Do you get your adopted child a “Gotcha” gift?

[Anonymous]

How do you celebrate it and what do you get? Thanks.

[Anonymous]

No, we did a college fund but ours was a newborn. We to court, had lunch with birthparents who attended and done. Then, took the adoption tax credit for the college fund.

Gotcha is a dumb term as you already have the child. Its adoption finalization day and for an older kid, take them out to their favorite restaurant and get a nice gift like you would a birthday.

[Anonymous]

We adopted an older sibling pair. We don't use the term "gotcha" but instead use the term "Family Birthday". But always be careful with this concept, as there are still very painful loss issues involved.

[Anonymous]

And we usually have a cake and then either do something or get a present that the whole family can use.

[Anonymous]

Never. I loathe "gotcha". Children are not prizes to be captured and the day is a profound ambivalence in my family.

[Anonymous]

No, but my kid was only 2 weeks old when he came home, so it's very close to his birthday. I think that if they were further apart, I might be able to find the energy for two gifts. We do sometimes go out for dinner, if the timing is right although as the parent of an older teen, it can sometimes be hard to find time for dinner together.

To the person saying that "gotcha" is a weird term because it's "finalization", we acknowledge the day my child came into my home, not the day we finalized. I don't use the term gotcha day, we just say "This is the day you came home."

[Anonymous]

No. I don't even have memorized the date she became legally ours. But adoption is born out of loss, always - the loss of a bond between a mother and her child. That's not something to celebrate.

[Anonymous]

agreed. "gotcha" sounds like abduction to me! we call it "family day" and ensure we give thanks to our daughter's birth family and celebrate our family with a lowkey dinner.

[Anonymous]

I don't loathe Gotcha day as I think it's well meaning but we personally don't really celebrate it because I also have biological kids and I didn't want to make it seem like our adoption dd has an extra birthday every year. Dinner out is what we usually do if we dont have sports or activities etc etc. We always acknowledge it but dont mark it with presents or anything. That said we were placed with our dd at 18 hours old and took her home from the hospital, I can see gotcha day having a much greater meaning with the adoption of older kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I don't even have memorized the date she became legally ours. But adoption is born out of loss, always - the loss of a bond between a mother and her child. That's not something to celebrate.

My child lost their mother, and their father (although he was never identified, so that's a different kind of loss). Later, he became part of our family. Although I strongly believe that unethical practices in adoption can and frequently do cause children to lose their birth families, in my child's situation those two things were definitely separate. If adoption hadn't been an option, then he simply wouldn't have had a family, or would have been in foster care.

So, while the loss is hard, and something to be mourned, the fact that he ended up in our family isn't, and is worth celebrating.

[Anonymous]

My parents would sometimes mention the anniversary of my adopted siblings joining our family, but they didn't get gifts or anything like that. Sometimes my mom would cook their favorite meal, other times my dad would realize the date and would start reminiscing.

[Anonymous]

I think the question is for the actual adoption day, not celebrating every year. We don't celebrate every year. That is silly. Once they are adopted, they are our children so its a non-issue. Most kids are infants when adopted. For an older child, nice meal, cake and present for adoption day.

Most kids would be adopted if you didn't adopt them. Its the older/hard to place kids who would not be. You adopt for your needs, not thiers.

[Anonymous]

Adult adoptee here (adopted as an older infant). My oarents have always, and now in my late 30’s, still celebrate my “gotcha day.” It’s basically a mini-birthday... when i was a kid i would get a small gift like a CD (ROFL) or book, and I would get to choose what we had for dinner. It was a nice “family anniversary” kind of thing, and my sibling who is also adopted had theirs celebrated the same way.
No birth kids so there wasn’t any weird comparison.
Now as an adult i still get a small gift and typically a call from my mom. It’s still nice to have the date acknowledged, although i think part of it is that it WAS always acknowledged so there’s no good way of stopping
DH (not adopted) honestly doesn’t get it, but in some ways it’s more my birthday than my birthday. My birthday is the day I was born, but my gotcha day is the day that made me “me.”
Backstory: was already surrendered and in foster care, closed adoption, and I’ve never considered that adoption “broke up my birth family” or etc. i didn’t really HAVE a birth family, ya know? So gotcha day is completely a positive thing in my book. Yes, the name might be kinda silly, but it’s what people called it back then and my parents adopted (ha) the name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adult adoptee here (adopted as an older infant). My oarents have always, and now in my late 30’s, still celebrate my “gotcha day.” It’s basically a mini-birthday... when i was a kid i would get a small gift like a CD (ROFL) or book, and I would get to choose what we had for dinner. It was a nice “family anniversary” kind of thing, and my sibling who is also adopted had theirs celebrated the same way.
No birth kids so there wasn’t any weird comparison.
Now as an adult i still get a small gift and typically a call from my mom. It’s still nice to have the date acknowledged, although i think part of it is that it WAS always acknowledged so there’s no good way of stopping
DH (not adopted) honestly doesn’t get it, but in some ways it’s more my birthday than my birthday. My birthday is the day I was born, but my gotcha day is the day that made me “me.”
Backstory: was already surrendered and in foster care, closed adoption, and I’ve never considered that adoption “broke up my birth family” or etc. i didn’t really HAVE a birth family, ya know? So gotcha day is completely a positive thing in my book. Yes, the name might be kinda silly, but it’s what people called it back then and my parents adopted (ha) the name.

Nice point. I think its different with foster care vs. newborn adoption. We got our child from the hospital the day after birth so to me that was gotcha day. Everyone's birth family situation is different and there are a few posters who really push the negativity.

[Anonymous]

We don’t celebrate it. It means more to me than to my kids. Two of mine went through really tough times dealing with the abandonment part of adoption. It wouldn’t feel right to shove it in their face every year.