[Need guy's perspective] Would you be turned off by this? Any way to gain back his interest?

[Anonymous]

Guy here - he even creeped me out. Stay away from him.

[Anonymous]

Um this seems like a hot mess. Please don't spend any more time on this.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I seemed to have convinced everyone that he's a creep because I focused on the problems. He's very charming in person, everyone in class likes him, etc (think the Latin charm stereotype) and definitely the kind of guy who can get himself laid easily.

As for my feelings, I am definitely physically attracted to him and I felt strong chemistry with him. But I also wanna make sure he is not the possessive type because one day it doesn't work out and they might do crazy things (I have experience with that).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I seemed to have convinced everyone that he's a creep because I focused on the problems. He's very charming in person, everyone in class likes him, etc (think the Latin charm stereotype) and definitely the kind of guy who can get himself laid easily.

As for my feelings, I am definitely physically attracted to him and I felt strong chemistry with him. But I also wanna make sure he is not the possessive type because one day it doesn't work out and they might do crazy things (I have experience with that).

Look, you keep stressing the Latin aspect. We didn't all just fall off the turnip truck here. You're not the first person to date a Latin guy. We are ALL telling you this guy is bad news. If you want to go fork him, then do it. We all think you're wrong to get involved though, but you're an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here.
He sounds weird. I'd consider myself lucky if I were you. Taking a woman by the hand is okay on a first date if you're trying to make physical contact to show interest. You have to pick up on the chemistry though. If you two "passionately kissed" then clearly you felt something. Was it stalking or just googling you? I do the latter sometimes for basic info so I know the person isn't married, crazy, or a pathological liar (run into all three). Anything beyond that...stalking is always a "do not pass go."

This doesn't sound like your situation, but I've been in a position where a woman didn't seem interested after a few dates, so I faded away. She called me to see why I'd disappeared. I told her I didn't think we had chemistry and that she didn't seem that interested. She assured me it wasn't the case and asked for another date. We went out two more times, but it was the same thing, so I broke it off with her for good. If you really like him, you can try reaching out, but I personally would avoid him.

By the way, he denied that he stalked me. That said, the language barrier makes it impossible for me to tell if his explanation makes sense. Another poster said this is a hot mess, he might be right...

Your case probably applies to me. I was brought up in a culture where feelings are suppressed, like girls should wait to be chased, my mom taught me to only say yes to one date out of three dates the guy asked, etc. which of course is utter BS. But you get the idea. So yeah, most of the time, I'm bad at expressing my affection especially to guys I'm attracted to.

[Anonymous]

I spent some time in Latin America. From my experience the guys come on really strong, talk a good game about how much they like you, and push for physicality. It’s kind of the culture/game/how they talk. It’s normal. But it doesn’t mean he’s actually head over heels for you. He might be saying that to 20 girls at once. I found it really confusing and off putting because I could never tell if the guy was being real or not.

I don’t think anything you said should have been enough to turn off someone genuinely interested. This guy might have been playing the game with you and right now has found some easier conquest. I hope you find someone who you feel you can trust and be yourself with. This guy doesn’t sound like that.

[Anonymous]

Forget whether or not he likes you or is pulling away, the only question is DO YOU LIKE HIM? Figure that out and then proceed from there.

[Anonymous]

So many red flags. Want a quick hook up followed by he might be a stalker? Go for it. Want quick sex with no strings? Keep looking. Want a relationship outside of bed? He’s not the one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I seemed to have convinced everyone that he's a creep because I focused on the problems. He's very charming in person, everyone in class likes him, etc (think the Latin charm stereotype) and definitely the kind of guy who can get himself laid easily.

As for my feelings, I am definitely physically attracted to him and I felt strong chemistry with him. But I also wanna make sure he is not the possessive type because one day it doesn't work out and they might do crazy things (I have experience with that).

It’s pretty telling that none of the “positives” you detail are actually positives.

[Anonymous]

But OP, you seem like you don't know what YOU actually want. Focus on you. And if you are turned on by somebody -- f'ing own it. Pull back, push forward, worrying if he likes you or not. I haven't heard you say that YOU like HIM. Do you? Or do you just want to be liked?

We can't give him advice, but you? Be you. Stop trying to be somebody else and worrying about what THEY want. Stop. Admittedly, he was a big red flag, but you are just as big of a red flag to me. Flap flap flap, your own red-flagginess is waving out there in the wind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But OP, you seem like you don't know what YOU actually want. Focus on you. And if you are turned on by somebody -- f'ing own it. Pull back, push forward, worrying if he likes you or not. I haven't heard you say that YOU like HIM. Do you? Or do you just want to be liked?

We can't give him advice, but you? Be you. Stop trying to be somebody else and worrying about what THEY want. Stop. Admittedly, he was a big red flag, but you are just as big of a red flag to me. Flap flap flap, your own red-flagginess is waving out there in the wind.

This.

OP, what do you want? Do you really like him?
Also, OP said “stalk” but did not elaborate. What was it exactly?
American women are not used to men like this, but in many parts of the world, a man coming on strong like this is pretty normal. We American women simply never learned how to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Apart from the obvious red flags about his behavior, why do you want to date someone who only speaks basic English if you don't speak any Spanish?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But OP, you seem like you don't know what YOU actually want. Focus on you. And if you are turned on by somebody -- f'ing own it. Pull back, push forward, worrying if he likes you or not. I haven't heard you say that YOU like HIM. Do you? Or do you just want to be liked?

We can't give him advice, but you? Be you. Stop trying to be somebody else and worrying about what THEY want. Stop. Admittedly, he was a big red flag, but you are just as big of a red flag to me. Flap flap flap, your own red-flagginess is waving out there in the wind.

This.

OP, what do you want? Do you really like him?
Also, OP said “stalk” but did not elaborate. What was it exactly?
American women are not used to men like this, but in many parts of the world, a man coming on strong like this is pretty normal. We American women simply never learned how to deal with it.

The fact the OP posted this tells me that she does really like him and wants to gain back his interest.

How do you really feel about this guy? Proceed from there.

[Anonymous]

How is this even an issue? He sounds like an ass who wants sex only. There is a reason he is single. Run fast.

[Anonymous]

If cultural differences and the language barrier is causes you problems on a first date, imagine what problems they'll cause later on in a committed relationship.

If you want to sleep with him, do so. But I wouldn't count on a relationship with him.