[Need guy's perspective] Would you be turned off by this? Any way to gain back his interest?

[Anonymous]

I messed up our first date, I think. We met through an adult class and he showed strong interest in me since the very beginning, perhaps even infatuation. After the class was finished, he started texting and has told me many times that he likes me over text but I didn't expressly said I like him too. On our first date, we met outdoors (so no sleeping together even though he clearly wanted to) but passionately kissed many times which was great (he was from a Latin country so he's a lot more passionate than Americans/Western Europeans). But the not so great points from me were:

- He held my hands, interlocked, and I sort of pulled away after a while and gave him a more casual hand holding because I was scared this bf/gf vibe is coming too soon

- He suggested we video call sometime and again I declined. Same reason as above

- He asked me a couple of times if I wanted him and I was ambiguous. Even though I want him. Not very wise, I know

- I confronted him on a suspected behavior (something in the line of stalking me), which might have embarrassed him. I really shouldn't have asked but at that point, I was concerned he was a stalker.

Will guys be "offended"/hurt and thus pull away because of the above? We ended the date amicably and he asked when he gets to see me next time (I answered next week). I texted him two days later to say I think about him a lot but his response was swift but cold. Instead of saying he thinks about me, he said he is also thinking about "it". He gave me a kiss and that's the last communication.

Do you think he has pulled away because of my behavior? Because he didn't get to sleep with me on the first date? I thought about calling him to show that I care but if it's more likely he has found another target, I'll save myself from being a fool...

[Anonymous]

Wait: he asked if you "want" him? As in want him sexually?

That's kind of gross on a first date.

Between that and your nervousness about stalkerish behavior, I'd steer clear. (Almost seems like your antennae were up around this guy and were warning you *not* to be super-warm. Trust that instinct!)

[Anonymous]

OP here. I should add that he's a Latin guy with basic English and I know no Spanish. I think they just tend to be more passionate and direct. If it's an America I'd lose him already.

And it's first date but we built up a lot of tension when we took the class together already. He just didn't start contacting in private until the course is over

[Anonymous]

Do you think he has pulled away because of my behavior? Because he didn't get to sleep with me on the first date? I thought about calling him to show that I care but if it's more likely he has found another target, I'll save myself from being a fool...

Yes....but...do you really want a guy who is so obviously after you for just sex? You are a conquest. And he didn't score. Next.

Please don't lose sleep over the kind of guy who asks "do you WANT me?" on the first date. Nope. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I should add that he's a Latin guy with basic English and I know no Spanish. I think they just tend to be more passionate and direct. If it's an America I'd lose him already.

And it's first date but we built up a lot of tension when we took the class together already. He just didn't start contacting in private until the course is over

That's a very broad stereotype (speaking here as a Latina!).

It's one thing to ask "are you interested in me/do you like me?" but quite another to press for sex the first time you guys hang out outside class.

At this point, you should just be deciding if you like each other, not fending off immediate efforts to get you into bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I should add that he's a Latin guy with basic English and I know no Spanish. I think they just tend to be more passionate and direct. If it's an America I'd lose him already.

And it's first date but we built up a lot of tension when we took the class together already. He just didn't start contacting in private until the course is over

That's a very broad stereotype (speaking here as a Latina!).

It's one thing to ask "are you interested in me/do you like me?" but quite another to press for sex the first time you guys hang out outside class.

At this point, you should just be deciding if you like each other, not fending off immediate efforts to get you into bed.

He said a few times he likes me and he also asked me if I liked him in person. He might have meant whether I "want to be with him" but as I mentioned, his spoken English is basic (reading wise fine) and with his strong accent, I couldnt always understand him. That's why I am not sure of his intention. But he certainly didnt pressure me into sex that day.

Sorry if the stereotype offends. I should just say he fits that stereotype and generally more passionate and expressive about his feelings.

[Anonymous]

OP, sounds to me like you were indirect with him. I mean I understand your reaction to him coming on strong in a couple of cases. But you didn't say, I like you but this is too fast. You just let him think you felt ambivalent towards him. So why shouldn't he take you at face value?

On another note, I don't know if I would be all that comfortable with that guy but you seem to like him a lot. You need to tell him; not let him guess. That's not fair.

Call him up and ask him out and explain your feelings to him. And then if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. But you're expecting him to figure out how you're feeling without you explaining it.

[Anonymous]

I think you dodged a bullet OP. Lots of red flags

[Anonymous]

I'm not a guy, but OP, this guy did something and your immediate reaction is was it me? Your post flagged me to you more than it did to him. You clearly are uncomfortable with setting boundaries and with causing people to not be happy with you. You're the issue, yes. But not in the way you think. This guy came on too strong, you didn't appreciate it, you set boundaries, and when he didn't like it, you went back on those boundaries and now are in a self-loathing mode. You need to ask yourself why that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you dodged a bullet OP. Lots of red flags

This. Big time.

[Anonymous]

Guy here.
He sounds weird. I'd consider myself lucky if I were you. Taking a woman by the hand is okay on a first date if you're trying to make physical contact to show interest. You have to pick up on the chemistry though. If you two "passionately kissed" then clearly you felt something. Was it stalking or just googling you? I do the latter sometimes for basic info so I know the person isn't married, crazy, or a pathological liar (run into all three). Anything beyond that...stalking is always a "do not pass go."

This doesn't sound like your situation, but I've been in a position where a woman didn't seem interested after a few dates, so I faded away. She called me to see why I'd disappeared. I told her I didn't think we had chemistry and that she didn't seem that interested. She assured me it wasn't the case and asked for another date. We went out two more times, but it was the same thing, so I broke it off with her for good. If you really like him, you can try reaching out, but I personally would avoid him.

[Anonymous]

You behaved appropriately, and he was pushing things faster than you wanted. If that ends things with him, you are better off. God knows you would not bet feeling better about this now if you had slept with him and then he had dumped you. Guy here.

[Anonymous]

He creeps me out and I'm just reading this. Do not walk toward this guy; run away.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your gut was telling you that you’re either not into him or need to move at a much slower pace. Why do you ignore your gut?

[Anonymous]

Ewww. He's so gross. Run...