Because I think my post was fucking hilarious.