Telling your daughter she’s pretty every now and then- good thing or bad?

[Anonymous]

My DD is pretty but I only tell her that when she wears something nice, dressy or when she beaming smiling or asks. When she does ask, I tell her she looks good without makeup versus when she puts it on. I wonder does it go to their heads? Should I not do it often? DD has little esteem so she’s always asking me if I think she’s pretty. I go into the whole song and dance it’s what’s inside that counts. Yata, yatta.

[Anonymous]

I always tell DD that she's pretty (lovely, beautiful, etc), because that's my opinion!!! I also commend hard work, effort, and various other things.
I do the same for my son.

But don't worry - when they're teens, they always think they're ugly and your opinion doesn't count anymore

[Anonymous]

I would NOT exclusively tell her she's pretty when she's dressed up etc. I tell my girls they are beautiful, but I tell them all the time - when they are in PJs, when they are dressed up, when they look ordinary - and I tell them they are so beautiful to me because I love them so much.

My mom commented on my appearance only rarely, and only when I REALLY looked good (or thin) and I think it messed me up far more than it would have if I'd heard it all the time.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s worse not to talk about looks. At least if she’s getting compliments from her parents, she’s hopefully not going to cling to the first guy who calls her pretty. But I do think it’s important to compliment her on her natural beauty, tell her she looks healthy/radiant after exercise or a good night’s sleep or when she’s laughing, etc. If you only tell her she’s pretty when she’s dressed up, she’s going to be obsessed with clothes/makeup.

[Anonymous]

Tell her she is pretty. Often, but not constantly. Unfortunately, we still live in a world where a woman's worth is largely weighed by her physical appearance. My mom was of the Hippie generation (she wasn't one - but had some of their ideals). My parents thought that women should not be valued by their looks (a nice ideal, but not the reality of our society). They seldom told me I was pretty or similar things. As a result, I am well into middle age and don't believe people who compliment me on my looks - it makes me uncomfortable. I also don't look at myself as pretty - but objectively, looking at old pictures, I don't think that is accurate.

[Anonymous]

I tell both my son and my daughter they are beautiful all the time, no matter what they look like. They are both always beautiful to me.

[Anonymous]

Tell her she’s pretty! And smart, hard-working, funny, caring, talented, etc. Tell her she looks nice when she dresses up. Tell her her hair looks great when she makes a special effort. It’s ok!

[Anonymous]

Go ahead, tell her she looks good. It's possible, though, that she will eventually realize that you were only saying that because you are her mother. Reality will slap her in her lovely face.

Or....she'll totally believe you and become too obnoxious to tolerate.

I think a nice happy medium is telling your kids "Hey, you look sharp today!" or "I love your hair like that!" without trying to convince them they have enviable classic features.

[Anonymous]

I always tell my son he is pretty when I make him wear the pink frock with the ribbons and bows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tell both my son and my daughter they are beautiful all the time, no matter what they look like. They are both always beautiful to me.

+1 but my kids always say, "that's because you're my mom so you have to say it".. lol.

[Anonymous]

I tell her "you are my beautiful".

[Anonymous]

When I used to ask my mother if something looked good on me she'd say "you are young and beautiful, everything looks good on you". Which used to drive me crazy because I wanted feedback! But now I love it, and also see how right she was haha.

I think if saying "you're beautiful" is the ONLY compliment you are giving, that's where the trouble starts. Find lots of things to compliment (ex: you are so clever! or "that was really good reasoning" or "I love how you figured that out on your own")

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her she’s pretty! And smart, hard-working, funny, caring, talented, etc. Tell her she looks nice when she dresses up. Tell her her hair looks great when she makes a special effort. It’s ok!

YES

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I tell her "you are my beautiful".

I do the same, then list off her sense of humor, how kind she is to her brother, what a good friend she is, and how much she's a helper around the house. She's hilarious and wicked smart. So, yeah, she's beautiful.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure it matters what your parents say. My parents told me I was pretty, and it didn't matter so much. My brothers told me I was ugly, my friends made it clear I was "different" and those are the comments that mattered.