Reply to My SO bought a house not using my friend's SO as her realtor

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm a mid 20's guy. My fiancee is late 20's. We've been together ~6 years. I have a close friend (John) who has a fiancee that works as a real estate agent (Jane). They're both mid 20's.

My fiancee bought a house 100% in her name. She used a local well-reviewed "stranger" as her agent. My fiancee did a lot of research on her own that said not to use friends as agents. My fiancee's parents and grandparents are both well-off and having bought multiple properties on their own also said in no uncertain terms not to use a friend as an agent. My fiancee has had incredible financial discipline since she started working, so she put more down and the house she/we ended up closing on was slightly more expensive than what most folks her age would buy.

Ever since we bought the house, Jane has been totally radio silent. We invited the friend group they're a part of (all couples) to a mini-housewarming and John showed up alone, Jane had an excuse and couldn't make it. When we got John and Jane's save the date, I sent them both a congratulatory note and to confirm we got the save-the-date and no response. I wished them both a happy easter, also no response. This is all over the course of ~4 months since we closed on the house. John and I still text regularly.

I then invited John/Jane to barbecue at our house and I could tell something was off. John said "this month is super busy for us..." and didn't want to nail down any concrete plans. I asked him point blank whether everything was OK with Jane and if she didn't want to visit the house. He wrote a reply explaining that Jane was hurt we didn't use her as the realtor and she thought we were friends and neither of them understood why we went with a stranger as the agent over Jane. I explained that my fiancee didn't want to hurt Jane, just based off my fiancee's research and what her family recommended that we go with a third-party to keep the separation between friends and business. I explained it had nothing to do with Jane or our perception of her abilities as a real estate agent. John seems like he understood. In my fiancee's defense, Jane was also not a licensed agent in DC when we started our search and she never explicitly reached out to my fiancee to offer her services. John made a remark in passing to me (i.e. "if you need a good real estate agent, I know one...wink wink") but I think Jane's expectation was that we would approach her.

I told my fiancee about the conversation I had with John. My fiancee and I are both on the same page- we understand why Jane is hurt, but my fiancee understandably now feels like she's just a dollar sign to Jane (especially considering the "uncommon for her age" price of the house) if she's just willing to just completely ghost us over this house purchase. The reasons we didn't go with Jane as our agent really had nothing to do with Jane. I'm just not sure how to navigate this situation from here. Should one of us reach out to Jane to explain? Or just give it time and hope she can put it behind her?[/quote]

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