Former stepdaughter wants a relationship

[Anonymous]

I am a widow, my DH passed away 3 years ago. In fact, for the majority of our short marriage (6 years) he was ill. He was a wonderful man, very kind, very patient, and very taken advantage of by his-then teenage daughter. The fits she threw when she found out he met someone, her behavior at our wedding and her reaction to the news about having a baby brother were just astonishing. She didn't visit her father once at the hospital. She behaved like a total brat at his funeral, was very disrespectful to his elderly parents. She never contacted me after the funeral. The only time I heard anything about her was when her mother called me to ask when the insurance $$ was coming.

I have since sold our house and moved with our son to another area. Last month she found me on social media. She keeps sending messages, I don't respond to them. I don't care for that woman. I don't know what she wants from me but it's certainly not a relationship. She could care less about her brother, she never did. I know she's a college drop out and has been living with her mother. She has her inheritance, DH made sure she was taken care of.

I know blocking her everywhere will solve the problem but I really don't want her to contact my son, at least not until he's 18. Is there anything legally I can do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a widow, my DH passed away 3 years ago. In fact, for the majority of our short marriage (6 years) he was ill. He was a wonderful man, very kind, very patient, and very taken advantage of by his-then teenage daughter. The fits she threw when she found out he met someone, her behavior at our wedding and her reaction to the news about having a baby brother were just astonishing. She didn't visit her father once at the hospital. She behaved like a total brat at his funeral, was very disrespectful to his elderly parents. She never contacted me after the funeral. The only time I heard anything about her was when her mother called me to ask when the insurance $$ was coming.

I have since sold our house and moved with our son to another area. Last month she found me on social media. She keeps sending messages, I don't respond to them. I don't care for that woman. I don't know what she wants from me but it's certainly not a relationship. She could care less about her brother, she never did. I know she's a college drop out and has been living with her mother. She has her inheritance, DH made sure she was taken care of.

I know blocking her everywhere will solve the problem but I really don't want her to contact my son, at least not until he's 18. Is there anything legally I can do?

Perhaps she wants more money or some things from the house. What exactly is she asking for when she messages? To meet up?

Or perhaps she realizes what a jerk she was as a teenager, is sorry, and misses her brother.

Not sure there's anything you can legally do to block her from contacting your son. It's not as if she's threatening him. And perhaps she can continue to dislike you but she and your son can have a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Just keep ignoring.

[Anonymous]

THe house is gone and the deed was in my name. She is a trust fund baby. His exDW got his life insurance and 401K.

When she writes to me, she asks me how I am doing, if I have met anyone, what grade MY son is (she doesn't call him "my brother", she calls him "MY SON"). She puts a lot of stupid emoticons.

[Anonymous]

It may be more effective to hear her out and see what she wants. Otherwise she'll just keep trying to contact you. If she wants a relationship, then explain why you are not interested so she can move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:THe house is gone and the deed was in my name. She is a trust fund baby. His exDW got his life insurance and 401K.

When she writes to me, she asks me how I am doing, if I have met anyone, what grade MY son is (she doesn't call him "my brother", she calls him "MY SON"). She puts a lot of stupid emoticons.

"We're doing fine, settled into our new home and moving on with life. Larlo is in X grade and loves soccer. Hope you're well."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It may be more effective to hear her out and see what she wants. Otherwise she'll just keep trying to contact you. If she wants a relationship, then explain why you are not interested so she can move on.

This.

I also think it's a bit unfair to insist that she never contact her half-brother.

I mean, yes, it's within your rights, at least until he's 18. But it's mean, even if she is a jerk. If she starts trying to get money from you or otherwise manipulate you through her half-brother, then yes, cut off the contact. But until then, why not give her a chance to know her sibling?

[Anonymous]

Teenagers are crazy - I'd respond kindly and set and enforce appropriate boundaries. You're automatically ascribing terrible intentions that may or may not truly exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:THe house is gone and the deed was in my name. She is a trust fund baby. His exDW got his life insurance and 401K.

When she writes to me, she asks me how I am doing, if I have met anyone, what grade MY son is (she doesn't call him "my brother", she calls him "MY SON"). She puts a lot of stupid emoticons.

She's still quite young? Young people use lots of emoticons.

Is there tension in your mind around the fact that your husband left her/your ex some resources? Honestly sounds like it.

[Anonymous]

So she was a teen when her divorced father met someone else, got married, had another child with the new wife, and was ill and died?

Excuse me, but that is COMPLETELY TRAUMATIZING for a teenager to go through. Normal teens with happy home lives can be impossible, but this???

I would forgive her and start afresh. Truly. You have no idea what she suffered during those years. You have no idea how that teen period affected her college years and young adulthood. She's probably scarred for life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:THe house is gone and the deed was in my name. She is a trust fund baby. His exDW got his life insurance and 401K.

When she writes to me, she asks me how I am doing, if I have met anyone, what grade MY son is (she doesn't call him "my brother", she calls him "MY SON"). She puts a lot of stupid emoticons.

Did he not change the beneficiary? That seems crazy, that's like one of the first things you do when you divorce.

[Anonymous]

If she was a crazy teen, she's probably feeling bad and trying to make it up to you now. I'd hear her out, but set firm boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
So she was a teen when her divorced father met someone else, got married, had another child with the new wife, and was ill and died?

Excuse me, but that is COMPLETELY TRAUMATIZING for a teenager to go through. Normal teens with happy home lives can be impossible, but this???

I would forgive her and start afresh. Truly. You have no idea what she suffered during those years. You have no idea how that teen period affected her college years and young adulthood. She's probably scarred for life.

This. Sounds like she has gone through the wringer.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she wants to apologize?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:THe house is gone and the deed was in my name. She is a trust fund baby. His exDW got his life insurance and 401K.

When she writes to me, she asks me how I am doing, if I have met anyone, what grade MY son is (she doesn't call him "my brother", she calls him "MY SON"). She puts a lot of stupid emoticons.

OP, I think it is important that you recognize that you are resentful toward a person who, at the time when she behaved so badly, was a child - a child whose parents divorced, whose father got sick, remarried, had another child, and then died. You have your own feelings about the whole process, but it does not sound like you have done all that much to acknowledge her perspective. Her father left and then DIED. I would be shocked if she behaved WELL in those circumstances.

I don't know from where you are getting the idea that she does not want a relationship. She has reached out to you multiple times, asking how you are doing, how your son is doing, etc. I don't see why you are so upset about someone who does not have a relationship with your son not calling him her brother - it seems like if she asked how "her brother" was doing, you'd be angry that she's claiming a relationship she didn't earn.

I think that you need to explore why your kneejerk hostility is as strong as it is. When did your husband die? How much time has elapsed?