Do you get your adopted child a “Gotcha” gift?

[Anonymous]

I know several adopted children who perceive themselves to have been abandoned, luckily my child does not share a traumatic "take" on her adoptive status (similar to the previous poster).

We have used the term "Gotcha" in relation to the day that we GOT her (versus HAD her). It is literal, and not offensive in our family.

No need for DCUM posters to judge how other families---especially families that are thriving---have navigated these issues.

[Anonymous]

I’m an adult adopted and asked my parents to stop celebrating it. Instead of making me feel special it was a reminder that I was adopted and reminded me of my anger about their inabilities to talk about race and other things that have impacted me. I plan to adopt myself, from my native country, but do not plan on celebrating it. Also... “gotcha” is godawful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Btw I have also heard of this day referred to as a “traumaversary”.

That's absurd.

No it isn't. The day my child came into my care was the day the police broke down a door and removed her and she saw her bio father arrested. And if you have ever heard a bio mother cry when parental rights are terminated.you would understand it is not something to celebrate.

Yes, I've done TPR hearings as a professional. But, when it comes to that, except on a rare occasion, parents had many chances to get it together and the child deserves a family.

There are many kids of adoptions and to lump it all together is absurd.

If you don't agree with adoption, you could have kept your child under guardianship and let the parents maintain their rights.

You have zero empathy.

Also, your post is all about the parents feelings. It may come as a shock to you but the adopted children are human beings. They often have complicated feelings about the events in their lives.

Ugh. I really hope you don’t have children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, we were in China both times (two adoptions) for at least three weeks so I just generally think of that whole MONTH as our first month together as a family (interestingly, it was the same exact month for both our kids, just four years apart! Who knew?!?!) and it is ALSO National Adoption Month, (really!!!) so we always feel like that whole month is already recognized for us. Anything else puts too fine a point on it. For us.

PS. Moms, above all else, please do not put your child's "gotchaversary" on FB. Yikes.

People do this??!!??

That is beyond horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Btw I have also heard of this day referred to as a “traumaversary”.

That's absurd.

No it isn't. The day my child came into my care was the day the police broke down a door and removed her and she saw her bio father arrested. And if you have ever heard a bio mother cry when parental rights are terminated.you would understand it is not something to celebrate.

I'm confused. I didn't think OP was referring to the day that the child came into your care, but the day that the adoption becomes final. While I'm sure this day can also result in feelings of loss, it also hopefully also comes with a sense of permamancy after a volatile period. It's the day the child stops having to worry that they'll end up in a different foster home.

I'm sorry for everything your child experienced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m an adult adopted and asked my parents to stop celebrating it. Instead of making me feel special it was a reminder that I was adopted and reminded me of my anger about their inabilities to talk about race and other things that have impacted me. I plan to adopt myself, from my native country, but do not plan on celebrating it. Also... “gotcha” is godawful.

Agreed! I know it’s trying to be cute and play on words, but come on! I did a double take the first time I heard it . Gotcha! Sounds so much like taking something that’s not yours. In the context of adoption I can’t believe people would use terms that mimic stealing.

[Anonymous]

Dear lord don't use the word GOTCHA. That's AWFUL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Btw I have also heard of this day referred to as a “traumaversary”.

That's absurd.

No it isn't. The day my child came into my care was the day the police broke down a door and removed her and she saw her bio father arrested. And if you have ever heard a bio mother cry when parental rights are terminated.you would understand it is not something to celebrate.

I'm confused. I didn't think OP was referring to the day that the child came into your care, but the day that the adoption becomes final. While I'm sure this day can also result in feelings of loss, it also hopefully also comes with a sense of permamancy after a volatile period. It's the day the child stops having to worry that they'll end up in a different foster home.

I'm sorry for everything your child experienced.

I think the point is, there is no one single way an adoptive child will feel about adoption, so you can't dictate that they will want to celebrate the day of adoption as the day the child "stops having to worry." that's a lot of projection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Btw I have also heard of this day referred to as a “traumaversary”.

That's absurd.

No it isn't. The day my child came into my care was the day the police broke down a door and removed her and she saw her bio father arrested. And if you have ever heard a bio mother cry when parental rights are terminated.you would understand it is not something to celebrate.

I'm confused. I didn't think OP was referring to the day that the child came into your care, but the day that the adoption becomes final. While I'm sure this day can also result in feelings of loss, it also hopefully also comes with a sense of permamancy after a volatile period. It's the day the child stops having to worry that they'll end up in a different foster home.

I'm sorry for everything your child experienced.

Every kid’s story is different. My child experienced an enormous amount of trauma including the death of his parents who he loved very much. But in our case, that event was separate from him entering our family as there was a long hospitalization between. Leaving the hospital and reenetering a family warrants some kind of acknowledgement. That doesn’t mean I celebrate the loss that came before, it just means that I celebrate the fact that we could be there for each other after a period when he had no one.

We haven’t had our first anniversary so haven’t made a decision about how to mark the day.