Former stepdaughter wants a relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I trashed my dad’s house when I realized he had a girlfriend and I hated him for years.

I was 18, dumb and immature. Now she’s gone, and here I am taking care of my dad while he is on hospice.

Forgive her. Show her what a healthy relationship looks like.

Your dad should have given you a good thrashing!

[Anonymous]

OP here and resurrecting the thread. She continued contacting me repeatedly on social media. After realizing I wouldn't answer, she began contacting MY relatives saying that she wants to see her brother and that it's her right. I have no desire to ever communicate with that girl. I certainly don't think she should see my son. He's a young boy, very vulnerable and sensitive. I have contacted her mother who was very surprised at this sudden expression of attention. She confirmed that her daughter has been having some mental issues and has done drugs. She's been in rehab. I told her that it would be best if our children were not to meet, too much animosity and that she really shouldn't violate other people's privacy.

[Anonymous]

Probably not necessary based on your update but I would probably tell her just once that you do not wish to be in contact with her. Polite but firm and then at least you can say you tried to amicably resolve the issue in case things escalate.

[Anonymous]

I'm team OP.

Does she know where you live now? Where DS goes to school? Wouldn't be surprised if she shows up a some point.

[Anonymous]

OP, any updates?

[Anonymous]

Um he is her brother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her parents divorced when she was 5. We met when she was 14, married when she was 17. No one stole her father. The only thing she and her mother were concerned when he got sick was "are the child support checks coming?". She never visited him. The only time she'd call him was to ask for money. So "forgive me" if I am resentful and have a "kneejerk" reaction. My parents also divorced when I was young. But I never acted like that towards their new spouses and we had solid relationships. Even though my parents are long gone, I still talk to my stepmother and stepfather.

Again: What do you want to hear? You don't like your stepdaughter, don't talk to her. But we're not going to tell you you're fabulous for making that decision.

I'm Team OP. OP has no obligation to her late DH's DD AT ALL. They never had a relationship and the girl is no one to her. It is no loss to OP to just pretend this person doesn't exist. And it is within OP's rights to deny the stepdaughter access to her own son given that she doesn't know what this person's intentions are. I wouldn't trust her, would you?

Yes but, that girl is the half-sister of OP's son. That is a family tie.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think your update paints you in the light you think it does. It turns out she wants to meet her brother? Mental problems or not, why is that a bad motive? Obviously your ex-step-daughter shouldn’t be alone with your son, but i don’t think it’s weird that someone who had gotten older and done some introspection — even rehab-mandated/inspired introspection — wants to meet her brother. She may have thought calling him your son would butter you up/make it clear she respected your role. I also don’t know why you’d take her mother — who clearly wasn’t interested in you two having any relationship ever — at face value, which it sounds like you’ve done.

[Anonymous]

OP, Please have compassion for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think your update paints you in the light you think it does. It turns out she wants to meet her brother? Mental problems or not, why is that a bad motive? Obviously your ex-step-daughter shouldn’t be alone with your son, but i don’t think it’s weird that someone who had gotten older and done some introspection — even rehab-mandated/inspired introspection — wants to meet her brother. She may have thought calling him your son would butter you up/make it clear she respected your role. I also don’t know why you’d take her mother — who clearly wasn’t interested in you two having any relationship ever — at face value, which it sounds like you’ve done.

The only one that OP should be thinking about is her son.

Hell would have to break lose before I introduced my child to an entitled, possibly druggie sibling.

Too bad the step daughter is going through some tough shit, and some of it may be related to the divorce. Well, she is an adult now, and she has her own mother.

OP's job is to mother her own kid and protect him from the likes of her. Yes, a person who would call my relatives claiming she has the right to a relationship with my child when such a relationship was never established is nuts and entitled. She was a child then; she is no longer a child now, and she is still crazy as eff.

Keep her far away from your son OP. He can decide what he wants to do with that relationship when he grow up.

[Anonymous]

It's pretty incredible that many seem to have empathy for OP's stepdaughter, and yet fail to consider what OP might have been going through taking care of both a young child and a dying husband with an impossible ex-wife and difficult teenage step daughter.

That can be very traumatizing.

OP should take care of her son and herself.

[Anonymous]

Team OP.

Actions have consequences. The SD acted like a brat for the end of her father's life. Now she doesn't have a relationship with her half brother and her step mother actively dislikes her.

Natural consequence in action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here and resurrecting the thread. She continued contacting me repeatedly on social media. After realizing I wouldn't answer, she began contacting MY relatives saying that she wants to see her brother and that it's her right. I have no desire to ever communicate with that girl. I certainly don't think she should see my son. He's a young boy, very vulnerable and sensitive. I have contacted her mother who was very surprised at this sudden expression of attention. She confirmed that her daughter has been having some mental issues and has done drugs. She's been in rehab. I told her that it would be best if our children were not to meet, too much animosity and that she really shouldn't violate other people's privacy.

Tell her to get lost, you want no contact with her. If she doesn't stop harassing you, you will go to the police.

Your son may choose to contact her when he is an adult but until then, it's your choice.

I'm on your side all the way here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's pretty incredible that many seem to have empathy for OP's stepdaughter, and yet fail to consider what OP might have been going through taking care of both a young child and a dying husband with an impossible ex-wife and difficult teenage step daughter.

That can be very traumatizing.

OP should take care of her son and herself.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Her parents divorced when she was 5. We met when she was 14, married when she was 17. No one stole her father. The only thing she and her mother were concerned when he got sick was "are the child support checks coming?". She never visited him. The only time she'd call him was to ask for money. So "forgive me" if I am resentful and have a "kneejerk" reaction. My parents also divorced when I was young. But I never acted like that towards their new spouses and we had solid relationships. Even though my parents are long gone, I still talk to my stepmother and stepfather.

Again: What do you want to hear? You don't like your stepdaughter, don't talk to her. But we're not going to tell you you're fabulous for making that decision.

I'm Team OP. OP has no obligation to her late DH's DD AT ALL. They never had a relationship and the girl is no one to her. It is no loss to OP to just pretend this person doesn't exist. And it is within OP's rights to deny the stepdaughter access to her own son given that she doesn't know what this person's intentions are. I wouldn't trust her, would you?

Yes but, that girl is the half-sister of OP's son. That is a family tie.

So what is your point? Not all family is worth bothering with.