Do you excuse sexist or racist behavior from a older relative because of their age?
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Anonymous
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Ex) father uses outdated and offensive works to describe people (coloreds, orientals etc). Mother often says things that seem sexist to my wife about not changing her name and working so much etc.
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Anonymous
| Yes. I excuse the behavior because I do not have to live with it. My interaction is very limited and hopefully they will die soon. |
Anonymous
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Well they sound fun to be around....
Anything said directly critical of your wife should definitely get slapped down (by you, OP!). The more general stuff should get periodic pushback, but there’s only so much you can do. |
Anonymous
| Not anymore. I can’t stomach my dad’s sexism, xenophobia, and homophobia. |
Anonymous
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No. I explain to my mother why it's racist to say that a black man is carrying a rifle when in reality he was carrying an UMBRELLA on a rainy day.
Mom: well that's what I usually see. Me: You usually see black men carrying rifles? In Boynton Beach, Florida? Mom: Yes. Me: Dad, do you also see this? Dad: No, no I do not. I had to explain to my dad that it was racist of him to keep joking that when he got in a fender bender in Miami he just drove off because it was probably a gang-banger, rather than exchanging info (it was the other car's fault). When my grandpa was alive and he dropped money into a black cashier's hand and she looked at me horrified, I looked back at her also similarly horrified and whispered "I'm so sorry - I'll talk to him." And I did. I don't think we can excuse people. Even if we know they won't understand or change, I think people who are minorities appreciate overhearing someone trying to get others to be nicer to them. |
Anonymous
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So sick of judgmental attitudes. Most young parents don't want neighborhoods/schools that are truly integrated yet are quick to accuse elders of being racists. Some of us did far more for civil rights than you scolders ever will.
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Anonymous
Did you say something about “judgmental attitudes “? |
Anonymous
| My FIL always say highly inappropriate things and my DH just shrugs it off that his dad is 70 and from small town. I call BS on that excuse. |
Anonymous
| My mom says offensive things all the time. If it's a one-off comment I ignore, but if she starts a tirade I shut it down. |
Anonymous
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No for 2 reaons.
1- My family doesn't have the luxury of excusing it because they are usually on the receiving end. 2- "Back then" is not excuse. People in their 60's now were teenager or twenties in the 1970's. Granted it was still no racial paradise then, but they are old enough to know better. It's a choice. |
Anonymous
| I tolerate a little bit of it from my relatives. What I do not tolerate however is watching Fox or listening to Limbaugh. Family members who consume that hate make a choice: Fox/Limbaugh or me. |
Anonymous
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No, DH and I don’t. We call his family out on it and severely limit time with them because we don’t approve and don’t want our kids picking up on that behavior/attitude.
I agree with pp-racism/sexism/xenophobia or us. Character matters. |
Anonymous
It's so charming. Ask Uncle Joe and the enabling media. |
Anonymous
| My grandmother’s generation I generally let things go although I would call even my grandparents on something expressly racist. My parents and in-laws are somewhat ignorant but not intentionally mean spirited. Like my MIL froze coming out of our house seeing our black neighbor leaning against her house (she smokes outside). I noticed and said “that’s our neighbor,” but there was no point in commenting on the irrational fear of which she probably wasn’t fully conscious. |
Anonymous
| Excuse? No. But I pick my battles. |