Do you get your adopted child a “Gotcha” gift?
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Anonymous
| Adoptive mom of 10 years and never heard of this before. Don’t think my kids would like it. It just highlights the adoption and that they are different. We celebrate birthdays like anyone else. |
Anonymous
| We used to celebrate it as family day. No presents or anything but we would do something as a family like go out for ice cream or something. We now belong to a transracial adoption support group we meet with monthly and one of the facilitators is an adult adoptee. He said most adoptees he knows don't like it and didnt care for it as kids. He said they were happy to celebrate birthdays and not draw attention to the adoption day every year. |
Anonymous
| I’m still unclear if you are talking about the day you took custody or the day of finalization. |
Anonymous
I don't see how one person can speak for everyone but I do agree once kids get older they don't like to draw attention to it. |
Anonymous
| No, we do not. I’m also an adult adoptee and my parents didn’t celebrate it, so perhaps I’m just carrying on their non-tradition with my own kids. In the adoption groups I’m a part of, it seems most adoptees who have an opinion either way don’t care for it, but there are plenty of adoptees who do like it. |
Anonymous
DP — there was no claim to speaking for everyone in the post you quoted. |
Anonymous
| I am an adoptee and I hate the word gotcha. The day, if ritualized, should be a day like Memorial Day. It should be up to the adoptee how s/he wants to spend it. I know for me my parents celebrated it but it always was a bittersweet day for me and as I got older I asked my parents not to celebrate it anymore - usually I use it as a day of reflection. |
Anonymous
| Btw I have also heard of this day referred to as a “traumaversary”. |
Anonymous
That's absurd. |
Anonymous
No it isn't. The day my child came into my care was the day the police broke down a door and removed her and she saw her bio father arrested. And if you have ever heard a bio mother cry when parental rights are terminated.you would understand it is not something to celebrate. |
Anonymous
You are extremely disrespectful to those adopted children who really suffer due to their abandonment issues. PTSD, adoption trauma and attachment disorders are very real issues that some adopted children experience. Some are never capable of moving on and living productive lives. |
Anonymous
Yes, I've done TPR hearings as a professional. But, when it comes to that, except on a rare occasion, parents had many chances to get it together and the child deserves a family. There are many kids of adoptions and to lump it all together is absurd. If you don't agree with adoption, you could have kept your child under guardianship and let the parents maintain their rights. |
Anonymous
They are very real but the majority of people adopted are not experiencing those. It also depends on what kind of adoption it is. And, some of that is also parenting on the adoptive parents if they don't understand many of these kids have family histories of mental health, substance abuse and much more. Its not disrespectful and wording is very important. A select group, most who have mental health issues, push the negativity in adoption and not everyone feels that way who is adopted. My child does not have trauma, PTSA or attachment disorder. |
Anonymous
|
Excuse me... "gotcha"? What a profoundly tasteless term in this context. Worse than "push present". |
Anonymous
It isn't up to the foster parent whether the bios maintain their rights and you should know it. |