Mother's Day Failure

[Anonymous]

So, we have been having a stressful time at home lately. I have been stretched very thin trying to make sure that both kids are ok....and by okay, I mean not suicidal, being able to go outside, get to therapists, take meds/supplements/etc...to help with anxiety and depression, get to activities, see friends. Have had some hiccups.

Family not always big into "doing it up" for holidays...mothers day included. We are at a gift shop with thing two today and it is all about him. Cannot bother looking at what I like. Mind you this is after his father took him to the movies and we just went to a store he enjoyed....

I lost it.

Probably too much.

Now said kid is upstairs...Leave me alone. I am terrible person. I never think of others. Sobbing.

And I feel awful.

I cannot f*&^ing win.

[Anonymous]

OP I am sorry, that sounds terribly stressful. Can your DH hang out with the kids tomorrow while you do something you enjoy doing alone? Some time to read, relax, get your nails done, whatever?

[Anonymous]

What a brat. On his birthday, take him to the soup kitchen. He needs a wake up call for being so ungrateful.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you're upset, OP, but were you expecting that your teen look for and buy something for you in the shop? I don't clearly understand your description of events.

My parents never had such expectations of me - sometimes I made them something, sometimes I didn't. As an adult, I remember their special days.

Some people just aren't into those things, and it's OK.
It doesn't mean they don't love you!

My 14 year old son just realized today that tomorrow is Mother's Day. Did he do something about it? No. At best, he signed the card and threw a glance at the gift my NINE year old daughter made all by herself. I bet my husband signed that card too! My husband and son are both quirky and are not gift givers. I don't actually want them to, they'd would probably not pick things I like, and then it would be me telling them what to get... I'd rather just buy it myself

Oh well. I bet each member of your family has great qualities, just like mine do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I'm sorry you're upset, OP, but were you expecting that your teen look for and buy something for you in the shop? I don't clearly understand your description of events.

My parents never had such expectations of me - sometimes I made them something, sometimes I didn't. As an adult, I remember their special days.

Some people just aren't into those things, and it's OK.
It doesn't mean they don't love you!

My 14 year old son just realized today that tomorrow is Mother's Day. Did he do something about it? No. At best, he signed the card and threw a glance at the gift my NINE year old daughter made all by herself. I bet my husband signed that card too! My husband and son are both quirky and are not gift givers. I don't actually want them to, they'd would probably not pick things I like, and then it would be me telling them what to get... I'd rather just buy it myself

Oh well. I bet each member of your family has great qualities, just like mine do.

OP never mentioned wanting a gift but asking for some time with her child and he giving free attention to her, is doable but sounds like he couldn’t even just stand and quite bitching. I would have lost it and I’m glad he is upset

[Anonymous]

It's called being a teen, OP. He needs a calm talk about respect because of his last outburst. I'm not quite sure what you wanted from him in the shop, though.

Don't worry. You'll both survive.

[Anonymous]

I think they were out shopping and he complained when she was browsing at a store he wasn't interested in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think they were out shopping and he complained when she was browsing at a store he wasn't interested in.

Which teen boy wants to go shopping with his mother? A few of them are truly decent humans and don't complain much, but most do and that's normal. Remind them of their manners and keep on doing exactly what you wanted to do.

[Anonymous]

So you thought he would be interested in the store you like?

How old is he, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think they were out shopping and he complained when she was browsing at a store he wasn't interested in.

Which teen boy wants to go shopping with his mother? A few of them are truly decent humans and don't complain much, but most do and that's normal. Remind them of their manners and keep on doing exactly what you wanted to do.

I’m guessing they went to a movie at a mall. Stopped in a store he liked and then mom wanted to stop in a store she liked. Kid was being a brat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think they were out shopping and he complained when she was browsing at a store he wasn't interested in.

Which teen boy wants to go shopping with his mother? A few of them are truly decent humans and don't complain much, but most do and that's normal. Remind them of their manners and keep on doing exactly what you wanted to do.

It doesn’t matter if he wanted to go or not. If I told my child let’s go into this store real quick, I will be damned if he complains. He would have gotten slapped across the face. It’s disrespectful

[Anonymous]

So … you call him "thing two," you are in a family that is not big on holidays (because that's what you modeled so that's what your children learned), you drag your son into a store and then YOU become disgruntled because he doesn't fawn over something you like, and then you lost it with him … and now you're acting like everyone is against you? Lady, you've got some problems and those problems aren't your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So … you call him "thing two," you are in a family that is not big on holidays (because that's what you modeled so that's what your children learned), you drag your son into a store and then YOU become disgruntled because he doesn't fawn over something you like, and then you lost it with him … and now you're acting like everyone is against you? Lady, you've got some problems and those problems aren't your kid.

Well, I didn't want to be so mean about it, but this PP makes excellent points. Unless your teen literally had a meltdown in the store, I'm not quite sure why you escalated this.

[Anonymous]

I am really confused why you got upset and what this has to do with Mother’s Day. Were you trying to hint for a gift and kid did not care?

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now OP, and you were hoping that mother’s day would force some appreciation. Sorry op, but most tweens and teens, this is not going to happen. If your kids are really anxious and depressed, you need to lower those expectations more. It sucks, but it sounds like you need a break. Can you find a way to care for yourself a little more?

And maybe spend less time on social media where it look like everyone is having a magical mother’s day. I promise you, we are all not. If I get a card I will be happy.

[Anonymous]

Op— I feel bad for you. I also have a high maintenance kid who has been known to push my buttons. I certainly have had the I am being pushed to the limits feeling. Also, the I cannot run one more carpool feeling and the why would you put clean unworn clothes in the laundry feeling.

But it seems like you have a lot of frustration about other things— mental health issues, discipline issues, husband issues, bratty kid issues— that you are calling Mother’s Day.

Today wasn’t Mothers Day. And even if it was, your kid can’t read your mind and know that this one store was very important to you. It is reasonable to ask for your teen to spend an hour or two on Mother’s Day doing something you enjoy with you. Especially if you tell them in advance what that thing will be and don’t make them guess or expect them to plan it. (My teens have APs this week and SAT subject tests soon and school projects and legit don’t have more time than that to give). It is reasonable to expect a small gift. Especially if you give them a list of ideas and a reasonable budget. It is reasonable to expect your husband to step in and ...aahhmm... remind them to buy the gift and/or adjust the attitude.

It is less reasonable to expect your kid to know that one store he finds boring is the Mothers Day hill you want to die on. Especially if it’s not Mothers Day.

It sounds like you have very real reasons to feel like you deserve some gratitude on Mothers Day. But it also sounds like you are being pretty passive aggressive here and calling general parenting frustration “ingratitude on Mother’s Day” because you feel sorry for yourself.

When I look at what you wrote, I think you need a therapist too. Not because you are a bad parent. But because you are dealing with a lot and could use some support. And some help communicating with a difficult kid.

In all seriousness, Happy Mothers Day.