Telling your daughter she’s pretty every now and then- good thing or bad?

[Anonymous]

Better would be “you’re a great family member.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to parent for the world we are in and not the world you wish we were in. In this world, women are judged by their looks and you want your daughter to feel good about herself. I do not say that with snark. I had planned to never say anything about looks but I had a light bulb moment a few years ago. It's just as important that your daughter knows you think she's pretty as it is that she knows you think she's smart, strong, kind. Let her know.

+100

I totally agree. I always call her my prettiest girl (she’s my only girl). I also compliment her hard work in dance classes and school. I love her so much and I think she’s the best kid ever and I want her to know that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Better would be “you’re a great family member.”

Yes, follow this example:
"Larla, you're a great family member whose innate physical appearance conforms to conventionally accepted standards."

Larla's really going to appreciate those kind words.

[Anonymous]

I agree it's important to tell your daughter she is beautiful. My mom almost never did (maybe one or two times ever), and it caused major issues for me. And I was conventionally attractive when I was younger! I tell my girls they are lovely, amazing, and beautiful (and kind, strong, clever, and funny) all the time. BUT we also talk about how unfair it is that women are expected to conform to societal standards of beauty, and that people use criticism of a woman's appearance as a form of social control. If you keep the dialogue open, it is possible to let your daughter know that you think it is sexist BS that women are judged by their looks but that you also think she is the most beautiful thing in the world.

That said, we do not ever equate being skinny with being beautiful or talk about dieting/weight.

[Anonymous]

“When your little girl asks you if she's pretty,
your heart will drop like a wineglass on the hardwood floor.
Part of you will want to say
“Of course you are, don't ever question it,”
and the other part, the part that is clawing at you,
will want to grab her by her shoulders,
look straight into the wells of her eyes
until they echo back to you and say
“You do not have to be if you don't want to. It is not your job.”
Both will feel right.
One will feel better.
She will only understand the first.
When she wants to cut her hair off
or wear her brother's clothes,
you will feel the words in your mouth like marbles.
“You do not have to be pretty if you don't want to.
It is not your job.”

--Caitlyn Siehl

[Anonymous]

Or Katie Makkai

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6wJl37N9C0

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“When your little girl asks you if she's pretty,
your heart will drop like a wineglass on the hardwood floor.
Part of you will want to say
“Of course you are, don't ever question it,”
and the other part, the part that is clawing at you,
will want to grab her by her shoulders,
look straight into the wells of her eyes
until they echo back to you and say
“You do not have to be if you don't want to. It is not your job.”
Both will feel right.
One will feel better.
She will only understand the first.
When she wants to cut her hair off
or wear her brother's clothes,
you will feel the words in your mouth like marbles.
“You do not have to be pretty if you don't want to.
It is not your job.”

--Caitlyn Siehl

Can we all agree this is beautiful?

[Anonymous]

My daughter is beautiful, inside and out, and you better believe I tell her so! The world is full of enough negative messaging. She will hear plenty of compliments from me. I want to say it enough that it is the voice in her head.