Mother's Day Failure

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP- teens live in their own bubble and are pretty "me" centric for awhile. I remember being an Ahole to my parents and then when I came home from college realized what awesome people they are. I've been feeling a bit unappreciated by my 17yo DD lately (some moments have been quite painful), but I try to keep it in perspective and know that things will come around once they stretch their wings.

[Anonymous]

"thing two" jumped out at me also. No wonder your kids have problems. Maybe if you model loving and caring behavior for them they will reciprocate. It may be too late at this point though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"thing two" jumped out at me also. No wonder your kids have problems. Maybe if you model loving and caring behavior for them they will reciprocate. It may be too late at this point though.

Really? I have several friends with multiple kids and we affectionately refer to them as Thing 1 and Thing 2... Have you never read Dr. Seuss? Get a grip folks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. 363 days of the year you sacrifice and focus on what everyone else needs. It would be nice to have a day (Mother's Day/birthday), a few hours, or minutes where your needs have some kind of priority.

It's your choice to be a martyr, you don't get to be mad just because that isn't celebrated on a specific day each year.

Here's a thought, make the damn day special for yourself if that is what you want. Don't rely on others to give you what you want/need,especially if you haven't actually voiced that need.
People like you choose to make everyone else's needs a priority and that's on you to deal with. If it doesn't feel good, stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, we have been having a stressful time at home lately. I have been stretched very thin trying to make sure that both kids are ok....and by okay, I mean not suicidal, being able to go outside, get to therapists, take meds/supplements/etc...to help with anxiety and depression, get to activities, see friends. Have had some hiccups.

Family not always big into "doing it up" for holidays...mothers day included. We are at a gift shop with thing two today and it is all about him. Cannot bother looking at what I like. Mind you this is after his father took him to the movies and we just went to a store he enjoyed....

I lost it.

Probably too much.

Now said kid is upstairs...Leave me alone. I am terrible person. I never think of others. Sobbing.

And I feel awful.

I cannot f*&^ing win.

Sorry but this is your husband's fault. He took him to the movies. Why didn't he take him to the gift store and buy you something and talk about what you like and might appreciate? He should talk about what a good mom you are and model the behavior.

The behavior he modeled was showing kid it's all about him.
Parenting isnt talking. Its doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"thing two" jumped out at me also. No wonder your kids have problems. Maybe if you model loving and caring behavior for them they will reciprocate. It may be too late at this point though.

Really? I have several friends with multiple kids and we affectionately refer to them as Thing 1 and Thing 2... Have you never read Dr. Seuss? Get a grip folks.

Some of us aren't fans of Dr. Seuss and his creepy output. And calling your child a "Thing" is not a charming moniker.

[Anonymous]

So everyone is saying that regardless of the time or place, if we take kids on an outing they don’t like we should listen quietly to their complaints and never take offense? Better yet, not expect them to go places that don’t interest them at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So everyone is saying that regardless of the time or place, if we take kids on an outing they don’t like we should listen quietly to their complaints and never take offense? Better yet, not expect them to go places that don’t interest them at all?

Sounds good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"thing two" jumped out at me also. No wonder your kids have problems. Maybe if you model loving and caring behavior for them they will reciprocate. It may be too late at this point though.

Really? I have several friends with multiple kids and we affectionately refer to them as Thing 1 and Thing 2... Have you never read Dr. Seuss? Get a grip folks.

This is an age thing (pun intended.)

I feel like gen X and older moms get the Dr. Seuss reference. Younger Gen X and millennials probably just thought you were calling your kid a thing and responded in kind. Dr. Seuss just isn’t as ubiquitous as he once was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, we have been having a stressful time at home lately. I have been stretched very thin trying to make sure that both kids are ok....and by okay, I mean not suicidal, being able to go outside, get to therapists, take meds/supplements/etc...to help with anxiety and depression, get to activities, see friends. Have had some hiccups.

Family not always big into "doing it up" for holidays...mothers day included. We are at a gift shop with thing two today and it is all about him. Cannot bother looking at what I like. Mind you this is after his father took him to the movies and we just went to a store he enjoyed....

I lost it.

Probably too much.

Now said kid is upstairs...Leave me alone. I am terrible person. I never think of others. Sobbing.

And I feel awful.

I cannot f*&^ing win.

I'm so sorry, OP. Maybe he needed to hear it. My kids aren't this bad, but I go off on them every now and then for taking me for granted. I think it's fair. We shouldn't have to suffer in silence. Mine kept asking what I wanted, and I always say to clean up after yourself! All I want is a clean house, good company and some tasty food. #2 is very crafty and made me jewelry while trashing the basement. #1 is embarrassed that she doesn't plan ahead and holed herself away in the basement also making a mess and leaving me on my own. Their room had clothes dumped everywhere. Their stuff was all over the living and dining room and kitchen counter. They ask what I want to eat and then forget to get or do it. I'm grateful for the good intentions, but follow through is good to, and it's just not enough to want to do nice things and then not bother or do it out of competitive sister guilt.

All this to say, if I'm annoyed w/ mine for not following through on good intentions, then you can certainly go off on your for being a self centered jerk. (And, he was)!

Hang in there, OP. Have a glass of wine and celebrate the immense effort you sink into your kids. I'm with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"thing two" jumped out at me also. No wonder your kids have problems. Maybe if you model loving and caring behavior for them they will reciprocate. It may be too late at this point though.

Really? I have several friends with multiple kids and we affectionately refer to them as Thing 1 and Thing 2... Have you never read Dr. Seuss? Get a grip folks.

Yeah, totally. What's up w/ the Dr. Seuss haters? Zoiks! (that was for the Gen Xers as well)

[Anonymous]

I think the very negative OPs missed the part of OP’s post where she indicated that her children have serious mental health issues and are suicidal. That’s 365 days a year of agony and worry and fear for a parent. It’s isolating and lonely and takes priority over everything else. Where is your empathy and compassion?

OP, I understand and I’m so sorry — for your child, and for you. Next time post in the SN forum; those parents get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"thing two" jumped out at me also. No wonder your kids have problems. Maybe if you model loving and caring behavior for them they will reciprocate. It may be too late at this point though.

Really? I have several friends with multiple kids and we affectionately refer to them as Thing 1 and Thing 2... Have you never read Dr. Seuss? Get a grip folks.

How original!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"thing two" jumped out at me also. No wonder your kids have problems. Maybe if you model loving and caring behavior for them they will reciprocate. It may be too late at this point though.

Really? I have several friends with multiple kids and we affectionately refer to them as Thing 1 and Thing 2... Have you never read Dr. Seuss? Get a grip folks.

This is an age thing (pun intended.)

I feel like gen X and older moms get the Dr. Seuss reference. Younger Gen X and millennials probably just thought you were calling your kid a thing and responded in kind. Dr. Seuss just isn’t as ubiquitous as he once was.

NP I got the Dr. Seuss reference, but I still thought it was an odd way to refer to a child who is working through mental illness issues on a forum looking for advice/sympathy. The title of the post was somewhat telling as well - it was posted on Saturday not Mother's Day. You don't get a whole weekend, especially from a teenager.

I get it that OP is dealing with a lot of stuff but the way things were phrased has probably been the source of negative feedback.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry OP.
Sometimes I think how lucky I am that my parents taught me that official holidays carry little importance.
My kid hugs me, shares food with me, talks to me about stuff. I try to balance his and my needs. I had a fairly useless husband but not anymore.
I think you blew up because you are stressed already. Try not to beat yourself up too much- you are doing what you can, on mother’s day just leave them all home and go out and treat yourself to anything you want.