My SO bought a house not using my friend's SO as her realtor
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Anonymous
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I'm a mid 20's guy. My fiancee is late 20's. We've been together ~6 years. I have a close friend (John) who has a fiancee that works as a real estate agent (Jane). They're both mid 20's.
My fiancee bought a house 100% in her name. She used a local well-reviewed "stranger" as her agent. My fiancee did a lot of research on her own that said not to use friends as agents. My fiancee's parents and grandparents are both well-off and having bought multiple properties on their own also said in no uncertain terms not to use a friend as an agent. My fiancee has had incredible financial discipline since she started working, so she put more down and the house she/we ended up closing on was slightly more expensive than what most folks her age would buy. Ever since we bought the house, Jane has been totally radio silent. We invited the friend group they're a part of (all couples) to a mini-housewarming and John showed up alone, Jane had an excuse and couldn't make it. When we got John and Jane's save the date, I sent them both a congratulatory note and to confirm we got the save-the-date and no response. I wished them both a happy easter, also no response. This is all over the course of ~4 months since we closed on the house. John and I still text regularly. I then invited John/Jane to barbecue at our house and I could tell something was off. John said "this month is super busy for us..." and didn't want to nail down any concrete plans. I asked him point blank whether everything was OK with Jane and if she didn't want to visit the house. He wrote a reply explaining that Jane was hurt we didn't use her as the realtor and she thought we were friends and neither of them understood why we went with a stranger as the agent over Jane. I explained that my fiancee didn't want to hurt Jane, just based off my fiancee's research and what her family recommended that we go with a third-party to keep the separation between friends and business. I explained it had nothing to do with Jane or our perception of her abilities as a real estate agent. John seems like he understood. In my fiancee's defense, Jane was also not a licensed agent in DC when we started our search and she never explicitly reached out to my fiancee to offer her services. John made a remark in passing to me (i.e. "if you need a good real estate agent, I know one...wink wink") but I think Jane's expectation was that we would approach her. I told my fiancee about the conversation I had with John. My fiancee and I are both on the same page- we understand why Jane is hurt, but my fiancee understandably now feels like she's just a dollar sign to Jane (especially considering the "uncommon for her age" price of the house) if she's just willing to just completely ghost us over this house purchase. The reasons we didn't go with Jane as our agent really had nothing to do with Jane. I'm just not sure how to navigate this situation from here. Should one of us reach out to Jane to explain? Or just give it time and hope she can put it behind her? |
Anonymous
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I don't think there is anything else you need to do here.
You explained to Jane's fiance why you did not use her. If they want to ghost you nonetheless, that's their prerogative. Your fiance thinks your friends only see her as a $ because that's how they are treating her. FWIW I have a real estate license and if my friends go to someone else that is fine- if I can't find clients who are not friends/family this business is not for me. |
Anonymous
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Your fiancée did nothing wrong. Jane is going to need to grow thicker skin if she wants to make it in real estate.
I would never use a friend, friend of friend, or relative as a realtor. IMO realtor/buyer is a relationship that needs to be strictly business because it has the potential to sour friendships. |
Anonymous
| Jane needs to grow up. Your fiance is smart to not use Jane. Stick with your fiance. |
Anonymous
| Nah, don't reach out because you shouldn't validate her temper tantrum. You explained once and that's that. She can either act like a grown up and get over it, or she'll continue to be cold to you. Carry on your relationship with John as usual if he's not ghosting you, but if Jane avoids a relationship with you, I wouldn't go out of my way to try and establish one. |
Anonymous
| Jane is being a baby. |
Anonymous
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"Fiancee really likes hanging out with Jane, but she didn't want to mix friendship into a business deal because she was worried that it might sour the friendship. This was a huge amount of money for Fiancee, and she wanted to be comfortable asking tough questions and making hard choices without worrying about hurting anyone's feelings. Imagine how awkward we all would be if Fiancee did hire her and then something went wrong.
"I know Jane is such a professional, and that she doesn't let a missed pitch opportunity get her down. Hope the spring market is being good to her, and that we can recommend her to other friends who will be on the hunt later this year or next." |
Anonymous
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Jane is not going to last long in the profession if she behaves like this. Consider if she had been warm and friendly and understanding about it. The next time a friend of yours said they were thinking about moving, you might have recommended her, especially since you hadn't used her and thus want to throw her a bone. But since she has pouted ever since you didn't use her, you aren't going to recommend her, are you.
Real Estate is all about relationships. This woman just burned hers. Dumb, dumb, dumb. |
Anonymous
Bingo. Your fiancee did nothing wrong. The fact that Jane is behaving like this perfectly illustrates why you don't use friends for major business transactions. |
Anonymous
| Resltor friend needs to get over herself. I think you have bigger issues to worry about, though. It's your fiancee's house, not yours. Why is that? |
Anonymous
Your fiancee sounds great.. you should marry her.. Oh I guess you are 
You both acted reasonably, and sounds like John is too. Jane's the one that's pouting. A simple "we don't do business with friends" is a very reasonably and understandable explanation, but you've done enough at this point. Jane is being stupid for burning this bridge. I bet a lot of people in your friends circle will be buying soon too, and I doubt you'll be recommending Jane after this incident! |
Anonymous
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Jane is an idiot. It is not worth saving that friendship.
Support your fiancée. She sounds great. |
Anonymous
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Leave it alone. Your fiancee did the right thing and you're lucky to marry such a grounded person. Jane will have to lump it. But then again, there are few professions that have as many shady and unethical people as the real estate agent industry... |
Anonymous
Your fiancee doesn't need a defense. Having seen friends who used a family member as their realtor, I would never go that route. |
Anonymous
I agree. I’m mid 40s, and I’ve bought and sold many properties without a realtor. They are not necessary. Your fiancée sounds smart. Why would she use an agent who presumably knows nothing about the area she was looking to buy in (if she wasn’t licensed there). Jane is way off base here, and this is a perfect example not not mixing business and pleasure. Congrats on the home purchase. |