ExH Introduced New GF of a Few Weeks to DD; how to proceed?

[Anonymous]

Without first consulting with me, ExH introduced our four year old daughter to his current girlfriend a few weeks ago. I only found out because DD told me about “daddy’s friend” who joined them on their weekend activity. I talked to my ExH (we are on decent terms) and explained that I was not comfortable with him introducing his girlfriend of a few weeks to DD without even discussing it with me. He acknowledged his error and apologized. In theory, I’m not opposed to DD meeting her dad’s girlfriend but I feel that it should be someone that is likely to be a more permanent presence in his life and he can’t possibly know that after a few weeks. We had previously agreed that no introductions should be made until the relationship passed the 6 month mark. (For additional context, ExH is a serial dater; I’m aware of at least 6 girlfriends since we divorced 2 years ago. Two of which he lived with, and one he was engaged to. So from my perspective, the likelihood that this woman even makes it to the 6 month mark is low.)

Since the initial introduction was made, ExH has asked several times if I will allow DD to spend time with new GF and her son. I have refused but ExH’s response has been “ok but we are still going to do xyz” so I end up picking DD up early and cutting short her time with her dad. On one hand, I feel guilty about cutting into their time, but on the other hand, I’m annoyed with ExH for not putting his kid first and making me the bad guy. This weekend coming up is the birthday party for the GF’s son and of course, ExH asked if our daughter could attend. I don’t want her spending time with and developing attachments to people who are unlikely to be permanent fixtures, but maybe I’m overthinking? Should I just let her go and give up on enforcing the “6 months” rule that ExH and I had agreed to?

[Anonymous]

Its fine. Let it go. He shouldn't have to consult you. Best he wait but he's not going to. Not ok to stop vistitation.

[Anonymous]

I end up picking DD up early and cutting short her time with her dad. On one hand, I feel guilty about cutting into their time

You don't get to do this, and I am surprised he permitted it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I end up picking DD up early and cutting short her time with her dad. On one hand, I feel guilty about cutting into their time

You don't get to do this, and I am surprised he permitted it.

It was presented as a choice to me, e.g. “I know you’re uncomfortable with this situation so if you don’t want Larla to go to the park with [girlfriend + kid], you can pick her up/I will drop her off.” I didn’t demand, though I have expressed my displeasure to ExH for violating what we agreed to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Without first consulting with me, ExH introduced our four year old daughter to his current girlfriend a few weeks ago. I only found out because DD told me about “daddy’s friend” who joined them on their weekend activity. I talked to my ExH (we are on decent terms) and explained that I was not comfortable with him introducing his girlfriend of a few weeks to DD without even discussing it with me. He acknowledged his error and apologized. In theory, I’m not opposed to DD meeting her dad’s girlfriend but I feel that it should be someone that is likely to be a more permanent presence in his life and he can’t possibly know that after a few weeks. We had previously agreed that no introductions should be made until the relationship passed the 6 month mark. (For additional context, ExH is a serial dater; I’m aware of at least 6 girlfriends since we divorced 2 years ago. Two of which he lived with, and one he was engaged to. So from my perspective, the likelihood that this woman even makes it to the 6 month mark is low.)

Since the initial introduction was made, ExH has asked several times if I will allow DD to spend time with new GF and her son. I have refused but ExH’s response has been “ok but we are still going to do xyz” so I end up picking DD up early and cutting short her time with her dad. On one hand, I feel guilty about cutting into their time, but on the other hand, I’m annoyed with ExH for not putting his kid first and making me the bad guy. This weekend coming up is the birthday party for the GF’s son and of course, ExH asked if our daughter could attend. I don’t want her spending time with and developing attachments to people who are unlikely to be permanent fixtures, but maybe I’m overthinking? Should I just let her go and give up on enforcing the “6 months” rule that ExH and I had agreed to?

You are being the bad guy. You don't get to judge your ex-husband about this.

Ex-husband shouldn't have to ask you about what he does with his time. Express displeasure with the situation if you really must, then move on. If your kid is emotionally devastated after a breakup with this woman, and it happens two more times, then maybe you think about having a discussion with your ex. Otherwise, you live your life and let him live his.

[Anonymous]

Also, don't answer this, but think about it: how much of your reaction has to do with the fact your ex-husband is dating? (Zero is not credible.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, don't answer this, but think about it: how much of your reaction has to do with the fact your ex-husband is dating? (Zero is not credible.)

I agree. ALso a 4 year old isn't going to care much if daddy brings along a friend on their outing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, don't answer this, but think about it: how much of your reaction has to do with the fact your ex-husband is dating? (Zero is not credible.)

As I wrote in the OP, my ex has been dating since we separated. This is not new. I am also dating; I see my boyfriend when my DD is with her dad or I get a sitter.

I don’t understand the hostility. There are countless posts here about not introducing kids to new partners right away. Read any article about dating as a parent and you’ll see this advice. It’s not like I came to this conclusion on my own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, don't answer this, but think about it: how much of your reaction has to do with the fact your ex-husband is dating? (Zero is not credible.)

As I wrote in the OP, my ex has been dating since we separated. This is not new. I am also dating; I see my boyfriend when my DD is with her dad or I get a sitter.

I don’t understand the hostility. There are countless posts here about not introducing kids to new partners right away. Read any article about dating as a parent and you’ll see this advice. It’s not like I came to this conclusion on my own.

How many of the other girlfriends have met your child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, don't answer this, but think about it: how much of your reaction has to do with the fact your ex-husband is dating? (Zero is not credible.)

As I wrote in the OP, my ex has been dating since we separated. This is not new. I am also dating; I see my boyfriend when my DD is with her dad or I get a sitter.

I don’t understand the hostility. There are countless posts here about not introducing kids to new partners right away. Read any article about dating as a parent and you’ll see this advice. It’s not like I came to this conclusion on my own.

Because you are hurting your child's relationship with her father. So, you really think its better to hire a stranger/babysitter to watch your kid so you can be with your boyfriend? You see your boyfriend during Dad's time and don't dump her on a stranger. Its equally as bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, don't answer this, but think about it: how much of your reaction has to do with the fact your ex-husband is dating? (Zero is not credible.)

As I wrote in the OP, my ex has been dating since we separated. This is not new. I am also dating; I see my boyfriend when my DD is with her dad or I get a sitter.

I don’t understand the hostility. There are countless posts here about not introducing kids to new partners right away. Read any article about dating as a parent and you’ll see this advice. It’s not like I came to this conclusion on my own.

How many of the other girlfriends have met your child?

None, but this is the first girlfriend since ExH has started regular, overnight visitation. (And before anyone starts accusing me of keeping him away from DD, it’s a long story, there were extenuating circumstances, and all parties were in agreement about the custody situation.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, don't answer this, but think about it: how much of your reaction has to do with the fact your ex-husband is dating? (Zero is not credible.)

As I wrote in the OP, my ex has been dating since we separated. This is not new. I am also dating; I see my boyfriend when my DD is with her dad or I get a sitter.

I don’t understand the hostility. There are countless posts here about not introducing kids to new partners right away. Read any article about dating as a parent and you’ll see this advice. It’s not like I came to this conclusion on my own.

Because you are hurting your child's relationship with her father. So, you really think its better to hire a stranger/babysitter to watch your kid so you can be with your boyfriend? You see your boyfriend during Dad's time and don't dump her on a stranger. Its equally as bad.

My kid goes to bed at 7:30. I see nothing wrong with hiring a babysitter to sit with a sleeping child while I’m out of the house. Aside from that, I think all parents, married or single, are entitled to occasional breaks from parenting. If that means hiring a babysitter, fine by me. I’m not going to shame some stranger on the internet for that choice.

[Anonymous]

This is pretty black and white. Unless you have something written into your custody agreement about introduction to partners, it is not your place to police this. Even if you DID have this clause, it is not your place to cut short visitation and you would have to pursue action through court (and frankly no one really cares unless the kid is in imminent danger with the new partner). Actually, it’s pretty sad that he feels he has to ask you about what he does during his time. The whole thing screams of an unhealthy dynamic.

Be careful because he may be documenting this to use against you in gaining more custody.

[Anonymous]

I would save your capital for arguments for other things. Register your preference and move on. You’re divorced and don’t have a full say in his life.

Believe me you’ll want to argue about other things. It’s a marathon not a race. I’d mention it once and leave it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Without first consulting with me, ExH introduced our four year old daughter to his current girlfriend a few weeks ago. I only found out because DD told me about “daddy’s friend” who joined them on their weekend activity. I talked to my ExH (we are on decent terms) and explained that I was not comfortable with him introducing his girlfriend of a few weeks to DD without even discussing it with me. He acknowledged his error and apologized. In theory, I’m not opposed to DD meeting her dad’s girlfriend but I feel that it should be someone that is likely to be a more permanent presence in his life and he can’t possibly know that after a few weeks. We had previously agreed that no introductions should be made until the relationship passed the 6 month mark. (For additional context, ExH is a serial dater; I’m aware of at least 6 girlfriends since we divorced 2 years ago. Two of which he lived with, and one he was engaged to. So from my perspective, the likelihood that this woman even makes it to the 6 month mark is low.)

Since the initial introduction was made, ExH has asked several times if I will allow DD to spend time with new GF and her son. I have refused but ExH’s response has been “ok but we are still going to do xyz” so I end up picking DD up early and cutting short her time with her dad. On one hand, I feel guilty about cutting into their time, but on the other hand, I’m annoyed with ExH for not putting his kid first and making me the bad guy. This weekend coming up is the birthday party for the GF’s son and of course, ExH asked if our daughter could attend. I don’t want her spending time with and developing attachments to people who are unlikely to be permanent fixtures, but maybe I’m overthinking? Should I just let her go and give up on enforcing the “6 months” rule that ExH and I had agreed to?