My SO bought a house not using my friend's SO as her realtor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a very conscientious friend (you actually sound female, but maybe you are just an unusually sensitive guy). There’s nothing more you need to do. You and your fiancée did nothing wrong. The realtor needs to grow up and stop thinking of friends as potential clients.

Do you work? EQ is an invaluable skill in an office setting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jane needs to grow up. Your fiance is smart to not use Jane. Stick with your fiance.

Exactly. No one has a right to someone's patronage.

I run a new, very small business. Some of my friends buy from me, some don't. It's their money to spend as they please.

[Anonymous]

Jane is being an immature jerk. Your fiancee was right not to use her. I applaud your fiancee's maturity. Stick with her.

[Anonymous]

I would never use a twenty-something as a real estate agent. I would want someone with years of experience. Jane is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i know a real estate agent whose very close friend of 40 years used a “stranger” real estate agent. My acquaintance was very hurt, but not because she saw her friend as a dollar sign. She felt that no one would have worked harder to represent her friend and protect friend’s interests than she would have. She felt like friend lacked confidence in her professional abilities.

Of course, as an outsider, I recognize that my acquaintance’s friend did absolutely nothing wrong and that it’s a good idea to separate friendship from business deals, but I mention this because Jane isn’t necessarily upset about the missed commission. She may also be embarrassed to face mutual friends who might ask questions/make assumptions about how you chose your real estate agent and why you didn’t use Jane.

This, I also agree Jane is wrong, but if I was Jane I would think “they think I am not worthy, not competent” and I would be embarrassed and never want to show up again. But I am def on the easily wounded and self doubting side

[Anonymous]

I'm a Realtor, and almost all of my friends have bought or sold with me. I have two friends who did not sell/buy with me. One reached out beforehand and said they preferred to use a stranger and not mix business with personal things. I said I totally understood and wished them luck. The other mentioned needing to sell her home, said she would reach out shortly, and then the next thing I knew, she had listed with someone else and pretended like nothing happened. That was hurtful....like she thought I was too dumb to notice she was selling or something. A quick text to say that they decided to go in a different direction (I think her husband wanted to choose the Realtor) would have gone a long way. I no longer consider her a close friend, just an acquaintance. It's totally your right to use whoever you want, but a heads up to your friend would have shown you value her, your relationship, and her ability to do her job.

[Anonymous]

"We don't do business with friends."

She is being ridiculous. Some people are just pushy. I once had a student (graduate school coursework) who was a Realtor and pushed me to hire them -- their professor! Unreal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a Realtor, and almost all of my friends have bought or sold with me. I have two friends who did not sell/buy with me. One reached out beforehand and said they preferred to use a stranger and not mix business with personal things. I said I totally understood and wished them luck. The other mentioned needing to sell her home, said she would reach out shortly, and then the next thing I knew, she had listed with someone else and pretended like nothing happened. That was hurtful....like she thought I was too dumb to notice she was selling or something. A quick text to say that they decided to go in a different direction (I think her husband wanted to choose the Realtor) would have gone a long way. I no longer consider her a close friend, just an acquaintance. It's totally your right to use whoever you want, but a heads up to your friend would have shown you value her, your relationship, and her ability to do her job.

Yeah, sorry, no. My best friend is a veterinarian and I would never feel like I needed to give her a heads up or explanation about why I choose another vet to show her that I are her and her ability to do her job. We are friends. That is just understood. This is high school drama crap for the extremely insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a Realtor, and almost all of my friends have bought or sold with me. I have two friends who did not sell/buy with me. One reached out beforehand and said they preferred to use a stranger and not mix business with personal things. I said I totally understood and wished them luck. The other mentioned needing to sell her home, said she would reach out shortly, and then the next thing I knew, she had listed with someone else and pretended like nothing happened. That was hurtful....like she thought I was too dumb to notice she was selling or something. A quick text to say that they decided to go in a different direction (I think her husband wanted to choose the Realtor) would have gone a long way. I no longer consider her a close friend, just an acquaintance. It's totally your right to use whoever you want, but a heads up to your friend would have shown you value her, your relationship, and her ability to do her job.

That's why I don't have friends as realtors, just acquaintances. They EXPECT you to clear it with them before signing up with someone else. So Effing entitlement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jane needs to grow up. Your fiance is smart to not use Jane. Stick with your fiance.

This time 1000. Jane needs to grow the eff up.

[Anonymous]

OP, your fiance did the right thing, and you have done all you should and now must wait it out.

John and you may drift apart for a while here, while Jane cools off.

I'm a DW now in my mid-50s and now for many years have seen how couples/couples relationships play out. As a general rule, when one of the women gets irritated with (either the man or woman) of the other couple, it's really hard for her man to hold on to the friendship because she punishes him for interacting with either party of the other couple.

So give it time. Every interaction John has with you he might have to pay for when he gets home. And most likely he'll be punished for any interaction he has with your fiance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a Realtor, and almost all of my friends have bought or sold with me. I have two friends who did not sell/buy with me. One reached out beforehand and said they preferred to use a stranger and not mix business with personal things. I said I totally understood and wished them luck. The other mentioned needing to sell her home, said she would reach out shortly, and then the next thing I knew, she had listed with someone else and pretended like nothing happened. That was hurtful....like she thought I was too dumb to notice she was selling or something. A quick text to say that they decided to go in a different direction (I think her husband wanted to choose the Realtor) would have gone a long way. I no longer consider her a close friend, just an acquaintance. It's totally your right to use whoever you want, but a heads up to your friend would have shown you value her, your relationship, and her ability to do her job.

Why are realtors the only one who are entitled to an explanation or notification about this? Is your lawyer/dentist/psychologist/accountant entitled to an explanation as well?

[Anonymous]

*Is your friend who's a lawyer/dentist/psychologist/accountant entitled to an explanation as well?

[Anonymous]

I have a neighbor who is a realtor who was upset we did not use her when we helped my parents find their small condo in our city. Here's the thing -- We definitely didn't want our neighbors to know all the details of our financial situation, how much the down payment was, the fact that they considered just paying cash for the property and not having a mortgage etc.
Think about it -- would you go to a doctor who is also a friend if it meant sharing confidential medical information? Pretty hard to do a real estate deal without sharing a lot more about your finances than you would normally share with a neighbor or a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anyone who leverages personal relationships for business is to be avoided. Realtors who expect friends and neighbors to use them, anyone selling MLM crap, people who have organizing businesses, etc. It's all terrible. Most of us have jobs that don't use friends to make money, and we see it for what it is. So leave us alone!