Telling your daughter she’s pretty every now and then- good thing or bad?

[Anonymous]

I tell her she's beautiful all the time. I think that's the key. Like when she has bedhead. I compliment all aspects of her evenly and genuinely.

When she is done up with makeup, say glamorous not beautiful.

[Anonymous]

This is going to sound awful and I am sure I will be flamed.

Now that I am older I realize how pretty I was when I was young. I am still ok now that I am older but just ok. I remember when I was young and pretty and being so excited about whatever - a new outfit, hairstyle, makeup - and I would ask my mother how I looked before I left for school each morning. Her standard response was "You look fine." Just fine. Not pretty, not beautiful, etc.

I kind of wish she once told me I looked pretty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is going to sound awful and I am sure I will be flamed.

Now that I am older I realize how pretty I was when I was young. I am still ok now that I am older but just ok. I remember when I was young and pretty and being so excited about whatever - a new outfit, hairstyle, makeup - and I would ask my mother how I looked before I left for school each morning. Her standard response was "You look fine." Just fine. Not pretty, not beautiful, etc.

I kind of wish she once told me I looked pretty.

I don't think it's awful. I think mothers SHOULD tell their kids they are beautiful. Because they are.

[Anonymous]

I am feeling pretty depressed by the focus on looks.

I do acknowledge, jokingly, when my kids have put some effort into their appearance: "Wow, you clean up nice!" "Oooh, very sharp!" but I would never tell them that, in effect, their innate physical appearance conforms to conventionally accepted standards.

[Anonymous]

I think my daughters are the most beautiful people I've ever seen in my life and I can't help but tell them that. It just falls out of my mouth.

[Anonymous]

If you don’t tell her that she’s pretty, she won’t then believe herself to be kind. She will just think that you don’t think she’s pretty. I do not understand how people think that omitting one thing makes another thing apparent. Compliment people. Not only your children, but people in general, and let others see and learn the value of making other people get a compliment on their looks or dress or shoes or attitude. Whatever it is, it’s worth saying out loud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD is pretty but I only tell her that when she wears something nice, dressy or when she beaming smiling or asks. When she does ask, I tell her she looks good without makeup versus when she puts it on. I wonder does it go to their heads? Should I not do it often? DD has little esteem so she’s always asking me if I think she’s pretty. I go into the whole song and dance it’s what’s inside that counts. Yata, yatta.

absolutely tell her! not even a question in my mind.

[Anonymous]

Huh. My mom never said anything about being pretty or beautiful but of course had her hand in my hair and clothes as I was growing up. I know she had self-esteem issues but I think she grew up with a mindset that you don't go around bragging (Minnesota, you know). That would be a Nellie Oleson kind of thing to do (as in the Laura Ingalls Wilder books). Did that impact my self-esteem? Not sure but never thought about it before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is going to sound awful and I am sure I will be flamed.

Now that I am older I realize how pretty I was when I was young. I am still ok now that I am older but just ok. I remember when I was young and pretty and being so excited about whatever - a new outfit, hairstyle, makeup - and I would ask my mother how I looked before I left for school each morning. Her standard response was "You look fine." Just fine. Not pretty, not beautiful, etc.

I kind of wish she once told me I looked pretty.

I don't think it's awful. I think mothers SHOULD tell their kids they are beautiful. Because they are.

+1
Kind of seems like a no-brainer. I can't believe there are parents who actually think they *shouldn't* tell their kids they're beautiful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am feeling pretty depressed by the focus on looks.

I do acknowledge, jokingly, when my kids have put some effort into their appearance: "Wow, you clean up nice!" "Oooh, very sharp!" but I would never tell them that, in effect, their innate physical appearance conforms to conventionally accepted standards.

Excuse me while I vomit. Your poor kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think my daughters are the most beautiful people I've ever seen in my life and I can't help but tell them that. It just falls out of my mouth.

Same here. And my sons, as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t tell her that she’s pretty, she won’t then believe herself to be kind. She will just think that you don’t think she’s pretty. I do not understand how people think that omitting one thing makes another thing apparent. Compliment people. Not only your children, but people in general, and let others see and learn the value of making other people get a compliment on their looks or dress or shoes or attitude. Whatever it is, it’s worth saying out loud.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD is pretty but I only tell her that when she wears something nice, dressy or when she beaming smiling or asks. When she does ask, I tell her she looks good without makeup versus when she puts it on. I wonder does it go to their heads? Should I not do it often? DD has little esteem so she’s always asking me if I think she’s pretty. I go into the whole song and dance it’s what’s inside that counts. Yata, yatta.

If she's always asking and has low self-esteem, then even telling her all the time that she's pretty will not help. It seems like there are deeper issues that need to be addressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am feeling pretty depressed by the focus on looks.

I do acknowledge, jokingly, when my kids have put some effort into their appearance: "Wow, you clean up nice!" "Oooh, very sharp!" but I would never tell them that, in effect, their innate physical appearance conforms to conventionally accepted standards.

Excuse me while I vomit. Your poor kids.

My kids are gorgeous, funny, kind, and smart AF. I'm showing them what I value by what I comment on.

As are we all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is pretty but I only tell her that when she wears something nice, dressy or when she beaming smiling or asks. When she does ask, I tell her she looks good without makeup versus when she puts it on. I wonder does it go to their heads? Should I not do it often? DD has little esteem so she’s always asking me if I think she’s pretty. I go into the whole song and dance it’s what’s inside that counts. Yata, yatta.

If she's always asking and has low self-esteem, then even telling her all the time that she's pretty will not help. It seems like there are deeper issues that need to be addressed.