18 year old daughter in a bad path

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02/19/2019 15:03

Subject: 18 year old daughter in a bad path

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Anonymous

My 18 year old daughter is headed in a direction we don't agree with. I hesitate to kick her out, because I feel that would push her further down a bad path, but it is causing a lot of problems in our household.

- Struggled with high school, graduated in 2018 with a C average. Was caught a few times in high school smoking pot or lying about where she was.

- Now is in a 9 month part-time esthetics (skincare/makeup) program. She is talented with makeup but undisciplined. We live in a small city in the rust belt, to have any real opportunities in that field she'd need to go to a bigger city where people will pay for services. But she doesn't appear to have any interest.

- She lives at home, and she actually does have a large trust fund from a grandparent she can't access until she is 25. We are using it for her education and other allowed expenses, but once she's 25, it's hers and will provide a decent annual income - if it is managed right.

- She started getting pretty extreme tattoos right on her 28th birthday. I mean extreme in terms of size and visibility. She has around 6 now, her most recent one is knuckle tattoos that say "FEARLESS." I could have died when she got it. She is paying for them with money she makes at a part time retail job. And remember... Going into skin care as a profession! Knuckle tattoos are insane for an 18 year old white girl from the Midwest who wants to be an esthetician. When asked why, she just said "Because I can."

- has started dating a 31 year old guy she met on tinder, whose ex wife had just moved out 2 weeks prior with their 4 year old kid. Met him once, he seems like a loser, not surprisingly. This past weekend she lied about staying at a friend's and we found out she stayed at his house. Remember she still lives with us.

It's constant drama and fighting with us. She doesn't want to follow any sort of house rules and I know she is still using pot. I'm worried if we kicked her out she would just move in with Loser dude (he already gave her a key, they've only been talking a few weeks). She always fought us on going on birth control and swore she wasn't active, but last week I finally talked her into going and choosing between an IUD and arm implant, so that should be put in soon.

FWIW, we also have a 21 year old son who is totally well-adjusted, works hard and reliably at a job, and is in school to become a paramedic and maybe in the future transfer for a nursing or other type of degree. He also has the trust fund at 25, but does not behave like this. I feel like an awful parent with my 18 year old, but she is just so difficult and has been for 5+ years. How can I do so well with my first child and have such an out of control second?

What would you do in this scenario? My husband (her dad) took away her phone we pay for after her lying about where she was overnight, but she just got one of her friends to give her an old phone, and I guess she set up service. I'm emotionally ready to kick her out, but I'm certain she'd just move in with the 31 year old boyfriend and I worry she'd get into worse drugs, drop out of her esthetics program, and possibly not go to get her birth control or just generally go down an even worse path. My husband does not want to kick her out. We pay for everything, including car, insurance, etc.

Any book recommendations are also greatly recommended.