Do you excuse sexist or racist behavior from a older relative because of their age?

[Anonymous]

How old are your parents? My grandmother said colored. I was more forgiving with my grandmother, who was born in 1905, after I heard Queen Latifah talk about her grandmother using the same language. It was perfectly fine language for most of their lives and they just couldn't keep up the ever changing language.


But for people born after say 1930, I would not excuse it.

[Anonymous]

Old - no
Demented - yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I explain to my mother why it's racist to say that a black man is carrying a rifle when in reality he was carrying an UMBRELLA on a rainy day.

Mom: well that's what I usually see.
Me: You usually see black men carrying rifles? In Boynton Beach, Florida?
Mom: Yes.
Me: Dad, do you also see this?
Dad: No, no I do not.

I had to explain to my dad that it was racist of him to keep joking that when he got in a fender bender in Miami he just drove off because it was probably a gang-banger, rather than exchanging info (it was the other car's fault).

When my grandpa was alive and he dropped money into a black cashier's hand and she looked at me horrified, I looked back at her also similarly horrified and whispered "I'm so sorry - I'll talk to him." And I did.

I don't think we can excuse people. Even if we know they won't understand or change, I think people who are minorities appreciate overhearing someone trying to get others to be nicer to them.

The rifle/umbrella thing sounds like a vision problem, not racism.

I'm not understanding what was "horrifying" about your grandfather paying in cash?

[Anonymous]

I call it out, but I do it in a neutral way. "Grandma, WWII is over, and we don't use that word/phrase anymore, it's pretty offensive to (fill in the blank)."

There's a difference between education on proper terminology and getting older relatives current with the times, than intentional racist/misogynist behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I explain to my mother why it's racist to say that a black man is carrying a rifle when in reality he was carrying an UMBRELLA on a rainy day.

Mom: well that's what I usually see.
Me: You usually see black men carrying rifles? In Boynton Beach, Florida?
Mom: Yes.
Me: Dad, do you also see this?
Dad: No, no I do not.

I had to explain to my dad that it was racist of him to keep joking that when he got in a fender bender in Miami he just drove off because it was probably a gang-banger, rather than exchanging info (it was the other car's fault).

When my grandpa was alive and he dropped money into a black cashier's hand and she looked at me horrified, I looked back at her also similarly horrified and whispered "I'm so sorry - I'll talk to him." And I did.

I don't think we can excuse people. Even if we know they won't understand or change, I think people who are minorities appreciate overhearing someone trying to get others to be nicer to them.

The rifle/umbrella thing sounds like a vision problem, not racism.

I'm not understanding what was "horrifying" about your grandfather paying in cash?

Strange that she only has ‘vision problems’ with black men ?

[Anonymous]

My parents are both pushing 90 and they don't talk that way.

There is no excuse for that kind of language (sadly, can't control the thoughts) from anyone alive today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

When my grandpa was alive and he dropped money into a black cashier's hand and she looked at me horrified, I looked back at her also similarly horrified and whispered "I'm so sorry - I'll talk to him." And I did.

What does this mean?

[Anonymous]

I pick my battles. My grandmother called Asian people "Orientals." She was in her 80s, that was the word she had learned, it was unlikely she was going to change. Actually racist, sexist, or bigoted statements about people? Yes, I did say something, and usually she was cool with it. She wasn't a dedicated white supremacist or anything, she was just old-fashioned and grew up in a mostly white world, so she just hadn't thought about things much. But if you pointed out that X wasn't true or Y wasn't a very nice thing to say, she'd take your point.

[Anonymous]

I used to as a 20-something single person, but now that I'm a 30-something parent, I don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ex) father uses outdated and offensive works to describe people (coloreds, orientals etc). Mother often says things that seem sexist to my wife about not changing her name and working so much etc.

OP what do you mean by "excuse"? Binary questions (to excuse, or not to excuse?) are fine for an anonymous Internet debate but in real life, we have lots of options.

[Anonymous]

Uncle Joe

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

When my grandpa was alive and he dropped money into a black cashier's hand and she looked at me horrified, I looked back at her also similarly horrified and whispered "I'm so sorry - I'll talk to him." And I did.

What does this mean?

I didn’t get it, either

[Anonymous]

I'm not the original poster, but assume it means that the grandfather did not want to touch the cashier's hand, and dropped it from a distance in order to avoid contact.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s an excuse. Parents should be aware their that kids will pick up on these things from grandparents and other relatives if they are given a pass for bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Excuse? No. But I pick my battles.

+1